Stupid PantsParty

Sam U.L. Hodgeson threw a going away party for himself as he heads off to San Francisco to join Tee at Stanford Business School in the fall.

He held the party, however, in Meatpacking District at this awful bar called the Gas Lite that did not allow patrons to enter if wearing shorts after 10:30pm.

I arrived at 10:35.

I was unable to enter.

It was the most ridiculous rule I've ever heard because people who entered the bar wearing shorts BEFORE 10:30 were allowed to remain the bar...I was mad. And sweaty.

As I sat outside on the edge of a large streetside flower pot, I waited for my friends to arrive and watched, sadly, as they each were allowed to enter. The bouncer-black pitied me none.

But THEN a man and his girlfriend went up to the entrance and the man was CLEARLY wearing shorts and the bouncer let him in. The man was black. I ran up and cried racism.

They just looked at me funny.

I was so (egg)furious.

Sure I could have bribed the guy...but why would I want to enrich someone who is a total jackass? Instead I cursed the man silently and prayed for the sweet baby Jesus to bestow a pigflu upon him.

............................

Happily PWu and Zameer met up and we went to G-Lounge, where exposed calves are not an issue.



Smersh and Semmes were also in town and after attending the pantsparty met up with us as well.



We see them again next week in New Orleans! Yay!

Parking Ticket

I got a parking ticket today. In a clearly marked parking area.

There is a sign right next to my car clearly pointing in the direction of the car saying I am allowed to park except from 11:30am to 1pm.




The tickets states that I "parked on a sidewalk" but as you can see...there IS NO SIDEWALK!

No one would ever walk on that side of the street because it is a dirty old fence. The sidewalk is on the other side of the street!



I'm going to contest the ticket. I really hope they don't make me pay the $115...I pay enough in parking tickets as it is!

Lame Email Controversy | Part 2 : The Apology

So I felt a little bad. I don't like being on anyone's bad side. Especially not the bad side of an Obese (it's often hard to tell which side is worse, they're all pretty bad.)

I mean...I just want everyone to love and be loved and be pretty and have perfect teeth and clear skin and walk into the sunset laughing and pushing each other into the bushes. Is that too much too ask?

I wrote the apology email.

Sorry, Woonertons.

But it got a well-received response!

See below:

---------------------------

from PETER MORONGO [pmorongo@gmail.com]
to Class of 2004 [dkwan@gmail.com]
date Mon, May 25, 2009 at 2:42 AM
subject Re: Apologies and Pigflu
mailed-by gmail.com

2:42 AM (12 hours ago)

Dennis,

Please forward this email on to whomever necessary...

Upon reading your email to the class and included apology, my thoughts quickly jumped to your comments. They were witty, attention getting and exactly what the class needed. In this world of mass-messaging and a quick-fix-info society, your email got my attention, and certainly increased my interest in our reunion.

Thank you for you personality, individuality and courage in taking a chance. Hopefully there will be more leaders of your elk.

Please continue the good work, and I am much obliged for your influence on the wonderful, energy-packed weekend. In my opinion, I believe your email helped our class come closer together. Brown graduates were not meant to follow the lead of anyone, especially any influences that inhibit free speech. Thank you.

All the Best,
Pete

-------------------------------------

Really nice right? I think I might print that one out and frame it.

I love my classmates. I love Brown! Peter gets a cyber-hug!

................

So here's the apology email I had written:

-------------------------------------

from DKwan@brown.edu
to Brown2004 listserve
date Friday, May 22, 2009 at 9:02 AM
subject Apologies and Pigflu

I hope everyone is packing their bags and returning for what is destined to be a record breaking attendance for the 5th reunion. The weather forecast is great and Campus Dance tables, stages and bars are being set up right now.

As class of 2004 Communications Chair I realize that I might have missed the mark with my humour with some of you on my last email. I did not mean to offend anyone, and I apologize. I'm just excited to get back to campus !!! Get yourself in gear and do the same.

Also, just so you're aware, a case of the pigflu has been reported at Brown according to the Providence Journal:

http://newsblog.projo.com/2009/05/brown-universit-4.html

Administrators have been advised by the Rhode Island Department of Health, which confirmed the swine flu case, and there is no need to adjust any of the weekend events. Just stay away from coughing and sneezing strangers and DEFINITELY do not let them put their hands in your mouth.

See you soon!

-Dennis

--
DK '04
Communications Chair
www.dkheadshots.com

Lame Email Controversy / Obeses Ruin Everything: Part 1

So for like the past decade or so I've been the on-and-off Communications person for the Brown Class of 2004.

As such, I was tasked with sending out an email to get people excited for Campus Dance/5-year reunion by urging them to upload pictures to a communal photo album to give them a sense of unity and to remind them of how much they love Brown and of course to get them to donate millions of dollars to the school...

Well...knowing how people in general abhor standard form emails begging for alumni money, I thought why not write something a little more personalized and fun and informal...after all, these are my peers.

I threw something together in like ten minutes of the top of my head. Added a few "OMG"s and shot it off to the class.

Got a ton of responses from long lost friends and acquaintances I haven't seen in a while saying how excited they were for reunion etc etc etc.

Then a day later I get an email from the Director of Alumni Relations saying they had received a complaint from someone who was deeply offended by my email.

Lame!

Below is the letter I got from AR:

from Diana Pigwell [DianaPigwell@brown.edu]
to dkwan@gmail.com
date Thu, May 21, 2009 at 11:39 AM
subject 2004 reunion BRAVO email blast

Hi Dennis,

I was hoping to call you but find I have no phone number on record for you. I find talking in person is always easier to discuss and find solutions to touchy situations.

I wanted to let you know that one of your classmates has contacted us and was upset by the recent email blast you sent. The classmate sent an anonymous email to Alumni Relations and expressed disappointment in the email content and apparently thought the email was from our office and wanted an apology from Alumni Relations.

I have not responded to the email yet but would like to let the person know the email was not written by the office but rather by a classmates who is very excited about the upcoming reunion and has a sense of humor that might not “jive” with other but that no offence was intended. Before doing that I wanted to give you the heads up and if you have any other suggestions you would like me to share with your classmate and if you would like to address the concern by sending another email to your class.

Some suggested text ideas :

I hope everyone is packing their bags and returning for what is destined to be a record breaking attendance for the 5th reunion. The weather forecast is great and Campus Dance tables, stages and bars are begin set up right now.

As class of 2004 Communications Chair I have learned that I might have missed the mark with my humor with some of you on my last email. I did not mean to offend anyone just excited to get back to campus and enjoy !!! Get yourself in gear and do the same.

I know we each have our own style and maybe you can adjust accordingly knowing there is some sensitively out there.

Thanks Dennis I will look forward to hearing from you and I hope I might meet you in person this weekend

Diana Pigwell
Director of Alumni Relations
Brown University

Hmmmph.

Want to read the original email I sent? (Which IMO was hardly offensive?)

Here it is:

-------------------------------------

from DKwan@brown.edu
to Brown2004 listserve
date Thu, May 20, 2009 at 11:02 AM
subject REUNIONTIME COMETH!!!!

Class of '04!!!!

Can you believe our 5-year reunion is like 4 DAYS AWAY???

Who got fat? Who had a baby?

OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

Ahem. Sorry.

Alumni Relations would like me to ask you to join our Class of '04 Facebook Group if you haven't already and upload your favorite past reunion photos directly to the group (Alumni Relations used to do their own web galleries but have now succumbed to Facebook's impending world domination).

Also please post lots of obnoxious messages on the wall. Love that.

The link to our Class of '04 Facebook page is:
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2200149432&ref=ts

Make sure to include your favorite embarrassing drunkface pictures of your former best friends / mortal enemies and of course remember to TAG them! Haha. Just kidding! (Not really. Do it.)

Also, if you haven't yet donated to the annual fund, PLEASE DONATE ALREADY. We need your money to break all kinds of class donation records this year.

www.gifts.brown.edu

See you soon! I'll be at the free drink table!

-DK
'04 Communcations Chair (I think)
www.dkheadshots.com

------------------------------------

Whaddaya think?

Clearly whoever wrote the "anonymous email" is an obese, right?

Or maybe she had a baby.

Or maybe she had a baby obese.

Oh god. Just what the world needs.

Lamesauce Birthday | Nerd Power!!!!

Night started with epic food-coma-inducing dinner at MOUSTACHE.




And then it was off to Plan B for Felix's friend's birthday party.

It was the absolute lamest bar in the history of the world.

So cramped. So crowded. Low-ceilinged. Takes forever to get drinks. No dancing. Sweaty. Annoying old ginger woman pestering everyone and asking inane questions...



Oh it was the worst.



Luckily we were sporting our sweet new power bracelets.





We had a drink or two...and then went home...



...to play Guitar Hero!




NERD POWER!

Q's revisited

We went out to Q's last night to celebrate Jay's birthday. Have not been there in a very long time.



Birthday boy stayed for all of 45 minutes though before taking off with his little visiting friendboy.



Lame night.

Long Beach is the Wrong Beach

So it seems like Kristy may be moving to Long Beach in January to live with MikeyMike in his newly purchased apartment.




Also she will be sharing the space with MoonDoggy (also known as Moonberry).



In preparation for this change, we decided to spend an evening out in Long Beach to check out the bar scene.

After visiting 1, 2, 3, 4 bars that were all pretty lame and populated with olds, balds, and/or really drunk college freshmen...we kind of gave up...and went to Hooters.



It's funny because everywhere else in the country, Hooters girls tend to be kind of attractive...



In Southern California, however, all the hot girls get higher-paying jobs at all the hot bars and clubs and so you are left with Hooters girls that look like this...



...only fatter. And with glasses.

Mikey still enjoyed the scenery though.

Guerilla Gays hit Sonny McLean's

Guerilla Gay Bar is, in concept, a brilliant idea.

An monthly email list of 2,000 gays instructed to invade what normally exists as a typical little unsuspecting straight bar...without the bar owners or patrons knowing.

A couple months ago, GGB was held at the Saddle Ranch on Sunset. Unfortunately, we were too hungover to enjoy ourselves.

But when I heard that this month's takeover would be on the west side, I quickly shot out an email to the masses, hoping we would all gather at Sonny's for what would be an epic evening.

.....................

Pre-gaming was fun.



Gaming...not so much.




Pickings were slim...and old. Among them, a grandpa we called "Dr Pepper"....



The pickings were actually so slim that one of the boys actually considered going back across the bar to "talk to him" and "see what happens" after he had left us alone. We managed to talk some sense into his silly little head.

Afterwards we stumbled around the Wilshire area to some neighboring bars.

Honestly I don't remember much except it was all kind of lame.



Non-epic nights upset me.

Turtle Racing

In place of BOT, somebody (I think Olivia) suggested turtle racing.

We went to Brennan's. "The Home of Turtle Racing."




It was packed.



Also these dudes Big and Rob were filming some reality show that nobody watches.



Woooo! Turtles!!!!



Honestly, after the first race we realized that Turtle Racing is totally lame.



Instead we spent some quality time playing Naked Photo Hunt.



Woo.

The over-hyped, over-priced suckfest.

There was so much potential.

EVERYBODY came. NOBODY got in.

Everyone waited in line at least an hour. Kristy & Barry ended up having to slip the hobag at the door $100 to get 5 people in. Pete and the other McMaster people did the same.

I was inundated with angry text messages and phone calls for much of the night.

Total shitshow.

When everyone did finally get in after either bribing the doorperson or after Naia finally went down to escort them in they were angry, upset, and not really in party mode. Drinks were expensive. Kristy bought 5 drinks. $90.

Grrrrrr...