Everything changes...

From: tara
Date: Mon, Apr 28, 2008 at 3:15 PM
Subject: Your blog

is my procrastination. and is not being updated frequently enough to
distract me from the horrors of law school exams.

.....................

Sorry I haven't been updating much as of late. I will get on it.

Lots of stuff has been happening lately. Kind of bummed out and lost the will to blog.

But I know it is important for all you bored office people. And for my own self-reflection...

So here we go.

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Brianne and Alex moved to San Francisco this weekend. (Alex will be working for YouTube.)

They are going to have a wonderful wonderful life.

We had a little farewell party at the Gas Lite to see them off.







I think the Gas Lite is done and it's time for it to be retired. The regulars are always there and annoying and gross. They hogged the stage. None of us sang.

Also I scratched my car on a brick wall while dumbass-ed-ly pulling into a non-parking spot.



Total bummer.

............................

Los Angeles is the city people go to and figure out what they want to do with their lives.

It is the perfect place for it.

There's so much opportunity. So much possibility. And everything can change overnight.

Some people get launched into the stratosphere. Some people come. Figure themselves out. And then move on.

Countless people have come and gone.

Poopshid was the first... Then Felix... Goony... TL... Big willie style... Now Bralex...

And Smershy......oh Smershy...

.........................

A lot has changed lately.

And I've been thinking a lot. About life. Where I am. And where I'm going.

Maybe this is quarterlife #2.

I had a mini-quarterlife crisis a few years back at the end of '05. If you've been on this ride with me for a while, you may remember. The Details article I think touched upon it.

Here I am. Two and a half years after my first quarter-life crisis.

I call myself a "professional" photographer and I can back that up with a pretty cool portfolio. It happened faster than I expected.

I work from anywhere. Make a decent amount of money. And work 3 or 4 hours a day. If that.

I get to travel. See my friends near and far. And I have the stress level of a happy cow in a field on a warm day.

It's awesome and I'm definitely not complaining. And shouldn't be. I know.

But as anyone who's ever gotten a raise or promotion will tell you, you adjust to your new and improved circumstances quickly. There's always more you can be doing. More you can be making. Other things to see, do, accomplish.

I live in LA and I'm part of this insane world of privileged, over-ambitious, over-educated people. We're never satisfied and we're not going to stop even when we've achieved world domination. We've been exposed to the world and there is no limit to what we can accomplish. And it is terrifying when you feel like you're not doing enough with what you've been blessed with and you're not achieving your full potential.

People are heading off to bigger and better jobs. Taking off for business school. Becoming doctors/lawyers. Getting engaged and married. And I've got my routine going, but I feel myself plateau-ing.

So that's the angst I'm feeling right now.

As I look around me and see everyone move upward and onward... I feel like it's time to step up my game.

So what I've been thinking these past few days is my move into fashion photography.

I've never been formally trained. And sometimes I feel like a hack. Even though I know my work is decent.

The next level...

I want to be Annie Leibovitz... Or Mario Testino... Or David LaChappelle...but without the alleged sketchiness. (Ask Oliver.)

I want to spend the summer in NYC. Take studio lighting and fashion photography classes.

And keep doing the headshot gigs to pay for all of it. (I seem to get much more business on the east coast.)

I'm eternally torn between LA and New York.

The grass is always greener.

...................

I know whatever I decide will be the right decision.

But right now, it's kind of bumming me out and I'm scared and confused.

...also it is REALLY REALLY hot right now.

I prefer snow.

New Business Cards

Just picked them up from the printers.




Off to the aeropuerto!

Much excitement a-brewin'

Career-related happenings have been on the upswing this week.

On top of receiving several headshot inquiries and booking a couple clients, I've recruited a street team to publicize my services, gone on several part-time job interviews, turned down a job offer with CBS:



And eaten a delicious chicken meatloaf sandwich.



In somewhat related news, our friend Matt has booked some major gigs this week. First, he shot an ad for Chrome Hearts with the 19-year-old daughter of a certain rock icon. And the following day he shot the cover of Vanity Fair! (He'll be an accessory to a certain young TV starlet set to attend a fictional Brown University in the upcoming season of her faltering former-hit show.)

Matt has also finally put me in touch with his agent, who likes my work and who is hopefully going to take me for a "test drive", shooting new models for their agency!

AND Katie's birthday party is this weekend.



It's all so exciting!

Master of my own (and several other people's) destiny...

Bjoern called me after dinner this evening to ask me to go over to his place to check out the proofs from the GodHead shoot. The pictures were SICK. I wish I could show them to you. But unfortunately I cannot.

I now have a renewed confidence in my photography career and am very excited to get my computer back from the shop and finish getting my shit together. (It's getting a total overhaul: 250 GB hard drive, Dual DVD burners, 1 Gig of RAM.) VERY VERY EXCITING.

.................



Earlier today I did alumni interviews for a couple of kids who are applying to Brown.

The first was Lame Orchestral Susan.

Short and awkward phone interview. As she stuttered her way through her boring-ass answers I could just see the sweat dripping from her round stupid forehead onto her inch-thick nerd glasses.

The comments I submitted to the admissions office:

Plays violin. Is shy. Recommend? No.
My second interview went much better.

Cool Asian Chris. Confident. Intelligent. Varsity Tennis player. Video game lover.

I brought him to lunch. He ordered meatballs.

He received a GLOWING recommendation.

My comments:

Chris is a well-spoken, mature, confident, and extremely personable individual with a wide range of interests and obvious potential. If this kid isn't Brown material, I don't know what is.

I like alumni interviews. I feel like a god.

Reflection!

Yesterday I bought a new reflector so that I can begin to learn the art of real pro photography. I think I got ripped off. Paid $90 for a 42-inch reflector. Pictures look so different with good lighting.

Here's a silly practice shot we did.

And then even sillier...we watched Elektra.

Headshots!

So Meredith's new headshots have inspired me.

I am dead set on perfecting my headshot photography. I picked up a bunch of books on lighting, portrait photography, and photoshop. This is my quest. With Meredith as my muse. I am going to be a headshot photographer. And then fashion. And then the world.

Been searching for a job as an office manager/assistant/photo-retoucher for a photographer/studio. Please let me know if you have any leads.

I love it too much to not pursue it. I appreciate beautiful things and people too much. Who doesn't love beauty?

I mean, can you really deny the fact that this is just beautiful?



Photo by Travis Tanner
www.travistanner.com

A new beginning.

I got fired today.

Yes. It is true.

F-f-f-f-fired.

It was an unfortunate blogging incident.

Packed up my things and left.

Cried a little bit in my car like a girl.

It happened in the span of two hours.

The old blog has been shut down. Here begins a new one.

Very very sad. For legal reasons I probably shouldn't explain. But it's done.

I am unemployed.

I have very mixed feelings about it all. It's kind of my fault. And I understand why I had to be fired. Kind of. I AM glad to have free time again. Finally. It wasn't a hostile firing. It was just what needed to be done. We parted with hugs.

So I guess I'm going to read. Watch movies. Learn about photography. Work out. Play tennis.

Spent the afternoon on the beach with KG. Very glad to see him and Heidi. I wasn't originally going to get to see KG on his supershort visit, since he was only in town for one day. But I guess everything happens for a reason. And that worked out. So yay.

And the funniest part is, my boss called me about four hours post-firing while I was eating a delicious fried lunch on the beach and said, "Uh...I don't know how to burn DVDs..." And I had to talk him through it on the phone.

Everything happens for a reason.

(deep breath)