50 Things that are worse than breaking your ankle:

If you're new to this blog (and I know about 300 of you per day are) due to the email exchange that occurred a few days ago, I apologize but things around here are generally pretty boring, and these days even more so as I am confined to a bed with a broken ankle.

Hopefully Diana Pigwell will be back to tell us more about Britney Spears (Diana? Are you out there?)...

But either way, thanks for stopping by!



Ahem.

So, as I was saying.

50 Things that are worse than breaking your ankle in freak chest-bumping accident:

1. Becoming blind.
2. Having an eye gouged out.
3. Having an aneurysm.
4. Breaking your back (paralysis).
5. Being stabbed in the stomach and it becoming infected.
6. Amputation.
7. Decapitation.
8. Eating a truck full of live spiders.
9. Catching on fire for more than an hour.
10. Horrible screaming plane crash death.
11. Being poor.
12. Having some kind of brain malfunction that causes you to frown when you are trying to smile.
13. Being trampled in a Wal-Mart stampede by poor people who are just that desperate for holiday savings.
14. Eating your own feces for more than one meal.
15. Eating someone else's feces. Period.
16. Giving birth to a rhinoceros.
17. Being a total and complete douchebag and not realizing it.
18. Terrorism.
19. Bubonic plague.
20. Sarah Palin as President of the United States.
21. Spring Break shark attack on your face/neck/throat.
22. Being buried alive.
23. Being cremated alive. (Kind of the same as #9.)
24. Having acid poured on your face by your lover.
25. Getting hit by a bus on your birthday.
26. Alzheimer's Disease.
27. Being Amish.
28. Losing your hard drive and all your pictures from college.
29. Losing your home and all your favorite dolls in a fire.
30. Losing your home and your favorite friends in a fire.
31. Having no friends.
32. Having lame friends.
33. Having Amish friends.
34. The New 90210
35. Being married to Ann Coulter.
36. Being stupid enough to fall for a Nigerian scam. (Hi Mom!)
37. Canoeing across the Pacific while the Ring of Fire is erupting.
38. Having to communicate in Pig Latin for the rest of your life.
39. Slavery.
40. Having uncontrollable diarrhea in public. All the time.
41. Spending the night parked in your Maserati in Compton.
42. Losing your winning lottery ticket.
43. Going bald...as a woman. (Non-cancer related.)
44. Having an evil, murderous identical twin.
45. Having an ugly fraternal twin who has a lifelong crush on you and always tries to get you drunk and take advantage of you.
46. Being universally regarded as hideous.
47. Being universally retarded AND hideous.
48. Turning 50 the year after you turn 28.
49. Being stapled to a cactus.
50. Pooping out of your mouth. (And eating through your butt.)