BOOZE CROOZE

Megoon found out about fun booze cruise featuring a Led Zeppelin cover band.

I told her I would not recognize any songs.

She told me there would be drinking.

I said ok.










The funny thing about booze croozing...

You could be looking all pretty and wind-blown one minute:



But a few drinks and the motion of the ocean can do some funny things:

TL's new digs

Teresa's new pad is like the inside of an oversized girl's treehouse.

(The treehouse is oversized, not the girl.)

It's a two story loft but the ceilings in the kitchen/hallway/upstairs bedroom are 6 feet tall (notice I'm ducking in the hallway to take the picture).

Located in the West Village at Mercer and 4th, it also costs about $4 million a month.



We ate dinner at Favelli Cafe around the corner from her house across the street from the Mercer Hotel (where Russell Crowe famously threw a phone at the concierge.)

During dinner we sat next to THE MOST bipolar couple I have ever seen.

Seating was tight (they were literally inches from us) and these people alternated several times between giggling and laughing with each other to fighting INTENSELY saying things "GET UP. We're LEAVING. I'm not going to listen any more of your BULLSHIT."

We just sipped our drinks quietly and exchanged funny looks.



(TL what else were they saying? I just remember it being totally weird.)

Also the place made really good Bloody Marys.

And MEATLOAF.

HOOCHIES ADVANCE

Went to watch the Noguchi's Hoochies play in their playoff game in Central Park yesterday afternoon.

Being a stereotypical gaysian with an intense fear of bloodsports (yes, I consider softball to be a blood sport) you would never catch me actually playing in a game (not that I've ever been invited to play...I think we have unspoken understanding). But I do enjoy watching.

Nevertheless, it was an exciting game that I will let That Guy recap it for you.



Taku "That Guy" Noguchi writes:

The pen is not mightier than the softball bat... I just can't do this game - a 7-6 all guts, all glory victory - justice. But here's a rundown: In one of the biggest softball games in Hoochie History, Karen (aka PeterGammons) pitched a 6-run clinic against the most formidable offense in the league, with no runs allowed in the last 5 innings. This was a true playoff performance - everyone stepped up in their own way, and in retrospect, every play, every contribution, EVERY INCH, was absolutely key to the victory. The put out at second by Henes, the running grabs by Cooney, TO playing clutch at a new position in right, Team Mom with the orange slices, Matty-B holding down the fort at third, No Bull and Hibachi negotiating no man's land in short center, Crash Davis bowling over the girl catcher (FACIAL). It was down to the wire but in the end, indisputable, even by this team of whiny, "I wish I played some kind of sport for the Florida Gators when I was in college, which was like 15 years ago but I still name my team after them" dorks.



Kris "Dorn" Goddard (above, at bat) writes:

"That Guy" forgot to mention that with the Hoochies up 7-6 in the bottom of the 6th, the Gators loaded the bases with 2 outs. Joe Steroids stepped to the plate and laced what he thought was a clutch single between 3B and Short....this hit would've easily scored 2 and put us down going into the final inning except for one small detail....That Guy made a play of the year diving snag and throw to 3rd for the inning/rally ending out. You had to see it to believe it.....after barfing all over the plate with his at-bats, he sacked up and saved the day to make up for it....truly a "co-MVP" in my eyes.



And finally, Karen "PeterGammons" the rookie pitcher (team picture, bottom, third from right) writes:

Hell yeah! Having ‘intentionally’ walked the bases loaded, with the game on the line, the defense yet again saved my ass. Like any good manager, That Guy (Taku) selflessly got sick with the flu in the hopes the other team would be stricken with it or at the very least disgusted when he vomited on their cleats as they rounded second. When that didn’t pan out, he stocked up on vitamin C (clutch, clutch orange slices) and made the best out of the game, and maybe the season. Sick (pun intended) play. How that could be left out, I don’t know -what a humble that guy.

Quick insult to injury anecdote. I bumped into their lead-off-hitter- Mr. ‘I’ve-never-been-walked-before-in-softball’ -in the subway where he went on to congratulate me (“I can’t believe we lost to you guys”) and then, with a smoothness I haven’t seen since 6th grade, dropped a killer line (“you, uh, going somewhere to celebrate or maybe ice down that arm? ) Being a Hoochie and therefore trained in good sportsmanship, I turned him down easy by throwing my glove at his head and telling him I’d bean him in his fleshy thigh next season. I could not be more excited for next Friday.



So there you have it.



The Hoochies are going to the finals!!!!

New Yorkers are HOT

In LA, people dress up and pay thousands of dollars to look like they picked random used clothes out of Salvation Army/Goodwill and just threw it on without giving it much thought and somehow it kind of works.

I'm all for super-distressed jeans and army jackets, but it will never compare, I think, to East Coast style.

Here, everywhere you walk, everyone is dressed up and preppified and I love it.

Thomas Pink. Ralph Lauren. They are gods.

..................

So yesterday I had a photoshoot for one of these beautiful New Yorkers.




Beautiful, right?

(Doug, close your mouth.)

She's fourteen.

!!!!!!

And not fourteen going on fifteen.

She JUST TURNED fourteen.

.......

Can anyone say "jailbait"?

City of Blinding Lights

I've arrived in NYC. I love this place. It is so friggin' beautiful.



As my plane landed I was listening to the most beautiful song ever dedicated to New York City, U2's "City of Blinding Lights".

They used it to open their Vertigo concert tour, as they should have.

BONO IS GOD.

I've loved the song for a while. But I hadn't seen the video until I downloaded it off iTunes yesterday and it has increased my love of the song exponentially.

It will seriously give you chills.

Les Deux

So last night (Monday, woo!) we went to Hollywood Hotspot Les Deux.

It's supposedly a huge celeb hangout so we were worried about lines/getting in since we are not nearly as cool as Naia.

Being the monstrous dorkbags that we are, we spent about 15 minutes wandering around the exterior of the club all lost and bewildered trying to find the entrance. (It's kind of hidden because that makes the club even cooler.) We ended up asking the Parking Mexican who showed us the way and informed us that the club wouldn't be open for another hour, shaking his head with disdain.

(You know you are so not awesome when even the Parking Mexican thinks you are an idiot.)



Behind the girls' head lies the secret entrance yonder. (I like the word yonder.) (But I think I may have just used it incorrectly.)



We passed the time at nearby bar Boardman's where they make incredibly delicious Chocolate Cake shots.



At 10:01 pm we eagerly headed over to Les Deux, which was now open, but of course, empty.



Within thirty minutes though the place filled up.






They played an awesome mix of dance and scream-at-the-top-of-your-lungs classics.



It was pretty awesome.



We stayed until way late.

Got home around 2. Woke up at 6 to pack and get to the airport (and get exit row seats).

And now I'm off to New York!

Coming up this week: Booze Cruise with Megoon! Fun with TL! MoMa with Anne! Silliness with Heidi! Noguchi's Hoochies! Ferix! Steph! Boston! Providence! WAAAAHAAAAA!!!!!

Naia's TOTALLY EPIC 25th Birthday Bash

It started with pregaming...



...and an incredible post-pregame cab ride downtown.

The driver had a tv screen and a hilarious Chris Rock standup dvd.




I had bailed on dinner because I just knew it was going to culminate in a multi-thousand-dollar bill-paying fiasco and instead opted for ordering pizza and beers for everyone. (Sorry Narns!) (By the way, we got there as they were embarking upon the hour-and-a-half shitshow that was reconciling the bill and I was right.)

Oh. Also. Props to Naia for flipping her shit when they tried to keep us in line outside and getting a sea of people into the club at the same time.



Smershy, Lady Di, and The Pentacostal were on hand for a drink but quickly peaced out to attend what they thought was going to be a sweeter party at The Standard.



I think they were wrong.



Naia chose to have her bday at a sweet new rooftop bar/club called Elevate.

See that little bluish glow on the lower left? That's The Standard Hotel's rooftop pool/bar as seen from the incredible balcony that encircled the entire club.



Many of our favorite people were on hand.

The boys.




The Alis. (Yes there are three - Annie, Tatyana, Kimmie.)



Even Ryan Starr from American Idol: Season One/Surreal Life made an appearance.



The place was SO BEAUTIFUL and it was INCREDIBLE FUN SEXXYTIME.



(Also the above picture features the first person I have ever seen to totally rock a unibrow and not have it look totally disgusting.)

Nice work man!



It was So. Much. Fun.






If you don't believe me, look very closely at this next photo.



Hirarious.



And now for the MOST EPIC EVENT IN EGGFURY HISTORY:

These random well-dressed, good-looking Asian guys from Canada recognized Chrispy or someone and then looked around and realized they knew EVERYONE.

Why?

Because they randomly read this blog EVERY F-ING DAY at their boring office jobs. IN CANADA.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was totally awesome. Maybe equally as mind-blowing for us as it was for them.

Me: Do you know him? (pointing to Eugene)
Asian fanboy: Yup!
Me: Do you know Naia? (pointing to birthday princess)
Asian fanboy: Yup!
Me: Who's that? (pointing across the bar)
Asian fanboy: That's Ryan!
Me: What do Angelina Jolie and I have in common?
Asian fanboy: (thinks for a second) ...the same LASIK Surgeon!

We. Are famous.

One day we will look back on this night and be like "Remember that first time someone recognized us in public?"

So cool.



Welcome, boys! (I don't remember your names but shoot me an email from my website.)

Also, in case you're wondering why your skin is flawless and you look so damn good, it's because:

(A.) my camera is made of magic

and

(B.) zits*, tummies, arm fat, weak jawlines, and tiny boobs (YUCK!) are not allowed in the world of eggfury.

Now you know all my secrets.

*- with some exceptions



Kate was subject to some interesting Canadian mating rituals where apparently you just ROAR at your victims, erm, I mean, pretty girls.



Did I mention how much fun we had?





HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAIA! YOU RULE!!!!