OK now you are SERIOUSLY not going to believe this...

I got in a fight with Sandra yesterday.

Not a fight. But basically I finally told her how I feel about our relationship and how we can hopefully fix it.

Today I felt like I had been harsh. I don't regret my decision to tell her off. But I felt like maybe she was going to take my words and actually listen.

So...I decided to do something nice and buy two more Spice Girls tickets for her and Steph.

They were overjoyed.

-------------------------

I called Steph to tell her while I was at Best Buy.

I had decided to go to Best Buy to pick up a copy of Spice World since everything right now is revolving around this Spice Girls mayhem.

Got to the checkout counter and the total came to $14.06.

I had the remainder of the gift card my mom or someone gave me. The remaining balance?

$14.06.




Insanity. The fact that there was just enough left floored both me and the checkout lady.

She was like, "That never happens." And totally thought there was a mistake.

Clearly it wasn't.

I called everyone and told them this (they still think I'm on crack, and for good reason). I was like, "we're going to get pulled onstage or something...and then win the lottery."

AHHHHhhh....the lottery...

14. 06.

CLEARLY we have to play the lottery.

---------------------------------

I went to Pavilions to buy my lottery tickets.

8 for good luck. 4 Mega Millions. 4 Super Lotto Plus.

I had them quick picked. But for the mega numbers I used either 14 or 06.

I told the nice lady that sold it to me I would give her $1000 if I won.

She laughed and wished me good luck.

I started walking out. Then realized that I was a total cheap-ass.

I went back and told her if I won I would give her $10,000.

She said, "You're going to win."

I left to get a burrito.

--------------------------------------

On my way to LA Buns. I passed a bum.

I gave him the $2 I got for change from the lottery purchase and instructed him to tell me I was going to win the lottery.

After rambling on about how lightning cures AIDS or something, he finally understood me enough to say, "You're going to win."

--------------------------------------

I got to LA Buns. Bought a burrito.

At first I didn't want the receipt. But then the guy kept waving at me. So I took it.

On the receipt...oh my fucking god.

On the receipt...my change...was $14.60.

NOT $14.06, but really it's the same numbers.



---------------------------------------

So dear reader, here's where you come in.

Leave me some love via comment post (down at the bottom of this entry) and leave your contact info unless I already know you.

If we win the lottery, Kristy and I are going to split 1% of our winnings among everyone who comments before 12am tomorrow night.

Say something witty, nice, or just wish us luck.

And if you want, go buy a lottery ticket.

Use the numbers 14 and 6 as your quick pick mega numbers.

If you win, you must give me 50%. (I believe in karma, and so should you. Screw me over and I'm sorry for what's going to happen to you.)

I've always known I was destined to win the lottery.

Seriously. Every time I buy one, I say it's only a matter of time.

If you look back at this ridiculous week, you will see it was meant to happen.

(Or we will all just feel really silly Saturday morning).

Oh...and listen to the Spice Girls at every possible moment.



And now I am going to eat every single bite of this magical burrito. Including the peppers I did not ask for.



Oh...and of course...

Perez | Rich Munchkin Man

Too much effort to retype. Thanks to Naia for the pics:

7:10 AM me: hiiii
Meghan: hey hey
7:11 AM me: met perez



i mean...



Meghan: WHERE?!?!?!?
me: he seems like a sad sad man
do you know danny r?
Meghan: yeah that's not surpising
me: he's friends with him
Meghan: don't think so
me: danny is naia's friend
gay
Meghan: ok
maybe
me: i'm sure if you facebook him you'll recognize
Meghan: yeah
7:12 AM me: anyway yeah. he was just kind of sitting there looking like he'd given up on life
people would come up and talk to him
and he looked aloof
not like mean aloof
but like exhausted aloof
Meghan: awww
me: anyway i told him i think he's sometimes a douchebag but seems like he might be innately a good person
and he smiled and said thanks
7:13 AM i was like whatever, if you trash people all day long you can take a backhanded compliment
Meghan: hahahaha
seriously
me: haha
Meghan: and it was semi-nice!
me: it was i thought
Meghan: more karma for dennis!!!!!!!
me: i meant it
hahaha
i know
how crazy is that shit

(Keep in mind Perez not too long ago used to look like this:)



(Don't believe in karma? You should really start.)

----------------------------

ohhh
and then we met the 7th richest man in the world
literally
craziest story ever
7:14 AM Meghan: shiiiiit
that's pretty rich
me: roommate danny and i are sitting being stand offish
some little bald arab guy comes over
he seems nice and is like is there somewhere to sit?
i pat danny's inner thigh
"right here baby"
Meghan: hehe
me: and he actually goes and sits
7:15 AM we laughed
and then he has this younger cute friend with him
so he's going on and on about how he owns some belly dancing restruant
and splits his time between bel air and lebanon
and has this CRAZY diamond encrusted watch
and i'm like clearly this man is someone
Meghan: yes
me: he's like a crazy funny little man
7:16 AM so i'm like i'll go talk to cute sidekick
he's like 26
blond
preppy looking
from connecticut
we're talking i'm like how are you friends
he's like oh we go way back and met when i was abroad in lebanon
i name drop about how i know king abdullah of jordan
Meghan: okayyyyy
me: and will be visiting
7:17 AM Meghan: hehe
me: finally when he is convinced i am somewhere near his social class
he admits that he is a bodyguard
and the little man is the 7th richest man in the world
and i'm like are you armed?
and he like gives me a peek at his holster
crazy
so the little man LOVES danny
7:18 AM Meghan: ha!!!!!!!!!!
awesome!
me: wants him to teach him english .....among other things
Meghan: hehe awesome
me: and he loves me because i am so much taller than him
and i was like tell him english lessons cost 5 million dollars
Meghan: yesssssss
me: LA is too weird
Meghan: per 15-minute block
me: yeah
7:19 AM and i hit it off with security guard
at first claimed he wasn't
when i figured it out i was like you're his security guard
and he was like no i'm not
but any time crazy little man (hassan)
wandered away
he'd just drop everything and follow him
and just watch him
Meghan: that's so crazy
7:20 AM me: yeah
they live in bel air in a 20,000 sq ft estate
that danny was shown pics of by hassan
hassan is drunk
and starts dancing around saying "I'm RICH!!!!! I'm RICH!!!!!" like a little dancing munchkin
Meghan: shut UP
me: it was the funniest thing i've ever seen
Meghan: that's hilarious



Bodyguard actually looks a little like KG...



7:21 AM i'm glad he can enjoy his largesse so freely
me: yeah
i like the word largess
7:22 AM Meghan: oh yeah
so
who's going to france?
7:23 AM i'm looking into it
i want to come
me: not sure yet
i hope it's a small group
Meghan: nice
7:31 AM me: oh and of course bodyguard's last gig was angelina
7:33 AM Meghan: really?!
please befriend him and learn everything
me: i mean i guess if you're tasked to defend the 7th richest man, you better have some credentials
Meghan: yesssss
7:34 AM me: and we talked about how angie seems like such a great person and a genuine humanitarian
7:35 AM versus leo who is like douchebag look at me! i drive a prius, save the polar bears! this is such a lamely transparent ploy to have a cool hip save the world image!
Meghan: yes yes
me: but he had nothing but awesome things to say about angie
Meghan: yay!
me: which makes me forgive her a little for stealing brad
Meghan: she is so crazy!
but i'm glad she has directed her craziness in a positive direction
7:36 AM brad is a douche
7:37 AM me: yeah
such a douche
how could you do that to rachel
Meghan: i know
very tacky
me: i think i'm just going to blog our entire convo
7:38 AM i don't want to retype
i think i conveyed the event in a readable way, yes?
Meghan: yes
throw in some better witticisms for me
me: hahaha no

FUNNIEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE

Update on grams...

Surgery was last night. Everything went fine. She's recuperating.

Thanks to everyone who sent in their thoughts and prayers to God (who I may or may not believe in).

From my dad:

Hi All,
Just talked to Suzanna Ko. Mom is out of surgery and back in her room. She is doing fine. She is awake and has been talking and misbehaving already. Not a surprise at all. She is one stubborn old lady. She wants to drink when she is not supposed to. Always afraid she might starve...so despite recovering from anesthesia, when she can't eat anything until eleven PM, she wants to eat and drink! She is supposed to be on oxygen and she refuses, the mask too damn uncomfortable! Unless one of us is there, she is totally out of control. I am glad Bill will be there to rein her in! She is fine! She said she feels more comfortable than the last time after surgery! She is a pro at it now!
B

From Auntie Pearl (Kristy's mom):

Good Morning!

I spoke to Mama last night before her operation. She was accepting of her situation. She said the fall could not have been avoided. It will be another road to recovery. Mama's resilient attitude is simply amazing.

The operation went well, easier than the first. She did not require any blood transfusion. The operation was similar to the first, another steel rod was inserted into the bone.

Bionic woman!

Pearl

------------------

I'm glad my family is always optimistic and that we can always have a laugh no matter how dire the situation.

Here I thought my grandma was going to be all depressed and weak.

Kwans kick ass!!!!!

Am I dumb or are we ALL dumb?

Ginger Spice = "GINGER" Spice ??????????

Why did I not get this until now?

KG: Ginger looks hot in that video...i like her better with "ginger" hair though.

Jesus Christ...what next??!?!?!?!

I honestly think this might be a direct karmic result of my decision to revamp this blog to be more positive and inspirational as well as other "good deeds" I've done this week.

Kristy: I'm not sure if karma works that quickly...but it does seem like a big windfall...

It works!

Email someone you care about RIGHT THIS SECOND and turn your life around.

You are not going to believe this...

Well maybe you will, because my life is ridiculous as we have already established.

THE UNIVERSE HAS SENT ME ANOTHER SPICE GIRLS TICKET.

You hate me. I know. I'm sorry.

Just send positive messages into the world and they come back. I truly believe that.

(Don't believe me? Ask Justin Timberlake.)

Go send someone you love but haven't talked to in a while a really nice note or facebook wall post. Something like that can make someone's day (especially if they are an office worker).



A week ago or so at Max's B'day. I met this girl Lindsay with whom I just happen to have about 48 (according to Facebook) mutual friends one of whom is FELIX.

Yet somehow we've never met.

We hit it off and were trying to coordinate brunch in NYC next week. She asked me if I was free Sunday and I said no, I'm going to Spice Girls.

She said "I'm going MONDAY!!!!

I offered to burn her a copy of the Spice Girls set list.

She offered me a ticket for the night after the night Me, KG, and Anne go.

I LOVE MY LIFE.

Please say a prayer for MaMa, though.

I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANNA ZIG-A-ZIG AHhHHHHhhH

Anne is always good for a choice quote.

(Both linked videos below are HOT. The latter one is "Buttons" hot. Yes, Doug I'm talking to you.)

DK:

Download the spice girls greatest hits. It will make you enjoy the concert that much more.

Also make sure you get "I Turn To You" by Melanie C and "It's Raining Men" by Geri Halliwell because they perform those.

Anne:

Please, l listen to both those songs every time I shake it on the elliptical.

And by "shake it" I mean read an Us weekly and look annoyed.

I WANNA MAKE YOU HOLLER

This cheers me up quite a bit.



KG is special.

I just burned the entire setlist and am going to begin memorizing.

Still sad about MaMa. But what can you do.

Move on. Enjoy life. Gonna have lunch with Kristy and talk about life and the awesomeness of Kwandom.

:-(

Just got an email from my dad that my grandma (MaMa) just fell and broke her other f-ing leg.

She broke her femur last year and was just recently almost fully recovered.

I'm glad some of you guys got to come and had a chance to meet her. last times recovery took almost a year.



As much as you don't want her to die, thinking about her going through this ordeal all over again (and she was so good and optimistic about it getting back to health the first time) just brings me to tears.

My entire family owes its cushy little life from now until forever to her and my grandpa. What incredible people. Last last trip I posted about going to the ancestral Kwan village. I recently found out that the villagers there all worship us (the direct descendants of Lam Suk Yin and Kwan Kim Sing (my grandparents)) and always treat us SO nice because basically during some war and famine they saved an entire village from perishing by smuggling all kinds of supplies from rice and clothes and medicine and money etc etc etc from Hong Kong to the mainland.

Anyway, it's all really really sad. She's getting so old. She used to be up first thing in the morning walking up the mountain and getting stuff done.

She used to be the best parallel parker. (Clearly where I get it from.)

Also she eats like a cow. (Me too!)

And she loved her gay ailing son (Uncle Benny) when everybody else (including himself) had turned their back and given up hope. At least that's how I like to remember it.

Now she is so tired and sleeps until noon.

Guess I'll be heading back to the HK soon. Let me know if you want to come.

Might not be as happy as last time...

Update: Of course Dad is being Mr. Optimism and saying, "Well, at least now she has two metal femurs and is basically bionic and this will never happen again!"

Why we do the crackrock...

If you're on this site solely to see pictures of the pretty people, don't worry, we'll get back to that so soon. Come back in about three days and your head will explode from all the hotness.

For now I have to just write about how I'm feeling because I know so many people are dying to know what is the method behind the complete madness that they've seen and read.

So this week, for anyone who is on my email lists or been in my presence, I have been TOTALLY CRACKED OUT CRAZY.

Yes I have been drunk but it has been more than just that.

Diana cornered me yesterday and said, "Dennis. I care about you. I have to ask you a question. Please answer me honestly. Are you on some kind of methamphetamine?"

To that my official press release answer was, "Hahahahaha. No... I'm a 6'7" Asian. Clearly there has and has always been some crazy hormonal weirdness at play. I am high on life. And I will never touch the crackrock unless Whitney Houston herself offers it to me.

That's funny and all, but I really have been reflecting on why my actions and emails have been so crazy and effusive (see previous posting).

What I have to say is this:

There are no adjectives to appropriately describe how fucking (I think I have been swearing a lot because I think it helps to accentuate all my adjectives this week) inspired I am by Katie's courage and honesty in going on this epic journey of self-discovery that is currently experiencing. She's throwing herself wayyyy outside her comfort zone. (Rio, from what I hear, is fucking awesome but scary and should not be near ANYONE's comfort zone.) She's doing it alone. And she's willing to acknowledge all the preconceived notions she has developed coming from the crazy privileged background that she and so many of us share and yet is still able to compare them (the preconceived notions) to her pure and basic human emotional responses. That is incredible.

I told her...this is your journey of self-discovery...but what if this is your calling?

What if you were meant to travel the world and report back on the human condition and the beauty of all the cultures of the world coming from your objective pure and flawlessly articulate point of view????

I don't know. I'm sure she will find her way no matter what thanks to her incredibly supportive parents. Nick and Lori, if you're on here. I think you guys are amazing.

Mom and Dad...you are too. I know you haven't always been supportive of what I do...but I know that you are now. And for that I am eternally grateful.

MY LIFE IS PERFECT AND I KNOW IT.

I am surrounded by beautiful wonderful people. I have an amazing job that allows me to meet even more beautiful wonderful people. I travel wherever I want, whenever I want. And I can work wherever I go. AND I LIKE MY WORK.

Katie's blog and overall journey being so inspirational (coupled with Brendon's simple little myspace quote) has inspired me to transform my blog from superficial hottie-fest to a collection of entries that hopefully inspire so many of my peers who are in the process of half-life-crisising to just do whatever the fuck they want to do and to do what makes them happy. Mom and Dad, I guess this goes for you too.

I know I have lucked out genetically. And I thank god (who I may or may not believe in) for that.

Live. Laugh. Love.

I'm not sure if I heard that somewhere or if I came up with it in a moment of delirious happy drunkness.

But I think it's a decent mantra.

There may be more annoyingly cheesy entries like this in the future, but I'll forewarn you and tell you when we are about to return to hottie-fest.

Katie I love and miss you so much. Mom and Dad and Kristy, thank you for your constant support without which my perfect life would be impossible.

Read Katie's blog: http://k-d-g.blogspot.com and shoot her some love via blog comment or email (kdelguercio@mac.com) because I'm sure she misses us as much as we miss her.

Over the next few days I will tell you all about my crazy hottie-filled weekend, my first pseudo-date, the crazy girl drama, and the fact that I'm working on a new reality show and will probably finally meet the Yao.

Love always.

Live. Laugh. Love.

The Fury of the Egg: Phase Two

I've changed my personal mission statement. Or maybe not changed. But have now I think articulated it more correctly.

I started this blog a few years ago with the intention of showing off my beautiful friends.

Or at least I thought I did.

I am superficial to an extent. I don't deny it.

But what I maybe failed to mention is that each of these impossibly gorgeous friends and family members is also an incredible person both inside and out.

No one better embodies the absolute purity of spirit, love, generosity, and a bunch of other really nice descriptors, than Katie Muthaf*ckin Del Guercio.



Read her awesomely inspiring blog and see if you can argue otherwise.

We all can be bitchy. And judgmental. And snobby. And superficial. And flawed. But if you are a good person at the core, the beauty shines through and trumps everything.

Of course not everyone understands my little Katie. (She is after all just another crazy PMS-ing girl. :-))

But she wants to expand her mind and be the best that she can be. Because that is what it is to be human. That is the reason God (who I may or may not believe in) put us on this silly little rock and made us the smartest (not all of us) (deeeeeeeeeefinitely not all of us) living creatures.

Beauty will only get you so far...but by becoming more aware, of yourself and the people and things and beauty all around you (and beauty IS all around you. You just need to know where to look. Or know Photoshop.) ...you can achieve perfection.

Live. Laugh. Love.

I might be rambling. But maybe not.

I am a crackhead.

lol/lmao/rofl/hahaha/xoxo/rip/etc/etc

The End.

You don't have to go to Brown to be totally brilliant.

Brendon's myspace profile is the cutest thing ever.



I think I understand why we get along.

Well...

I mean...

There's that...

And also:





Hellooooo nurse!

LAS CHICAS PICANTE!!!!

Jealous?

I am such a crackhead: Coming soon

Why Fergie turned to meth...

Clown twirling broom = epic amounts of scary

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

(and I'm not even talking about the man yet...)

Katie's blog: www.k-d-g.blogspot.com

The Finger Game!

Thursday night. It was so rainy.

Lady Di and I had impromptu sit-on-the-couch/watch-Bridget-Jones/drink-too-much-cheap-wine night.

Around 11 I got a texto from Danny who was up the street at Barney's Beanery with friends.

Minutes later I got a texto from Bobbo who also happened to be at the Bean...



Minutes after that I got ANOTHER texto from Danny saying he had spotted Bobby and that his friend (Danny's friend Alexandra) thought Bobby's friend (Nick) was super hot and that he (Danny) would buy drinks if I went over there to initiate an introduction.

We sprinted there.



...and an amazingly fun beer-drinking finger game commenced.





Resulting in wastedfacedness.





And a hand on an ass.



WASTEDFACE!

Most amazing deal EVER...

Non-crazy Tom Cruise hotness.

2-disc Special Edition.

$4.99!



I love Best Buy.

Max's 26th Birthday

So Max celebrated his birthday downtown this past weekend.

Why? Because it is fun/cool/hipstery-homeless.

Also drinks are cheap.

We got there and the first person I saw was Tavet.



Lady Di and I were still reeling from the loss of our little Smershbaggery.



But in terms of beer math:

fun diveydive bar + screaming-drunk ErinCrapser = yay



Max was very conscious of not getting schwasted this year.



(Looking back at last year's birthday I am realizing that Max was wearing THE EXACT same outfit and facial expression. Weird.)

Girlfriend Paria looks like a cuter Rachel Bilson...



Sumner tried to cheer Diana up...



Then some song came on and everybody sing.



And then retreat to small backroom but so much so fun dancefloor.




Oh. Dancefloor featured fan...



which was SO COOL.




Happy Birthday, Max!

Goodbye, bar!



Goodbye, Tavet!



Goodbye, Pirate!

OH MY GOD

...and sadness of the death of Heath Ledger!

I just found out.

That is SO sad.

Max's B'day: Coming Soon

Slow. I know.

I blame the gimpiness still.

And pseudo-sickness.

And sadness over the leaving of my Katie.

Clearly there has to be a mourning period.

Katie's Going Away Party

So Smershy quit her job and is going on a big adventure in South America.

You'll be able to read about her adventures here.

........................

All our favorites, old and new, came to wish her well.







Not all happily...



Doug, Olly, Sumner, and I compared manly hand-scars.




AlexRose (who hosted the party) put up some sweet signage.






And everyone had fun.





Oh, also...there was a baby.














And I gave Chris and Doug the sweet shirts I got them from the Asia...




Afterwards we got Chinese food at Mao's.



Goodbye my love. We will miss you so much.



:-(