LAX -> JFK... PigFlu = Empty Flights!

So last week, I introduced you to the beautiful KristinaKlebe.

During her photoshoot, I confessed to her how I was terrified of flying to NY this week amidst the whole PigFlu ordeal and how I was planning to wear a mask regardless of what people might think or do.

Well she admitted that she felt the same way!

I was amazed. Kristina kills ZOMBIES for a living!

Anyway, she had been wanting to go to NYC for a few auditions and because her family lives there. So she bought tickets for my Delta flight so that we could travel together in style.

(By the way, her 24 audition apparently went awesome and though she hasn't been called back, they are shooting in NYC next season and I just have a feeling deep within my soul that she is destined to be a recurring character on 24 if not next season then at some point soon.)

So yay. Traveling with friends makes life so much more fun.



Goodbye awful urban sprawl!



Hello Rocky Mountains!



After enjoying one of the most yummy meals I've ever had on a flight (short ribs with wasabi/garlic mashed potatoes)...



We braved walking through the flu-infested peasantry and headed to the back of the plane to find it almost completely empty!

Yay PigFlu!

Yay full rows of seats all to ourselves!



Still, we took precautions. Better to be safe than swineflu-ed!



Klebe totally rocks a flu-mask the way Danny rocks geek glasses.



Fierce!



Flu mask also functions as a great eye-cover for sleeping! Amazing!



I LOVE DELTA 4 EVA!!!

-------------------------------------

OK. It is 3:50 am NYC time.

Still on West Coast time but I really must sleep now because we're going out 4 nights in a row starting tomorrow...well today.

Yoinks.

Northwest vs. Delta

Whew.

Just landed back in LA after a layover in Memphis.

Long day of traveling.

I flew Northwest instead of Delta because that's all that was available last-minute for $250.

They've merged, but I'm not quite sure what was in it for Delta. They are a far superior airline.

It's like the Olympics merging with the Special Olympics with the intent to become some kind of superathlete.

Happily, my Delta loyalty pays off on Northwest flights. I was #1 on the upgrade list.



Unhappily, this is what Northwest calls First Class:



Whatever. I'm home.

Vegas tomorrow!

Surprise!!!!!

I'm in New York!!!

I trekked through the airports of the world to get here. Without crutches!

It was an amazing feat for me. I honestly didn't think I'd be able to do it. But it wasn't so bad.

By the time I got here my ankle was the size of a baseball though. Should have taken a picture.

Fun fun.

Drinking bloody marys all day made it bearable.



So my flight over was lame.

Well, half-lame.

From LAX to Salt Lake City (I got my ticket for $250 but had to connect) I got upgraded to first class. Delta, WOOOOO!!!!!!!

From Salt Lake to NYC I was #3 on the upgrade list but they only had one seat available and I guess those two other people had more miles than me. Bastards.

So whatever, I got exit row.

But then. The flight attendant noticed my boot and said I couldn't sit there!

I demonstrated that I could walk quite ably and did my one-legged flamingo dance but still he said it was against FAA regulations. What the f????

They stalled the plane takeoff to discuss with the pilot. I argued and argued. Other passengers said I seemed fine and to just let me sit there. (The plane was completely full, not a single extra seat.)

But in the end they said I would either have to squeeze into a normal seat (which, at 6'7" I don't fit into) or get off the plane.

So I swapped seats with a lady in the aisle and sat with my legs crossed and hanging into the aisle for the 4 hour flight from Salt Lake. SUPERLAME.

It's ok though. I don't blame Delta. They're still the best. Fly Delta! (I own stock.)

But I'm in NYC!!!!!!

This indian-themed party tonight is going to be amazing.

Yay!

I'm coming home!

Fly Delta! They hook it up.

Delta Delta Delta

I love Delta.

Almost as much as I love Brown.

Actually not really. I couldn't love anything nearly as much as I love Brown.

But Delta is pretty awesome.

I called them today to re-book my flight back to LA, since I had to cancel my flight home last month when I broke my ankle.

The little old customer service lady I talked to was so nice. I told her my situation and she pitied my broken-ness and tallness and put a special note in my reservation for them to try not to fill the seats surrounding me. On top of that she put me on the priority list for an upgrade. On top of that she offered to have two dudes carry me from my wheelchair to my seat.

I gave her a cyber-phone-hug.

Couldn't waive the $100 rescheduling fee though. Oh well.

Morals of the story:

1. Delta is the best.
2. Always be super-nice to customer service people. They deal with so many impatient dickwads that if you are really nice and friendly there is almost no end to what they'll go out of their way to do for you. If you get a mean one, hang up and call back.

I'll be home January 8th!

(I'm going to be pretty useless so if you're willing to help drive me around to doctors and physical therapy and movies and food, please let me know. It will be great for your karma.)

Delta is the best.

So the other day I got my Delta Medallion card since I've been flying exclusively with Delta this year and logged over 100,000 miles (I also have a SkyMiles AmEx).



For the past year, for every flight, I've gotten to the airport 4 hours early to make sure I get an exit row to accomodate my giantism.

But with my new Medallion card, I get priority check-in, I can skip the line at security, AND I get upgraded to first class whenever there's empty seats on the flight.

Since I tend to fly on Tuesdays and Wednesdays in the middle of the day, the flights are generally empty!

I'm in row 3B! I feel like Teebags!

I love Delta!

Goodbye exit row!

En route to NYC

I'm at the airport.

About to go to NYC for a week of shoots.

I think I have the flu.

Danny is sick too. I think Doug was sick this weekend. And Anne reported being sick yesterday.

And I bumped into Thesy on her birthday yesterday at some random hotel and she too was looking miserable.

So...everyone is sick.

My body aches and does not want to move.

Also I am annoyed that the Delta Lounge here has only honey mustard pretzel bites as their food offering.

W.T.F.

The New York Lounge has RAVIOLIS and SAUSAGES and SAMOSAS.

LAX needs to get with it. Seriously.

Also I have a zit growing on the inside of my nose.

iChat's bloated-face effect is a good approximation of how I feel.

UNITED AIRLINES SUCKS MY ASS

So I've said it before and I'm going to keep saying it.

UNITED AIRLINES IS THE WORST AIRLINE IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD.

I fly them because they offer cheapo fares, but god they are SO awful.

So get this. I'm on my way to San Francisco this morning. I get to the check in two hours early and ask for an exit row seat.

Usually with other airlines they just give it to me. No problem. I'm tall. I clearly am not going to fit in a normal seat. They pity me. Whatever.

Yesterday I asked for an exit row and the gate agent said, "Sorry. We reserve these seats for 'upselling'. If you want to sit there it will be an extra $14."

It is ridiculous and I refuse to pay, yes because I'm cheap, but also because of the principle of having to pay for something that I would normally get for free.

So I'm like fine. It looks like a pretty empty flight. I'll just sit in a row that is almost empty so that I can spread out.

The plane boards.

They close the door. The exit row is available.

YES!!!!



I grab my stuff and move up a row.

Immediately the big gay flight attendant with a big gay attitude on a big gay power trip comes up to me and says, "I'm sorry sir. The exit row is reserved for 'upselling'. If you sit there, you have to pay an extra $14."

I blinked. Hard.



"Are you serious? There's nobody else sitting here!!!"

At this point the fucker turned into a bitchy automaton, saying, "I'm sorry sir. It is United Airlines' policy to reserve exit row seats for upselling. You are welcome to take up the issue with a customer service representative after your flight. But if you wish to sit here, it will be $14. Now please return to your seat."

"I DON'T FUCKING FIT IN THE REGULAR SEATS!!!!"

(Below is what my legs look like squashed in a regular coach seat.)



He just stared at me with a smug little grin with his hands on his hips and repeated, "Sir. Please return to your seat."

What a fuck fuck fuckitty fucker...



I went back to my seat.

..............

INFURIATING.

..............

I'm writing a strongly worded letter to customer service and if I don't get a free flight out of it I'm going to start firebombing.

At the airport...

I'm going to give you guys a break before I post about Spice Girls: Night 2.

Just got to the airport.

4 hours early, as usual, to request my exit row seats.

It started snowing.



I don't see how I'm not going to be delayed.



I guess it's good. Lots of blog entries to catch up on.

Why hello Delta Crown Room!

Why hello open bar!

Why hello sausages, lobster raviolis, and chicken wings!



Updates coming...

United sucks

UNITED AIRLINES SUCKS MY ASS

They charge $119 for exit row because it is in "Economy Plus".

Also they don't even give you the option to get an exit row seat until 45 mins before departure, so getting to the airport 4 hours early like I always do is totally pointless.

Virgin America

So I've decided to give Virgin America a try for a few of my upcoming trips.

As of now I'm somewhat fiercely devoted to Delta, which offers in-flight trivia/poker which you can play with other passengers as well as a shit-ton of TV shows, Movies, Music, and lots of other games and funnery.

Virgin, however, offers ELECTRIC SOCKETS.



Think of the possibilities!!!

Laptops! DVD Players! Phone charging!

WHY DID NO ONE THINK OF THIS BEFORE??!?!?!?!