HOLY SH*T!!!!!

Biggest quote request I've ever gotten.



I normally charge $250/head for a corporate gig like this.

They're a big company with a lot of money (I assume).

Think I can charge full-rate?

I mean...I'm happy to go down to $200/head... or even $100/head... but that's a difference of making either $32,500 or $13,000!!!

What can I quote them and still get the job????

Eeeeeeek. Filled with anxiety and excitement.

What is my life this week!?!?!??!?!??!

Two weeks of pain and down-time have really been worth this payoff!!!!

WHAT the FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

Teebags just sent me this with no explanation.



WHY!??!?!?!

WHERE!?!?!?

HOW!??!?!?

And WHY is there a BABY CRIB behind you?!?!?!??!

EXPLAIN YOURSELF TEEBAGS!!!!!!!

(What's fun is if I flip the photo...it looks like they're engaged!)



Fuck Yeah! Ryan Gosling!

OMFG

Tom and Kristen and I had dinner last night and Tom was super annoyed that he couldn't come out and get wasted with us because he had to wake up at 3am to get bussed upstate to do some "random wedding gig"...

He just posted this:

OMG!!!! TONIGHT!!!

Who wants to come? I'm going to line up at 5. Text me!

IT'S HERE!!!!!!! - Lady Gaga ft. Beyonce - TELEPHONE

I have waited so long for this day. And it's almost TEN minutes long!!!!!!!



Oh my god it is LIFE-CHANGING.

And Jai Rodriguez is in it!



Me loves me some QueerEye Jai!



LET'S MAKE A SANDWICH!!!!



Envelope, pushed.

The Meatball Shop

Lots of GREAT things have happened to me this past week. I think it's karmic payback for nice things I've done. Like flying Smileyjohn and Jesse to NYC. That's gotta be it.

And this is the icing on the cake.

Or the cherry on top of the ice cream.

Or the meatball on top of the pasta pile.

THERE IS A NEW MEATBALL RESTAURANT OPENING A BLOCK FROM MY HOUSE!!!

Thank you everyone. I KNOW. You can stop forwarding me the articles. I've gotten like ten and counting. And I am so super excited.

THANK YOU!!!!

-------------------------------------------------------------

From Urbandaddy.com

The Universe leads by example.

The planets, the stars, Penelope Cruz's backside—all perfect spheres.

Which leads us, naturally, to the rare and heavenly beauty of the meatball.

According to the Universe, its time has come...

Welcome to The Meatball Shop, devoted to the world's most well-rounded meal—literally—opening next week on the LES to satisfy your rambunctious late-night requirements for beer and spherical foodstuffs.



The latest in a line of tiny downtown eateries whose sole purpose is to aggressively and passionately dominate one slice of the comfort food universe (cannolis, poutine, mac and cheese, bottle service), Meatball is big, bright, open till 4am and decked out with light wood, subway tiles, mirrors and a giant 20-person rustic communal table at the center of all the action.

It's the kind of homey, hip farmhouse where you'll happily drop by to overindulge on a spaghetti/meatball/beer trifecta before (or after) wandering out into the regal wilds of the LES. Walking in, know that you'll be entering a world littered with all manner of esoteric yet comforting and addictive little balls of meat—spicy pork, veggie, chicken, salmon—that you can pair with various carb vessels like pastas (the aforementioned spaghetti and meatballs), breads (heroes and sliders) or...nothing.

Allowing the pure meatballness to shine through.

The Meatball Shop
84 Stanton St
(between Allen and Orchard)
New York, NY 10002
212-982-8895

IT IS LITERALLY. ON. MY. BLOCK.



It opens Tuesday February 9th. I return from New Orleans Tuesday February 9th.

You bet your ass I'm going straight there. I'm not even going to drop off my bags.

Whooooo wants to comeeee?????

Epic Dinner @ Craft - Endless foods heal my foot and my soul

So Kristy did something at work that was really good for someone and like saved his life or something and somehow that someone has a relative who is the executive sous chef or something at Craft, the LA restaurant of Top Chef's Tom Colicchio, and so the person who Kristy helped told her that to thank her he would like to invite her to bring a group of friends to enjoy an epic epic dinner and she said I am a food-lover and will totally take you up on that.

And so we did. Last night.

............................................

Craft is located in Century City, right behind the CAA Death Star.



YUM.

We got there and sat down and stared at the menu.



Stared and stared and stared.

There were so many choices.

We were planning to just order a bunch of stuff and then just share it family-style.

But then Kristy asked the waiter, "What would you recommend?"

And the waiter responded, "Well actually, the chef would like to serve you a multiple-course tasting menu...if that's ok with you."

We looked at each other because that last part of that sentence is the silliest thing we had ever heard.

In. Done. We simultaneously closed our menus.

First course came out.

(Keep in mind that we each got our own individual plate of EACH of these items minus dessert.)

(Also keep in mind that girls have tiny tummies and boys are savages so we ate almost every scrap of food on every single one of these plates.)

So anyway. First course - the amoooooz booooosh.

It was a tiny little tomato thing with the softest mozzarella I have ever tasted. It was like a little mozzarella cloud.




Second course was hamachi (yellowtail) with citrus flavorings.




Third course was foie gras (force-fed goose liver) which we spread on toasted brioches.

(Wasn't a huge fan of this one.)



Fourth course was giant diver scallops in a kombu seaweed sauce and this was DELICIOUS and SO HUGE. It took like 10 bites to finish the scallop.



Then there was a pork slice with this teriyaki-ish onion sauce. Super fatty, super delish.



And then a papardelle with mushrooms and truffles and this was the absolute greatest course (minus dessert).



Then there was Braised Short Ribs and Wagyu Sirloin.



And then the chef (who was really hot) came out to us to greet us and asked if we enjoyed dinner.

We said yes and said we were stuffed and he said do you want dessert and we said of course we want dessert but there was also supposed to be a cheese course before the dessert and we were like ugghghhhhhh can't handle cheese please just bring dessert and he said ok he was planning to drop a dessert "bomb" on us and we were like "uhhhh dohkay...."

So dessert came. And it was a tiny little thing of caramel custard dusted with candied walnut sprinkle.



I think this was the chef's version of a joke.

Because what followed were six or seven waiters each holding a plate of a different dessert.

We were giddy and giggling and ooohing and ahhhing and if you think back to the first Christmas that you can remember where you got everything you ever wanted, or if you remember that scene in Beauty and the Beast where the singing candle man brings the pretty girl a million delicious desserts and fireworks go off all over the place, well, it was kind of like that.

THEY SERVED US EVERY SINGLE DESSERT ON THE MENU.

Beignets - they were light and delicious and so much better than any other beignet I have ever had.



Bread pudding - it was crunchy/gooey and warm and sugarysweet and I die.



OMGOMGOMGOMG



There were six different kinds of ice cream (including caramel and maple-bacon-chocolate) and complemented with bite-size sugar cookies.



There were tarts and there was a chocolate hazelnut crepe.



And there was a traditional English trifle.

(For you Friends fans out there there was no meat in the trifle but instead there were little chocolate crunches and this was my favorite dessert.)



Gahhhhhhh we were so HAPPPPPPY.



Like seriously, I have NEVER seen Kristy make this face.



And then after all the desserts were cleared, they brought out these.



And gave us cranberry scones in little plastic packages for morning snacks.

Thank you Craft for the epic-est meal I've ever had in Los Angeles.

Thank you Kristy for making me obese.

My ankle is better! It's because of the food!

HERMIONE is going to BROWN!

It's official!

Emma Watson will be attending Brown in the fall.

Don't worry. I am already figuring out how best to befriend her via the Alumni Office/on-campus stalking.

She is stealing Scout Willis's thunder BIGTIME in an MJ/Farrah Fawcett way!

Edit: Here's a better official source: The BDH!

I'M GOING TO THE PLAYBOY MANSION!!!!

I almost crashed my car just now when this hit my inbox...



Finally! After moving across the country, I get an invite to the Playboy Mansion.

GAHHHH!H!!!!!!

So excited!

I just happen to be in LA next week!

OMG OMG OMFG

DANNY IS BARTENDING COURTENEY COX'S 10TH ANNIVERSARY PARTY TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I gave him my business card to give to Jen Aniston aka my soon-to-be best friend forever and have instructed him to go through her gay BFF Chris McMillan if he has to.

The future begins TONIGHT!!!!!

What NOT to do after a first date...

The following is a INSANE email exchange that our little friend "Shelley" was a victim of following an apparently not-so-super first date. Keep that in mind. They went on ONE date.

I mean...if you got this kind of crazy email from someone (and oh god it is CRAZY) could you really keep it to yourself? Ich don't think so.

This thing is going viral.

It's up there with that infamous craigslist post.

Enjoy.

----------------------------------

From: Christopher Segerdale [mailto:csegs@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, December 02, 2008 1:42 PM
To: Shelley G. [mailto:shelley.g@gmail.com]
Subject: Update

Hey dork,

Did you get lost in Ohio? Lol!

If you aren't interested in hanging out again, no big deal, just let me know.

I don't want to keep reaching out to you if you're not interested. This is not a good look for me ;) Lol!

and to be honest, I have someone who wants to go out with me but I've been holding off because I thought we had fun and wanted to continue to hang.

I'm a pretty upfront and honest person. Not really into the games, so just let me know.

Hope all is well otherwise and you had a nice thanksgiving.

If you do want to meet up again, just let me know.

I think I mentioned this to you but I have a very cool art museum lined up (my friend is a phenomenal artist) that I also thought you'd like to check out.

And wanted to try two restaurants in my new area (one French, one Italian) and I figured you'd also want to see my new apartment and critique it compared to the 50 year old sea hag interior designer who helped me out. Lol!

-Chris

------------------------------------------

From: Shelley G. [mailto:shelley.g@gmail.com]
From: Christopher Segerdale [mailto:csegs@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, December 2, 2008 2:09:59 PM
Subject: RE: Update

Hey sorry for not getting back to you; I just don’t think it’s going to work out. I have a lot going on with work and what I’m going to be doing in the next few months so I just need to focus on that. I had fun, I’m just sort of unavailable right now. Hope you understand. Good luck with this other girl though.

-------------------------------------------

From: Christopher Segerdale [mailto:csegs@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, December 02, 2008 2:23 PM
To: Shelley G. [mailto:shelley.g@gmail.com]
Subject: Re: Update

I don't like the other girl silly, I like you.

What does work have to do with me? Work is insane for everyone right now.

Being unavailable because of work is totally understandable.

No one knows that more than me.

I'm not looking for something serious, I don't even know you.

Is that the impression you got?

I just thought we had fun and wanted to casually hang and see what happens.

If it's work, we could work around that, I'm very understanding, but if you just think I'm ugly, mean and your not attracted to me, then that's another story.

Is it really just work?

-------------------------------------------

From: Shelley G. [mailto:shelley.g@gmail.com]
From: Christopher Segerdale [mailto:csegs@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, December 2, 2008 3:03:37 PM
Subject: Alright...

Wow... ok, well if you really want a brutally honest answer...

First of all, yes, work really does suck right now. I'm going to be laid off at some point this week which is something I probably shouldn't know but we're a small company and everyone knows each other's business, so basically I'm just sitting around waiting to be called down to hr. That said, I'm bummed because I love my job but this new found freedom is giving me the opportunity to study in Italy which is something that I've been wanting to do for a long time now. So if all goes accordingly, I will be leaving in the middle of January for at the very least a year. Reason number one that this won't work out...

Reason number two is that I'm still a little hung up on my ex-boyfriend. The event that I was supposed to go to on the Thursday we hung out was a charity auction that he was putting on. It seemed like a good idea for me to go out with someone else rather than put myself through a night of torture where I was just sitting wishing that we were still together. Sorry if it seems like I used you but I guess you never know where things will go unless you try. Plus I had a lot of fun on Halloween and thought maybe there could be something... but at the end of the night I just didn't feel any sparks.

Hope this isn't too honest but it seems like this is what you wanted. Good luck with everything.

-Shelley

-------------------------------------------

From: Christopher Segerdale [mailto:csegs@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, December 02, 2008 4:32 PM
To: Shelley G. [mailto:shelley.g@gmail.com]
Subject: Re: Alright...

This makes SO much more sense now! Thank you.

So, first off with your job, you're going to get screwed because you are probably one of the youngest at HBO. Sometimes they keep younger folks that really love there job because they don't have to pay them that much but usually the first happens. The bottomline is to make connections, learn from the experience and move on. There are a million jobs out there, especially in the city. That is one of the beauties of living in NYC. And you're not in finance. There are a lot of people in worse shape than you. I bet you could actually get paid even more at your next position and find something just as fun and something you love just as much. In regards to Italy, I think you should go. Sometimes these things happen for a reason and the older you get and more ingrained you are with your job, the harder it is to do something like travel. I think Italy would be an amazing experience and if you have the opportunity to explore and learn from it, you should do it. The only negative I see there is I've had a lot of friends do this and come back a year or two later and just felt that they were behind in terms of career growth. A lot almost had to start lower and take pay-cuts, then work there way up. But bottomline is they all are doing well now and don't regret the experience. There is a lot more to life then just money. If Italy is something that will make you happy, then absolutely do it.

You are intelligent, beautiful and have your sh-t together. You are an asset to anyone who hires you. Don't let this job get you down. A lot of layoffs are just a number and timing game and have nothing to do with the individual. Do not take it personally.

Secondly, don't get mad at me here, I'm just typing quickly cause I have to hop on a call but SPARE me with this "I'm still in love with my ex drama bs."

I had no idea you were even still into someone and how on earth could you judge "me" when we met for 4 hrs and 1/2 of that time we were piss drunk on a boat looking like morons. LOL! That's insane.

You have to spend a little more time than 4 hrs at Doc Watsons to know. Lol! I'm sorry to laugh but that's just ridiculous, plus how could I ever of got a real shot with you when you are thinking about your ex. I was set up to fail, hands-down. And that's bs.

But in the end, this is your loss. I'm totally not saying that in a d-ck way.

I've dated two girls seriously in my life, 3 years each. One was a lawyer and one was a model/designer/actress.

I was even linked to Britney Spears for awhile but that's another hilarious story which didn't go over so well in the tabloids with my parents. LOL!

The point is they all have said "I'm so perfect, caring, smart, loyal, rich, amazing, great heart" etc. and I could cc them on this email and they'll tell you.

And those are my ex's. My friends will all tell you. My little sister will tell you.

So, when you didn't call me, I thought it was so strange. I felt like "she's cool, but really need to get to know her more to see".

That was my take on the night. You can't judge someone after an awkward first date where I wore a sweater with a number on it so you could even recognize who I was. LOL! That's just ridiculous.

Listen, you obviously are not together with your ex for a reason. And instead of relaxing and moving forward you are holding onto something that isn't meant to be. I'm not asking you to date me. Now knowing what you're going through, I don't think you should be even close to dating.

Even if we learn that it's not going to work out, we still could be friends. I don't think ignoring everyone and dreaming about the glory days with your ex is the right thing to do.

I'm sure you're pissed at me now for saying all this, but I said it. And I'm sure your sister and friends will agree with me, even if they aren't telling you.

And I'm sure your ex is a really great guy but you can't force to be with him.

And stop selling yourself so short. You're smart, young, beautiful. You can do whatever you want. You don't need to dwell on someone that doesn't like you.

There's alot more out there and I'm sure you can do a lot better if you give people a chance. If he let you go, obviously, he's not that perfect.

And if your not together, there's obviously a good reason for it.

And because you are in such a fog with this ex, you aren't giving anyone else a chance. Forget me, no one will ever be able have a chance with you.

And that's terrible.

And to be really honest, I guarantee there isn't anything that your ex has that I don't. Not to be too blunt about it, sorry, it's probably the truth, but that doesn't matter anyway because you'll never know until you take your guard down and get out of this fog with your ex to see it.

I broke up with my ex a year ago. It's hard and I understand what you're going through, but at the end of the day, I know I made the right decision. I didn't force it. But I certainly didn't judge her after our first date for 4 hrs. If that was the case, I would of thought she was a snotty model with no personality. And that definitely wasn't the case. Infact, we used to laugh about that all the time.

I'm impressed your moving on but you also better not be "disappearing" in Italy because you don't want to deal with you ex.

Cause that is not the answer as well.

And I do think it's unfair that because you didn't want to see your ex, you decided to pass the time with me.

No offense, but I'm worth a lot more and have a lot more to offer someone.

You shouldn't feel you are settling with me. You should be showing me off.

Could you imagine if I was like "oh, my ex just canceled on me so I guess I'll meet Shelley and hope my ex texts me while I'm out with her. And just to be safe, I'll pick Doc Wastons."

That's ridiculous! Be stronger with yourself and move on.

I was lucky to meet you and I think the timing was perfect. And you started out giving us a chance, but then quickly threw up your guard and jumped into your fog comfort zone again.

And instead of just relaxing with me and hanging out, because of it, you judged me (being in your fog) & thinking about your ex and all this after a 4 hr stint at doc watsons. Let me ask you a question, with all that being said, what sparks did you think were going to fly there between us? Lol! Seriously!

I could have Bar Raphael in front of me and wouldn't of been interested in that state. Did you purposely also pick Doc Watson's to make it fail as well. Lol!

I'm not mad at all. I'm actually enjoying this conversation.

I just think you may be missing out on something really great and you deserve a lot more then where you are with an old ex.

If you do want to hang out again, now this time you owe ME dinner. Cause you were pre-judging and should of told me your situation before we met.

You are now punished.

Gotta hop on a 4:30 conf call, damn this email is way too long.

Write back.

Chris

-----------------------------

From: Shelley G. [mailto:shelley.g@gmail.com]
From: Christopher Segerdale [mailto:csegs@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, December 2, 2008 5:11:28 PM
Subject: Re: Alright...

I'm just going to tell you quickly that this will not work out. Sorry.

-----------------------------

From: Christopher Segerdale [mailto:csegs@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, December 02, 2008 5:24 PM
To: Shelley G. [mailto:shelley.g@gmail.com]
Subject: Re: Alright...

I'm sorry as well.

----------------------------------

I have to give props to Shelley for having the class and courtesy to even respond to this guy MULTIPLE times and for trying to give him a brutally honest answer.

A lesser person would have just blown him off from the get-go.

But then none of us would have been able to witness this treasure trove of ridiculousness.

Spice Girls Concert

So...the Spice Girls...

You're probably wondering how in hell we went from mediocre stadium-side seats to being in the front row, yes?

Well...we had taken our seats up in the first tier directly across the stadium from the stage, when Kris's friend and former HBO co-worker Dana (who now works for the Prudential Center) walked by us and said, "Hey guys! Do you want an upgrade?"

I was dumbfounded and looked over at Kris who's reaction kind of said he knew all along that we might get hooked up but of course he had never mentioned a thing in case it didn't work out.

We excitedly jumped to our feet and gathered up all our stuff. (The annoying little teenagers and fatties sitting around us were all fully aware of what was happening and kind of looked at us in disbelief with their mouths hanging open.)

Dana escorted us down through several security/ticket checkpoints toward floor seating. As we bounded down through the stadium, moving closer and closer to the stage, my eyes widened and my jaw dropped exponentially.

It was absolute insanity.

Apparently the owner of the stadium or owner of the NJ Devils or whoever plays there was supposed to come to the concert with his family but bailed and thus his three sweet owner's seats were available.

(Below you can see the view from our original seats with the green arrow pointing to our new seats.)




I would have loved to have seen our former seat-neighbors' reactions as they watched us move up next to the stage. I bet it was saweeeeet.




Dana had the nerve to ask, "You think these seats will work for you?"

I was like, "Well...it's a little close, and we won't be able to see what's going on on the video screens or the main stage if we're focused on people dancing on the catwalk/side stage...but...I think we can deal."



The lights went down and two-plus-hours of subhuman girlish shrieking and epilepsy-inducing camera flashes commenced.



"Spice Up Your Life" was the opener and it was sooooo epic.

Imagine an entire stadium raising their fists, screaming, "SPICE UP YOUR LIFE!!!!" at all the appropriate times.





"Spice Up Your Life" transitioned into "Stop", in which the girls walked down onto the catwalk (which they would do almost every other song for the rest of the show) and were performing literally 4 or 5 feet away from us.



If I had wanted to I could have reached out and slapped Posh.



The dancers were awesome and hot.



OMFG.



Posh looked fierce, as she always does.



And everyone else looked to be in ridiculous shape.







When it came time for solo performances, Victoria opted to do a little runway catwalk thing for less than a minute.



It was silly. But sooooo fierce.

She really looks amazing.



Ginger performed "It's Raining Men".

Mel C did "I Turn to You".

Scary did a cover of "Are You Gonna Go My Way?" and humped some dude's face onstage.

And Baby performed "Maybe".



"Holler" was pretty awesome.

Mel B has a ridiculous body after coming off of Dancing with the Stars.





Then they did this medley of cover songs like "Celebration" and "We Are Family".

Posh walked over near us...



So we jumped onto our chairs and waved KG's Beckham jersey around like crazy.



She saw...smiled...and then...SHE WAVED RIGHT AT US.



(We had actually done a similar thing earlier when Posh wasn't really paying attention but Ginger was closer and she saw and kind of pointed toward Posh gesturing "She's over there!" I was like, "Oh...WE KNOW... Thanks Ginge.")

The dancers were so awesome.



And they closed with "Wannabe"...




But encored with another round of "Spice Up Your Life".








During the final choruses, confetti sprayed everywhere.










God. SO EPIC.



If you still have a chance to see the show you really really should.

And now...I'm off to see it again!