Weird dream / A Conlix Pup Cometh

I had a dream the other night that The Infamous Laku (Laura/Taku) got engaged and that they threw a surprise engagement party at an abandoned Barnes and Noble and they showed up wearing matching blue one-piece bunny pajamas with those little feet attached. And everyone kind of clapped hesitantly like "a-whaaaaat..." except me and Kristen because we were jumping up and down hooting and hollering. Oh and Connie because she was just kind of cringing quietly in a corner trying not to throw up.

Anyway. I woke up and was sad to discover that none of the above had happened.

Except for the Connie part. She is probably cringing quietly somewhere trying not to throw up.

Why?

Because she is PREGGO!!!!!!!!!



SO happy for a Conlix!

I keep telling them that in the grand Bhandari tradition of naming the firstborn a hybrid of the two parents' names (Felix's sister Vitri = Vijay & Trini), they should just go ahead and name the child Conlix.

DEAD BABY DREAM

I had a dream last night that I passed out on top of a sleeping baby and it DIED!

It was all flat and purple.

I woke up in a panic and checked to see if it was there, but no, I had just fallen asleep on a bottle of Gatorade.

........................

Seriously though, I was as scared as this little girl riding a roller coaster.

Bieber Dream

I had a dream that my job was to hold a giant 6 liter bottle of Purell and stand next to Justin Bieber and make sure everyone was sanitized before they touched him/shook his hand. We would travel from place to place and eat pizza together and it was really awesome except Sheryl Crow REFUSED to use sanitizer and I had to beat her away with one of those foam pool floaty-worm thingys.

Weird dream

I had a dream last night that I was sneezing blood.

That was the entire dream.

Aaaaaaaahhhh-CHOOOOOO!!!

Weird dream

me: i had a dream last night and in it you died! please don't die

Ashwin: yikes

how did i die?

and i dont wanna die

me: you wear wearing that motorcycle helmet that you wear in pictures and it got caught in something that was moving fast and your head got ripped off

and jamie lee curtis was there

doing her awkward/sexy dance from true lies

Ashwin: for me?

hot!

me: no. like in mourning.

Ashwin: oh

lame

Earthquake dream

We had an earthquake yesterday.

Well actually Virginia had an earthquake, but the eastern seaboard sits on a single giant tectonic plate apparently, so we felt some of it.

Anyway, my immediate instinct** was to run upstairs to my roof. Is that crazy? I figured if my building collapsed... my chances of survival would be better off riding the building down leaping from concrete slab to concrete slab surfer-style and crushing everyone beneath me rather than trying to run down nine flights of stairs (or risking the elevator) and being crushed from above... of course this all happens in a fantasy world where I'm NOT the most clumsy uncoordinated person alive.

But anyway. My building didn't collapse. I don't think a single building anywhere collapsed. Some pieces fell off the National Cathedral in Washington...I think that's about it.

But anyway. I had an earthquake dream last night. And everything happened almost the same way it happened during the day. I was sitting on my couch retouching pictures when everything started wiggling. At first I thought it was the neighbors having sex or a wiggle party or something. But then I was like...oh my god it's an earthquake. But then I started hearing people laughing and cheering. And so I walked into the hall and opened the door of the neighbor's apartment. And they were having a wiggle party! Like literally there were 60 people in the room, lying down, sitting in chairs, standing...all wiggling in place.

It was weird.

**actually my immediate instinct was to update my facebook status.

Weird dream

I just had a really nutty dream.

So Dan and Emily decided to buy a new house. And so I invited like three people to come over and celebrate.

But for some reason Yeebee decided to forward that invite to 150 people. So all these random awful people start showing up.

Someone puts Britney's Til The World Ends on repeat and everyone is destroying the place and dancing on furniture. Meanwhile Emily and Dan are fighting in the kitchen because Emily is furious that she has to make muffins and salad for everyone. And also some fat chick is dying on top of the pool table (She was stabbed. Yes there is a secret murderer.)

PeterCarter keeps trying to dance with me by roping me in with his Smathers and Branson belts and then MattJewett keeps yanking me away to dance with him. Matt also is now 6'10" which I think is just CRAZY.

I finally go and announce to the crowd that everyone that came because of Yeebees email has to leave. There are moans of disappointment as people start to clear out. Kristy is sitting in the corner laughing and eating cheerios and Megoon is hulahooping with a flashing hoop that lights up and says "GET LOST!" Meanwhile, Dan and Emily's kid Henry strums Somewhere Over The Rainbow the Hawaiian version on his ukulele.

Uncle Steve trudges out having completely sweated through his shirt and pants (yuck) from dancing.

And then all the cool people remaining sit in a circle Indian style and eat muffins and salad.

-- Post From My iPhone

Weird dream - Surprise Birthday

Had a dream last night that right before his 30th birthday, Jesse faked his own death. They ended up having the funeral on his actual birthday... and it was a closed casket because he had supposedly been electrocuted and burned to a crisp. But then as the casket was being lowered it all of a sudden sprang back up and popped open and everyone gasped and Jesse popped out with his arms extended and yelled "SURPRISE!!!!"

There was a stunned silence and then a smattering of applause...and then Jesse spent the rest of the evening walking around wastedface and greeting guests wearing a giant hat made of candles and birthday cake.

I love having weird dreams. It's been a while. Here are the others.

-- Post From My iPhone

Fun dream

Just woke up from a dream that I was riding a bus through LA and was swapping text messages with Tom Cruise.

Most awful dream

Oh my god I just woke up from the most awful dream I think I've ever had.

I dreamed that I was going to get the death penalty tonight.

Why? For three main charges: filing false documents stating I had abdominal pain when I didn't really, laughing too loud, and peeing in the shower.

It was awful.

I was laughing when the judge sentenced me because I thought it was all so ridiculous. But then it hit me. I had about 5 hours before I was due at the lethal injection room and I went through all my things and picked out things to bring over to the post office to mail to my friends. I was picking a bunch of DVDs to send to Danny (specifically my DVD of The Covenant) and my giant stuffed frog (Pfat the Frog) to Smileyjohn and a bunch of my favorite expensive shirts and D&G Hoodie to Dr Dan and my taco costume to Connie.

And then I updated my facebook status to say I was getting the death penalty and NOBODY BELIEVED ME and wrote the most awful things on my wall like "Congratulations" and "Sucks man! LOL".

I woke up basically crying.

I have never been more happy to be alive. And awake.

This weekend is going to be wonderful. Campus Dance. And Megoon is getting MARRIED!

Alright, I'm off to pick up my car and drive up to RI!

Laura's Dream

from Laura Meatin [laurameatin@gmail.com]
to DK [dk@gmail.com]
date Thu, Jan 7, 2010 at 4:58 PM
subject dreamz

hide details 4:58 PM (14 hours ago)

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Denny!

I'm coming to New York again, from the 11th to the 16th.

You were in my dream last night and, incidentally, had learned to
speak Spanish and were the program director at a women's shelter. I
don't know if you have new life developments to tell me about, so
clearly we'll have to catch up in person.

Hugs!

Laura

Weird Dream - Crazy Cab

So I keep having this dream that there's a blind cab driver in the city.

And no one really does anything about him. He's just one of those quintessential New York beings like the Naked Cowboy or Donald Trump.

The great thing is you can pay him however much you want and he never really knows the difference. He kind of just trusts that you'll get it right. And really who would take advantage of a poor little blind man?

But of course since he can't see, sometimes you don't get where you were wanting to go.

And sometimes you die.

Weird dream.

Dad and Uncle Bill (Kristy's dad) both have a history of mean-ness toward little children.

Kristy grew up terrified of my dad, while Sandra and I grew up terrified of Uncle Bill.

I specifically remember a childhood summer incident where Kristy and I snuck around the house late at night (9pm) to make snacks for horse camp and my dad caught us and there was so much screaming and crying it was the most terrifying day of my life.

Well anyyyywayyyyy... last night I had a dream that Uncle Bill was trying to kill me.

The details are not clear anymore. I just remember he was chasing me through the woods like a bear and my hair looked really good. But I was scared. And RUNNING.

I called my dad for help. But all he did was pick up the phone and start yelling at me. I don't remember why. Probably for disturbing him during Oprah or something.

But finally I grew a pair and yelled back, "WHY THE F*CK ARE YOU YELLING AT ME? I'M ABOUT TO DIE!!!!!!!!!"

That kind of shut him up.

------------------------------------

Uncle Bill and my Dad are nice now.

SUPER WEIRD DREAM

Oh my god stop with the weird dreams already.

So I had this dream that I'm living in a movie.

And Patricia Clarkson (the mom in Vicky Cristina Barcelona) (also plays the chef lady in the awful Catherine Zeta Jones movie about chefs in love) is married to Harrison Ford who plays my dad, but then takes a younger lover played by Josh Hartnett.

But at a certain point she decides she can't be Unfaithful anymore. And I have no idea why Unfaithful is capitalized but it is because I guess that is a movie similar to this one.

So Patricia decides to stop being Unfaithful and trips Josh Hartnett on the driveway of some park. And he's lying on his back. And then leans over to kiss him, but instead slowly burns off his face with a blowtorch.

And somehow he's ok with it all and just cries a little. (You know, because he wants her to be a good person too.) And they just play violin-y romantic music while she's doing it.

And then Harrison Ford has a car accident, that she can only hear but can't see.

And I think this happens like within seconds of her burning Josh's face off.

And Josh has to wear a Tom Cruise style Vanilla Sky face mask which he later replaces with bloody mummy-bandages. And whenever I see him I'm like "dude, please go with the creepy plastic face mask."

And then things start to spiral out of control. (As if they haven't already when Patricia Clarkson burns off Josh Hartnett's face lovingly...)

Oh and then somehow my dad/Harrison Ford is walking a golden retriever up a hill and we discover Anderson Cooper 360 Headquarters which has a giant orange flag with a big koala bear face on it which I guess is his new emblem. And then my dad goes into the public restroom outside AC 360 Headquarters which is when I sneak off to call into the show. And he gets annoyed with me (Anderson does) for calling into his show every day.

And I excitedly take a dorky picture under the Koala Bear flag and am so excited as I'm tagging it on Facebook that I wake up.

Another really weird dream.

I dreamed that I was awoken to the sound of quiet squeaking and I opened the door to my bedroom to see a weird cylindrical ventilation shaft across the hall at eye level and there was a little white mouse with an elf costume on running around and making "music" on a little plastic flute.

Suddenly someone came around the corner and it was Penn Badgely and seeing the mouse he screamed and jumped up on a chair shouting, "A MOUSE! A MOUSE!!!! KILLLLLL ITTTT!!!!!"

(Also he had a pair of cymbals he was clapping together loudly.)

The little mouse became all alarmed from the commotion and jumped from the shaft onto the white carpet of my room and started scurrying around in circles.

I grabbed a shoe and smashed it.

It bled fluorescent pink everywhere. Really weird.

Penn was still shrieking "GET RIDDDD OF IT!!!!" So I grabbed some paper towels and scooped up the mouse carcass but I guess the fluorescent bleeding was arterial or something and it continued to spray fluorescent pink everywhere (keep in mind this was a teeny tiny mouse) as I ran to drop it into the toilet. The more it sprayed the more he screamed.

Finally I flushed the mouse away and went over to Penn, who was still standing on the chair cringing, rolled my eyes, shot him a look of disdain, and snatched back my cymbals.

What. A. Wuss.

Weird Naia dream

I just had a dream that Naia was going to have a white trash-themed destination wedding in Cabo tomorrow (along with two other brides) and it was going to air on Dr. Phil.

I was all anxious that we were about to be late for our flight because Stupid Felix would not stop trying on Halloween costumes.

Kathryn's dream

I think we should start a weird and hilarious dream blog.

I definitely have my share of them.

And then we can compile all the ridiculous dreams and sell them as a book a la Postcards From Yo Momma.

Yay?

Start sending me your weird and ridiculous dreams.

Speaking of silly dreams...

I had an awful nightmare a few days ago that we showed up at the Spice Girls concert and it was being held in some tiny high school auditorium and the only person that showed up was BABY SPICE.

Needless to say I woke up screaming.

Silly dream

I had a silly dream last night.

I dreamt that I was having a conversation with Felix in which we were discussing his dad's vegetarianism.

He said something about how his dad doesn't eat meat...except that he does sometimes eat the vocal cords of a goat.

The only plausible explanation I was able to come up with for that (in my dream) was that Felly's dad is allowed to eat meats that rhyme. In this case, GOAT THROAT.

This was literally what occupied my brain upon waking and it seemed so real (and also Felix was in the room getting ready for work) that I asked him about it.

He thinks I'm weird.

(Also it is not true. Felix's dad is fully vegetarian.)

Weird dream

I had a dream last night that I went to some cheesy restaurant that was set up like a German beer hall or something (you know, with like the long connected tables that everyone sits at, see below) and Christian was on stage all sweaty and singing karaoke.



Later there was an argument between me and some hoodlums and I got shot in the stomach.

Anyone have a dream book that can tell me what it all means?