Sunday, September 4, 2011

New Orleans!!!

OK, so flashback a week and a half to New Orleans.

I arrived and was greeted by Semmes and Katie and their new neighborhood fancypizzaplace.



On the menu was a Muffalletta Martini.

For those of you who don't know, a muffalletta is a sandwich made of a million different kinds of salami and olives and capers and all these other deliciously weird ingredients.

The description of the Muffalletta Martini was vodka infused with cured meats and olives...I don't know, I was feeling adventureful.



It was NOT delicious. It tasted like the meatjuice that collects when you leave cold cuts in the fridge for too long.

The MEATBALL appetizer, however, was heaven.



As were the stuffed figs.



And the sausage pizza.



The day after, Semmes and Katie flew off to celebrate their anniversary in Barcelona. They left me and Jesse to protect their house and dance around like girls in their bedroom.



Deckydance kicked off with an open bar at the W hotel.



Jesse's buddies from San Diego had come along and were super fun.






Normally the streets of deckydance are packed with people. But this year, because of Tropical Storm Lee it POURED and a lot of people stayed indoors. That's not going to stop us from making fun out of nothing though!

We were getting 3-for-1 drinks at Krazy Korner and the rain was spilling out of these spouts on the edge of the roof, so much so that if you held a cup up to the water, it would fill up in a matter of seconds. So we started filling up our drink cups with rainwater and dumping them on people's umbrellas and faces as they walked by. (They were getting drenched anyway.)



A couple people called us assholes.



But the laughs were worth it.



We also danced around on the street shaking our asses at homo-haters.



On our second night. The rain let up a tiny bit and the streets filled with people.



Jesse is SUPER popular and ended up having visiting girlfriends as well. They were super fun.



On of the funniest moments of the night was when a bunch of us noticed a dancer changing out on a adjoining rooftop and Jesse ran over to get a look and smashed his head into the window, thinking it was open.







Because of the weather, a lot of events ended up getting cancelled. We spent daytime most days recovering and watching Disney movies. Literally we'd go to Blockbuster every day and ONLY choose movies out of the 99 cent Kids section.



We'd also drive by this ghetto looking place Danny's every day which we thought was hilarious because they can't make up their frickin' minds what to serve...



On our last night, Jesse's friend Kristin invited her boyfriend Trevor out, and he is officially the most open-minded straight person I've ever met in my life.



He even happily mingled with daddies!




I caught glimpses of Khalil and some of my other NOLA buddies just a few times over the course of the weekend.



Mostly we played with Jesse's insane friends.



On this last night the girls literally danced and jumped around in the street and at the bars with their titties hanging out.



It was one of the funniest things I have seen in my life. NOLA just brings out the best in people.




Jesse also got sling-shotted across the bar by his underwear.



I miss NOLA!


Saturday, September 3, 2011

New Orleans!

I'm in NOLA with Jesse for Southern Decadence!

It's been pouring non-stop for the past few days, but it is still an amazing party of course. And even though the streets are not nearly as crowded as years past (understatement) we are having fun pouring water on people from the balconies. Yay!




I'm also obsessed with this new David Guetta song "Without You" featuring Usher. Can't wait for the dance remix. I think it's going to be big. You can't help but feel happy and dancey when the chorus kicks in.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Teebags! / US Open

Everyone's favorite Thai princess has been visiting and staying with me for the past week.

In addition to sitting on the couch marathoning The Millionaire Matchmaker, we have been eating a lot...





And one of my headshot clients hooked us up with some free tickets to see Catch Me If You Can before it closes for good next week so we went to see that...





The show is highly entertaining, though not all that memorable. And the dancing is good, but nowhere near as amazing as in How To Succeed...

And then Tee got us tickets to the 1st round of the US Open.

I'd never been before, so I was excited to check it out.




We got great almost-courtside seats at the James Blake match...



I miss when Jimmy had all that hair.



He's still quite swoonerriffic though.






We caught a beautiful sunset from the stadium while eating chicken fingers...



And then we went into the main stadium where we had not-as-great seats for the Rafa match.



We were reaaaally high up.



But thank god for the signature vodka drink, The Honey Deuce, which kept us happy.





Alexander Skarsgard was there... they showed a shot of him up on the Jumbotron and the place went nuts.



Even Nadal himself looked a lil starstruck.




And of course the crowd went nutso everytime Rafa changed clothes.




Have you seen his Armani ads???



Oh and then we caught the beginning of the Serena match. But it wasn't even a challenge as she tore her 18-year-old opponent to shreds.




I did, however, win a free ice cream bar when they threw them into the stands! Highlight of my evening.



Love the US Open!


Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Hurricane

I fled the city because of the Hurricane not because I was worried about my building falling down or anything...but because of the flooding that was supposed to occur. I didn't want my car to get hurt since I leave it on the street.

So I drove up to Connecticut to hide out at the Gastlers.

On my way I stopped at McDonalds at one of those rest areas on the freeway. (This was on Saturday morning, the hurricane was supposed to arrive late Saturday night/Sunday morning.)

Normally these places are annoyingly packed. On Saturday it was deserted.




The Gastlers live right by Mohegan Sun, so I went there to kill some time and play poker.

Mohegan Sun is 20 times more beautiful than Foxwoods and I'm coming here from now on.

It looks like a Vegas casino!






The morning of the hurricane we got a ton of wind and water. But you couldn't really tell any of this at the Gastlers where we enjoyed home cooked delicious food, movies, reading, and several games of bananagrams.




The power was out throughout Connecticut, but their house has three generators so we barely even noticed.

Outside, things were blowing all over the place though. Mostly leaves and branches.





And a few bodies here and there, whatevs.




By the late afternoon things had settled down and we were able to go outside and survey the damage.




No major damage, I was both relieved and disappointed.




When I got home, most New Yorkers seemed irate that the media had "overhyped" the hurricane and that everyone had been over-prepared.

Only in NYC would people actually be irritated that a hurricane ended up being a relative non-event instead of leaving a trail of death and destruction in its wake.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Best. Roommate. Ever.

Tee just arrived in NYC from Thailand and showed me this.

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/sha/2549849730.html

Ashton also just twittered it as well, so it's blowing up.

--------------------------------

$1000 Best. Roommate. Ever.


Date: 2011-08-18, 3:39PM PDT
Reply to: hous-ughzv-2549849730@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Konichiwa bitches. Are you looking for the most kick-ass fucking roommate that ever lived? If so, look no further. You fucking found him. I'm a 25-year-old professional marketing agent with experience at bad-ass companies in New York Fucking City. That's right! What you know about experience? I graduated from Auburn University in Alabama, and moved to NYC at the ripe, tender age of 22. After deciding that New York was a stinky shit-hole, I moved back to Alabama to cultivate more professional experience. Why? So I can make millions of dollars and not have to post shit like this on Craigslist.

Anyway, so I landed this job with a marketing firm in San Francisco, and I have no fucking clue where to live. Honestly, I'm moving there in 3 weeks, so I don't give a shit if I have to sleep in your bathtub.

A bit about me: I'm respectful, quiet, clean and I won't bother any of your shit. If you leave shit out, I'm just like, "Oh fuck I better not mess with this shit, because it's not mine." I turn off lights. I clean toilets. Fuck it. I'll even cook for you. That's right! My dad is a chef and taught me everything there is to know about cooking southern cajun cuisine. I'll fry green tomatoes, cover them with marinated crab meat and smother that shit in bearnaise. EVERY. GODDAMN. NIGHT. Don't eat meat? That's fucking FANTASTIC! I'll make a zucchini and yellow squash carpaccio that will knock your fucking socks off.

I also read a lot. I fucking LOVE books. Vonnegut, Palahniuk, Hawthorne. All that shit. I read Tuesdays with Morrie the other day. It's a sad story, but I learned something about life, love, knowledge and the pursuit of something greater than myself. Fucking smart. Do you like movies? I fucking love them. We can watch the shit out of some movies together if you like, or go get drinks, or work out, hike, play video games or play a game of one-on-one basketball, or I don't have to talk to you at all. It's completely UP TO YOU!

Sometimes I play guitar. Are you going to love getting baked and listening to Bob Dylan and Pink Floyd? LIVE? WHENEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT? Of course you are! I'll take requests and learn any song you like, because I have the voice of an angel and the acoustical stylings of James Fucking Taylor. AWWWWWW SHIT YEA!

A lot of people ask me, "Hey, you're from Alabama. Are you racist?" And, the answer to that question is, no. I'm not racist or judgmental at all. I love everyone. I'm a secular humanist. I FUCKING LOVE PEOPLE. That's the only requirement to being a secular humanist actually. You have to like other human beings and want to help them for no other reason than they are human regardless of race, religion or sexual preference. WTF?!!!? Pretty fucking cool right?

I own almost nothing! I'm driving my car from Alabama to California in which I'll be transporting two duffelbags of clothes, one laptop computer, one guitar, one cell-phone with charger, 8 pairs of shoes, one picture frame, probably some condoms and a shitload of beef jerky and Pringles for the trip. Though, you can expect the jerky to be gone upon my arrival. Unless you'd like me to pick up some on my way into the city. See?! I'm the most considerate person you've ever met. I'm offering to buy you shit already!

Am I interested in your pad? You can bet my nomadic ass I am! I only require 4 walls, a ceiling and a floor to shelter me from the elements. Other than that, anything else will be considered a convenient plus. I'm taking being a roommate to the next level. Email me! I'll hook yo ass up with Facebook links, background checks, credit reports, phone numbers, resumes, references, awards, sexual history, pictures of karate trophies and a list of the top 10 women I'd like to bang before I die. If you want a next-generation roommate who consistently blows your fucking mind with awesomeness, then hit me up. I'm ready to give you money.

Earthquake dream

We had an earthquake yesterday.

Well actually Virginia had an earthquake, but the eastern seaboard sits on a single giant tectonic plate apparently, so we felt some of it.

Anyway, my immediate instinct** was to run upstairs to my roof. Is that crazy? I figured if my building collapsed... my chances of survival would be better off riding the building down leaping from concrete slab to concrete slab surfer-style and crushing everyone beneath me rather than trying to run down nine flights of stairs (or risking the elevator) and being crushed from above... of course this all happens in a fantasy world where I'm NOT the most clumsy uncoordinated person alive.

But anyway. My building didn't collapse. I don't think a single building anywhere collapsed. Some pieces fell off the National Cathedral in Washington...I think that's about it.

But anyway. I had an earthquake dream last night. And everything happened almost the same way it happened during the day. I was sitting on my couch retouching pictures when everything started wiggling. At first I thought it was the neighbors having sex or a wiggle party or something. But then I was like...oh my god it's an earthquake. But then I started hearing people laughing and cheering. And so I walked into the hall and opened the door of the neighbor's apartment. And they were having a wiggle party! Like literally there were 60 people in the room, lying down, sitting in chairs, standing...all wiggling in place.

It was weird.

**actually my immediate instinct was to update my facebook status.