Celebrity showcase!

Yesterday Eugene and I attended the taping of the Jay Leno show, special thanks to Eugene's special friend Steven Vail.

Featured on the show were Jamie Foxx (sooo talented. soooo hott.) and Chloe! (from 24!). They were both hilarious. It was a fun show.



Following the show we went to The Shack where I ate an undeliciously healthy salad.

And following that we went over to Douglas's to enjoy his beautiful new beirut table...



And fridge full of Eggos.

You say Mormon, I say More Man...

Once upon a time I joined Match.com.

It was fun for a while, "wink"ing at people and getting "wink"ed back, but I kind of got sidetracked and stopped checking it a couple months ago.

But last night, Javier, my first match-crush, asked me out.

We had our first date.

I brought him to Q's. We hung out in a dark upstairs corner and talked.

He is 27. 6'2". Half-Asian/half-Latino. Former model. Drives a beemer. And is Mormon.

Despite the latter fact, however, he is surprisingly fun and talkative. I guess Mormons develop excellent conversation skills because they learn to get by without the wonder of alcohol and also they all have to go on two-year Missions talking to strangers and trying to get them to join their silly cause.

Javier does not drink. Although he tried it once. And got trashed. And blacked out. And vomited. And got hungover. And decided that alcohol is not much fun anyway.

The key here is that he tried it once.

HE IS CORRUPTIBLE.

And also incredibly hot.

BLOOD

Today I got my blood drawn for the first time in my life.

It was NOT a wonderful experience.

After waiting for an hour, I finally got shuffled into Booth #5. The setup itself had me all nervous. No special attention. No bedside manner. I'm just one in a long line of people just waiting to be impaled by one of the overworked, underslept, possibly incompetent med students.

I walked into my booth and was immediately trailed by the plain-looking med student girl, snapping on her latex scary-gloves. She meant business. As the girl started to tie a tourniquet around my arm, I looked at her pleadingly, hoping to get some kind of emotion out of her hardened face.

In the absence of smiles, I uncontrollably began spewing off a bunch of nervously obnoxious questions:

"How long will this take?"
"Do you do this a lot?"
"How deep does the needle go?"
"Are you certified to do this?"
"If I start to pass out will you pull the needle out real quick so that it doesn't snap off and stay stuck in my arm?"

She attached the needle to the plastic tube-y thing and began rubbing my arm with an alcohol swab. OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD.

I turned my head and closed my eyes.

She stabbed me.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..." I squealed, girlishly, with my eyes shut tight.

It wasn't loud. But it was a definite steady squeal throughout the duration of the operation.

I heard the bitch giggling. Completely unprofessional.

"That's it, you're done!"

I opened my eyes. Looked at my arm all taped up.



I'M ALIVE!!!!

Peek-a-boo!!!! I see you!!!! (And I really wish I didn't...)

I just paid a surprise visit to my buddy's apartment to see if he would like to accompany me to the store to pick up some Strawberry Blonde beers that we needed to replace because we drank some of Kristy's.

I knocked.

No answer.

Knocked again.

I figured he must be sleeping or something. So I turned around to leave.

As I did this, my lovely friend opened his door, peeked his head out, realized it was me, and stepped into the hall.

"Hey! What's up?" he asked, totally normal.

I looked down. And there it was.

A happy little boner peeking out of his hundred-dollar jeans.

In his rush to answer the door, he had apparently forgotten to zip his fly.

I quickly regained eye-contact and proceeded to have the retard equivalent of a normal conversation hoping that he hadn't noticed that I had noticed. (And also hoping that he didn't realize that his little buddy was poking out and trying to awkwardly squoosh it back in with me standing there...)

WHAT ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO DO IN SUCH A SITUATION?!?!?!?!?

"Hey....um.....I....uh....want to...uh....the grocery store? To...get...uh....blonde beer?"

"Nah...I gotta finish up some stuff.... but thanks."

"Oh...uh...ok. What are you doing....tonight?"

"I dunno....did you...finish your tax return?"

"Yes. OK see you later bye."

I left awkwardly.

Came back home.

And called everyone I know.

The Watering Hole

Another night at Q's.



Drinking.



Drinking.



Taco Truck.

Scion XpressFest

Last night Bri, Di, Maxy, Wally, Evie, Narnal, and I attended the Scion XpressFest music video competition at the Ivar which featured 10 or so videos by budding directors. It was cool. We were supporting one of Max's friends. Bri and I were really there for the open bar.

We kicked off the evening by eating some delicious star-shaped chicken nuggets at Q's.

And then we danced and drinked our silly little asses off.

MmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm yeah...

I resisted a Yoshinoya Beef Bowl on the ride home. Aren't you proud?

KG's Birthday: Night 2 Photo Recap

On Saturday night we managed to pull off yet another surprise on KG.

We got his parents to insist that they spend "family time" together and had him pulled away from the group for dinner. This angered Kris immensely, leading to a series of apologetic calls explaining how his parents "always pull this shit" and how he promised we'd still have a fun time later in the evening.

Somehow we had managed to plant the idea in his head that going out to Jillian's later that evening was HIS brilliant idea.

Around 9ish, he arrived to a crowd of 30 to 40 cheering friends and family members.

He hadn't suspected a thing.



We ate.



We hung out.





Benny B blacked-out .



And had to be carried out of the bar.



And force-fed.



(which resulted in Gen getting faced)



But with the help of several strong men, Blackout Ben was finally subdued...



...and punished.







......................................................

The next morning, we awoke to find that Heidi's pad had turned into a total crackhouse. (Notice Toddy G sleeping face-down on the carpet.)



Happy Birthday KG!!!!

KG's Birthday: Night 1 Photo Recap.

So Friday, Heidi and I spent most of the day shuttling to and from Logan Airport picking up the various surprise guests arriving into town to surprise our little birthday treasure.

The Friday arrivals included Robin & Nancy (Heidi's parents), Althea & Bill (Kris's parents), Erik (Kris's best friend from high school, and of course Gen, Ben, and Toddy G.

Over the course of the day, several of the flights were delayed, resulting in us discovering interesting ways to keep ourselves entertained while sitting in the Hilton hotel parking lot...




There's also a little music video that we shot that I'm not allowed to post because Heidi will stop being my friend. (However, if you ask nicely I'll send you a little preview.)

.....................................

The surprises on day one came in 3 waves and everything worked out perfectly thanks to Heidi's meticulous over-planning.

The first surprise occurred when Kris and Heidi entered the restaurant at 8pm to find Althea, Bill, and Erik.

Two hours later, Robin and Nancy arrived.

And finally the boys and I arrived, singing (with cake), an hour after that.

What was amazing was that Kris had called each and every one of us just hours earlier saying how he missed us and was planning to just have a chill, romantic birthday weekend. He even went so far as to tell Ben and Gen that they were bad friends for not making the trip from DC to celebrate with him.

Needless to say he was blown away when we all showed up together.










700 dollars and 26 tequila shots later, we returned to Heidi's for some drunken shenanigans...



Super-atomic wedgies...



And homoerotic wrestling.



.............................................

Our birthday boy woke up a bruised and broken man...

Kris's Surprise Birthday

So I've been in Boston since Wednesday making preparations with Heidi to surprise Kris for his birthday.

The surprise worked and everyone (including Kris and Heidi's parents) flew out for the little surprise (Friday) and the big surprise (Saturday). Thanks to Heidi's meticulously brilliant planning, everything went off without a hitch and we managed to surprise unassumining Kris a total of four times. What Kris was expecting to be a a quiet, romantic weekend turned out to be totally sweet and crazy weekend.

Pictures to follow. Oh hoh hohohohoh they are soooo good.

Secret Mission

It is true.

It is secret.

The Adventures of Flat Stanley

Flat Stanley is Matt's little sister's cut-out paper doll school project that he has been assigned to bring on his fabulous adventures around the world. Anytime Matt does something neat or goes somewhere fun, he brings Flat Stanley along and snaps a picture to send back to his sister's 3rd grade class.

It's quite possibly the most brilliant pick-up tactic ever.



Stanley and his daddies.



Stanley and the LA Models.



Stanley and the $70,000 Louis Vuitton trunk.



Stanley and Eva Mendes.

An Evening at Casa Victoria

Had a supremely fun, Patron-fueled evening at a party hosted by Victoria Birch.

Everyone and their mom came.

Except mine. (She's in France.)








Also, I finally gave in and rented the DVDs for 24 yesterday.



It was truly incredible.

Until six hours into it I realized I watching Episode 6...of SEASON 4.

I am just a weird giant with a camera...

...but give me Walter.

And I will give you this:








We took 400 pictures. These are six of them.

I can't figure out if it's me. Or him. Or me. Or him.

Either way. Somebody did some good work and I am proud.

Thank you, Wally.