Everything changes...

From: tara
Date: Mon, Apr 28, 2008 at 3:15 PM
Subject: Your blog

is my procrastination. and is not being updated frequently enough to
distract me from the horrors of law school exams.

.....................

Sorry I haven't been updating much as of late. I will get on it.

Lots of stuff has been happening lately. Kind of bummed out and lost the will to blog.

But I know it is important for all you bored office people. And for my own self-reflection...

So here we go.

.........................

Brianne and Alex moved to San Francisco this weekend. (Alex will be working for YouTube.)

They are going to have a wonderful wonderful life.

We had a little farewell party at the Gas Lite to see them off.







I think the Gas Lite is done and it's time for it to be retired. The regulars are always there and annoying and gross. They hogged the stage. None of us sang.

Also I scratched my car on a brick wall while dumbass-ed-ly pulling into a non-parking spot.



Total bummer.

............................

Los Angeles is the city people go to and figure out what they want to do with their lives.

It is the perfect place for it.

There's so much opportunity. So much possibility. And everything can change overnight.

Some people get launched into the stratosphere. Some people come. Figure themselves out. And then move on.

Countless people have come and gone.

Poopshid was the first... Then Felix... Goony... TL... Big willie style... Now Bralex...

And Smershy......oh Smershy...

.........................

A lot has changed lately.

And I've been thinking a lot. About life. Where I am. And where I'm going.

Maybe this is quarterlife #2.

I had a mini-quarterlife crisis a few years back at the end of '05. If you've been on this ride with me for a while, you may remember. The Details article I think touched upon it.

Here I am. Two and a half years after my first quarter-life crisis.

I call myself a "professional" photographer and I can back that up with a pretty cool portfolio. It happened faster than I expected.

I work from anywhere. Make a decent amount of money. And work 3 or 4 hours a day. If that.

I get to travel. See my friends near and far. And I have the stress level of a happy cow in a field on a warm day.

It's awesome and I'm definitely not complaining. And shouldn't be. I know.

But as anyone who's ever gotten a raise or promotion will tell you, you adjust to your new and improved circumstances quickly. There's always more you can be doing. More you can be making. Other things to see, do, accomplish.

I live in LA and I'm part of this insane world of privileged, over-ambitious, over-educated people. We're never satisfied and we're not going to stop even when we've achieved world domination. We've been exposed to the world and there is no limit to what we can accomplish. And it is terrifying when you feel like you're not doing enough with what you've been blessed with and you're not achieving your full potential.

People are heading off to bigger and better jobs. Taking off for business school. Becoming doctors/lawyers. Getting engaged and married. And I've got my routine going, but I feel myself plateau-ing.

So that's the angst I'm feeling right now.

As I look around me and see everyone move upward and onward... I feel like it's time to step up my game.

So what I've been thinking these past few days is my move into fashion photography.

I've never been formally trained. And sometimes I feel like a hack. Even though I know my work is decent.

The next level...

I want to be Annie Leibovitz... Or Mario Testino... Or David LaChappelle...but without the alleged sketchiness. (Ask Oliver.)

I want to spend the summer in NYC. Take studio lighting and fashion photography classes.

And keep doing the headshot gigs to pay for all of it. (I seem to get much more business on the east coast.)

I'm eternally torn between LA and New York.

The grass is always greener.

...................

I know whatever I decide will be the right decision.

But right now, it's kind of bumming me out and I'm scared and confused.

...also it is REALLY REALLY hot right now.

I prefer snow.

My night from hell.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKITTY FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKERTON FUCK

We went to a nice dinner. Me, Katie, Meghan, Evan. Waited a good 35 minutes to be seated for a reservation we showed up on time for.

Got a tip from Christian that Victoria is having a party. We go there. And of course it is a private dinner party. Feel very awkward. Wonderful hostess Victoria welcomes us . We chat and exchange pleasantries. Minutes later we realize that it is actually a BIRTHDAY dinner party. Worse, it is VICTORIA's birthday party. We realize this as they start singing and bring out a birthday cake. We have been greeted and welcomed and have failed to wish our hostess a happy birthday. Awkwardness increases exponentially. Throw in a little post-hookup/oops-my-ex-boyfriend-is-standing-at-my-side tension between two friends and I can now officially welcome you to the most uncomfortable moment of my entire life.

Felt horrible. Apologized to Victoria. Left the party. I suck.

Drive to Bar Marmont to meet up with Naia. Find a moderately sweet parking space a few blocks away. Wait in line for half an hour. Naia finally comes and gets us in.

Bar is ok, kind of small. And sweaty.

Have a drink. Leave around 1.

Walk back to the car.

It has been towed.

TOWED.

Hollywood Fucking Department of Transportation says no parking after midnight on Sunset. FUCK FUCKKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK

Take a cab to Hollywood tow. Retrieve my car. Damage is $177.

Little dude in a golf cart drives me to my car. Get in. There's a fucking parking ticket on my windshield. 45 fucking dollars.

I can't deal with this right now. Excuse me. Hi. Yeah. I'm UNEMPLOYED.

I wish I could tell you I drove straight from there into a brick wall and died a horrible screaming death. But alas I am not suicidal. Yet.

It has been a fucking shitty-ass week. Understatement of the century.

My karma must be so very bad right now. I think I should go adopt a one-armed orphan or something. I am actually fearing for my life. This might possibly be the week that I die. Airplane debris is just going to fall from the sky and impale me from skull to sternum.

Hold me.

A new beginning.

I got fired today.

Yes. It is true.

F-f-f-f-fired.

It was an unfortunate blogging incident.

Packed up my things and left.

Cried a little bit in my car like a girl.

It happened in the span of two hours.

The old blog has been shut down. Here begins a new one.

Very very sad. For legal reasons I probably shouldn't explain. But it's done.

I am unemployed.

I have very mixed feelings about it all. It's kind of my fault. And I understand why I had to be fired. Kind of. I AM glad to have free time again. Finally. It wasn't a hostile firing. It was just what needed to be done. We parted with hugs.

So I guess I'm going to read. Watch movies. Learn about photography. Work out. Play tennis.

Spent the afternoon on the beach with KG. Very glad to see him and Heidi. I wasn't originally going to get to see KG on his supershort visit, since he was only in town for one day. But I guess everything happens for a reason. And that worked out. So yay.

And the funniest part is, my boss called me about four hours post-firing while I was eating a delicious fried lunch on the beach and said, "Uh...I don't know how to burn DVDs..." And I had to talk him through it on the phone.

Everything happens for a reason.

(deep breath)