Perez's 35th Birthday / Ridiculous Veggies

Some of you have been bugging me about Joy Luck Club already.

But I'm not ready to blog about it yet.

I still have the last two days in South Africa to cover too. Ugh.

Not ready for that one either.

So instead, you get to read about veggies and Perez Hilton's birthday party.

I was going to tell you about the veggies first...but who wants to read about veggies BEFORE they read about Perez? DUHHHH. Veggies come last!

ANYWAY. As you may or may not remember, I was in LA last week. And Steven happened to have +2 to Perez's birthday party. (They are friends somehow. It's WeHo. I don't know.)

So we went.

Oh, also it was a Pajama Party. TOTALLY ripping AnnieAli's Birthday Party Idea WTF.

I wish I had had my Kigurumi. Instead I bought these stupid Sesame Street PJs at Target for like $2.50.

So it was me, Steven, and KatiSharp against the world.

Some other attendees had Kigurumi! So cute!

There was a pretty awesome pillow-fight photobooth.

There was also a Panda running around grabbing people's butts and boobs. (Funny how people are totally willing to let what you know has to be a creepy-ass homeless dude in a panda suit grope them freely AS LONG as they are wearing the panda suit.)

And a cereal bar.

There were also free tacos. But the tacos were Taco Bell. Because they sponsored the party. Classy.

Anyhoo. It was really fun. I ate like 20 tacos. I don't think Perez eats Tacos anymore. Which is why it was weird to have a Taco Bell Birthday.

(PS Last time I saw Perez he looked like this.)

Oh, Adrienne Maloof was also there. She looks WAY skinny in person. (On TV she looks kinda big, but she's tiny.)

Also thanks to her bodyguard for photobombing our picture.

Adrienne happened to know our friend KatiSharp...so we all chatted.

Perez gave some presentation about his new baby.

And Panda was all over Ke$ha as we were leaving...

Ooooh OK. Now I'm going to tell you about vegetables.

So Will here is a crazy manorexic veggieman. So he likes to eat at weird little veggie restaurants which are all the rage in LA for obvious reasons. So we went to this place Cafe Gratitude, which is an all vegan restaurant. I was totally tricked. The vegan aspect was not revealed to me until I arrived.

So the menu of this place is like everything people hate about vegetarians and vegetarian culture.

Instead of listing menu items like "Kale Salad" or "Eggplant Sandwich", each menu item has a special name and you have to order it that way.

For instance:

I AM SUSTAINED Steamed quinoa with fresh fruit, goji berries, cinnamon, maple syrup and coconut milk

I AM PEACE Live onion sesame bagel with cashew crèam cheese, nori “lox,” tomato, onion, capers and sprouts   7.5  Add Avocado   2

I AM VIVACIOUS Live marinated kale chips with your choice of dipping sauce: Hempseed ranch, garlic-tahini, spicy nacho 8

I AM DAZZLING Caesar Salad with romaine lettuce, avocado, brazil nut parmesan and capers tossed with Caesar dressing 9 Add olive tapenade 2 

The f*cking words have to actually come out of your mouth in order for you to receive the "food" that you want to eat.

Oh P.S. our "waitress"'s name was PRINCESS. (Pretty sure she was a pre-op M to F tranny). 

If you want to see the full menu, you can go here: http://cafegratitudela.com/menu/

All that silliness aside though, the food is actually really good!

I had the eggplant sandwich. Mainly because it was called "I AM AWESOME" and that was the only thing I was willing to say out loud in front of other humans.

(Oh and when they deliver the food, they say, "YOU ARE AWESOME, etc." in supertranny gayvoice. That part is pretty rad.)

I also had a smoothie. I AM INCREDIBLE Green superfood smoothie with kale, coconut, milk, hemp seed, almond butter, Maca, banana, & Himalayan sea salt

Tasted good for the first 4 of 5 sips. And then it felt like I was drinking a chalkboard.

We had some bruschetta...

Brussel Sprouts...

And Garlic Kale...

Really really good. Surprisingly. I'd go back. If your name is KristenGastler you'd love this place.

Spicy Pregame | Ginger Spice's House!

So to make up for last night (Taty's B'day)'s lack of Spicy Dance Music.

Camilla and Annie decided to have a Spice Girls themed dinner party/pregame.

The girls made all kinds of fancy little morsels.

Deviled eggs...



Assorted cheeses...



Chips, dips, and wine...



And I brought a sausage pizza. Obviously.



Yumminy yum yum yumminy yum.



Also Annie bought a three-pound slab of freakily bright red salmon that we devoured over the course of the night.






Also there were margaritas.



Andy had his eye on anything with boobs and a leg .

(Yes, he would settle for a one-legged.)



Drunkenly, Annie and I were trying to set Andy and Camilla up. We thought we would get them to make out by luring them into the bathroom with us to have a group chat and then very subtly slipping away into the shower to have "a talk".

So we went into the shower and closed the curtain and pretended to be having some kind of conversation. And then we were having so much fun getting carried away with that that five minutes later we both stopped were like...wait...is anyone even still in the bathoom?

Nope!



It was hilarious.

To us anyway.

So...Andy had the info on some Brown party supposedly being held at Ginger Spice's house up in the Hollywood Hills.

We piled into this dude Alex's car and were on our way.







The party was a shitshow.

Huge house. Totally packed.




Ran into Brenda and Walter.




Dancing.



Drinks flying and falling everywhere.



Oh and it apparently wasn't AT Ginger Spice's House but OVERLOOKED her house.

We threw beercans at it. We classy.



Before long we opted out to finalize our evening with fun drunken chatter in a smaller group.



We hailed a cab.




And headed back to Camilla's.



Ate some more fish.




Mmmmm....fish fingers....



Ohhhh...the shitshow that happened when we got back to Camilla's...

Andy brought his random friend Randall home with us.

Randall sat on the couch not participating in conversation.

Randall was drinking RED wine in a giant glass sitting on a WHITE couch.

Randall passed out, wine glass in hand, which then slipped through his fingers, bounced on the couch, and SOMERSAULTED onto the floor/rug.

Randall made the executive decision to flip the couch cushion and run away with the rest of our group.

Camilla's roommate was NOT PLEASED the next morning...

(P.S. I am Randall.)