Fun with Nightmare Clients!

I would say, for the most part, that I have a dream job.

But OCCASIONALLY I have to deal with an absolute NIGHTMARE CLIENT. This happens maybe once every two years.

So...backstory on this chick.

She's young, probably around 18 or so. Pretty. Exotic looking semi-Indian girl. (Dots, not feathers.) But a total ditz idiot flake.

She emailed me long ago asking if I could shoot "tomorrow". I was like...uh...I need a *little* more notice than that.

We finally did schedule a date. But she showed up totally unprepared. Limited, terrible, clothing options. Hair and makeup a mess. Only able to give three to five different facial expressions, regardless of the direction I gave her...

Because of the fact that in-person she's *kind* of sweet, and most of her idiot flakiness is from her being young and kind of innocent, I said, you know what, don't worry about it. We'll get you a couple of decent shots to work with today so you can at least have something to start submitting with, but go home, get this, this and this, WASH AND COMB YOUR FREAKING HAIR, and bring these other clothing options and we'll reshoot those really quick another day.

So we plan for this other day a few weeks later. I confirm the night before. And she flakes on me. She goes on to flake and reschedule another 5 or 6 times.

The other (another) annoying thing about this girl is that she almost always ONLY communicates by text message.

And then when we finally DO shoot in December, she's an hour late.

Whatever. I'm actually a pretty good actor and I can put aside my (egg)fury and even act fun and playful in order to get the shoot done and still get her giggling and laughing for the shots I need. (Bitching her out right before we take photos wouldn't do anyone any good.) So we do the shoot. It's fine. But then I don't hear back from her until today...almost four months later.

Here is her email:

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On Sun, Mar 31, 2013 at 6:27 PM, Rebecca K wrote:

Hello Dennis!

I never responded with my final choices for the pictures becasue at the shoot when I told you I didn't have the $50 I owed you you said it was okay andd forget about it, and then later told me before you gave me the final copies I had to give you $50. I didn't have $50 at the time. I paid $800 for the shoot for in total which regardless is really expensive for headshot pictures. When I looked around you can get good qualtiy for a lower price than $300 with more than just 4 edited pictures.

I need the finished edited versions of:

1) FT4A2521
2)FT4A2645
3)FT4A2759
4)FT4A2017

I am in LA and I just got a manager, I need to give him pictures asap because the other copies I got from you are not marketable looks for me.

Please understand my situatioon and provide me with these edited pictures as soon as possible with no extra fee because I cannot even use the two extra pictures you gave me. I need my eyes to look a little brighter because I have brown contacts on now. In the future if I need any further pictures from the account I will gladly pay the fee of $35 per edit.

How c an I send you the $50?

With love,
Rebecca K

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This is so infuriating (eggfury-ating) for so many reasons, some of which include:

A. She is insulting my work. AND THEN asking for a favor.
B. She is telling me there is someone who can do as good a job as me for $300? Please. Maybe this is true if she were smart about it. But I am 99% certain she is not smart about it. And also I kind of have a little headshot ego these days, for semi-good reason.
C. She is asking for me to do EXTRA work and to get it done ASAP and FOR FREE.
D. I don't know if you follow this blog regularly, but I kiiiind of had much better things to do than sit around South Street Seaport twiddling my thumbs and waiting for this chick to maybe show up for round 2 of what I already knew was going to be her highly-irritating photo-shoot. And to not hear back from her for months and get this email, hungover, pretty much out of the blue...well...that's not even a complete sentence or thought because I am still so filled with rage I can only manage to type this all out stream-of-consciousness style.

Anyway. I tried to calm down and collect my thoughts so I could get my feelings across while still being a professional. After all, this girl could still go around the interwebs writing me bad google reviews or blasting my pretty-good reputation on message boards. (If she knew how.) (doubtful.)

So this is the semi-restrained response I was able to come up with...

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Hi Rebecca,

Of course headshots are cheaper in LA. $300...I'm not sure. But you came to me knowing what I charged and what I provided. You made that choice.

I retouched those first two pictures for you because at the time you had been perfectly happy with those choices. There are several pictures from that first shoot that would make for amazing headshots and that I wouldn't hesitate to put on my own site to advertise my work (like 5942 or 5999). The fact that nobody likes those shots is not really my fault...again, you made those choices.

I was trying to be flexible and understanding of your situation so I said you could come back and shoot when you had the proper clothes you needed, because you had shown up completely unprepared for your first shoot with very limited clothing options. You then proceeded to reschedule or simply not-show-up several times when we had been planning to shoot.

When you did finally come to your second shoot you were almost an hour late without even apologizing. Being late and/or flaking is generally considered pretty unprofessional behavior... It's a huge waste of time and money for me when I could have been shooting other clients or working on other projects.

You owed me $50 for the original shoot. If I said, "forget about it" because you didn't have it, I meant forget about it for now and just pay me later. What else am I supposed to say? There's not much I can do when clients show up without full payment other than say you don't get your pictures until you're paid in full...

And now you're asking me to do extra work for you ASAP when I haven't heard from you in months and because you chose the wrong pictures the first time around...

I'm sorry if this email is harsh or unpleasant. It is just frustrating when I am trying to do my job and trying to be as flexible and patient as I can when I am being asked to do extra work or make up for someone else's unpreparedness or bad decisions.

Ultimately I want all my clients to be happy with their photos and to get lots of work from them.

My headshot session includes THREE retouches, so I will do THREE retouches for you upon payment of the final $50 from your session.

Did your manager help you make these new choices? Or are you choosing these on your own? Please make sure that these are choices that he/she will be happy with so you don't end up dissatisfied again.

Send me your final three top choices and I will retouch them for the remaining $50. Anything else will be extra.

You can send payment via www.paypal.com to my email address. Or you can give me a credit card number with expiration date, billing zip code, and CVV numbers from the front and back. Or you can go to your nearest Bank of America and give a teller $50 to deposit into account 00xxx-0xxxx under my name with zip code 10002.

Dennis

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UUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's a lose-lose situation really. But I felt a great sense of relief after hitting "send".

There you have it. My dream job at its most frustrating.

It's not sooo bad.

But I just needed to vent.

I'm so grateful for all my non-nightmare clients!

FML

Just in case you thought only good things happen to me.

Last night at 3am I found myself at the NYPD Tow Pound.

Why?

Because I had gone to Conlix's to play poker and there is a newly installed "NO PARKING ANYTIME" sign in a zone that used to be an OK to Park spot after 6pm.

UUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH....

When I parked, I parked among a row of other cars too that had clearly not seen the new sign, so those cars probably got towed as well.

SO aggravating.

HATES a tow pound!

Towing Fee = $185
Parking Ticket = $65
Cabs = $40
Hours wasted = 3

Plus I spent an hour calling 911, then 311, then the 9th Precinct, then the 6th Precinct, then finally the Tow Pound to locate the exact wherabouts of my car.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH



It's ok. More good things are bound to happen now.

STEALING IS WRONG

So in the past week I have had my bike stolen and just now my ATM card and money!

(Yes I am a moron and left the card in the machine and walked away as it beeped for me to come back. BUT STILL...there should not be evil stealers lurking on street corners waiting for foolish giants to commit such idiocies, immediately pouncing on their opportunity.)

Literally I deposited my checks, took my receipt and walked away.

Within 5 minutes Bank of America was calling me telling me about strange activity on my card, meaning that the evil stealer was standing basically right next to me and within seconds of me leaving the card in the machine pressed "YES" on "Do you want another transaction?" and withdrew $400!!!!

I could have just turned around and caught him!

Sigh.....

Stealing makes for Sad Danny.



I don't normally wish horrible screaming deaths upon people...but ALL EVIL STEALERS SHOULD PLEASE DIE.

Dear Lord Jesus hear my prayer.

F- you, Dr. Lu.

So I went to the dentist yesterday, which I generally don't dread like most people.

Last month when I went, Dr. Peter Lu found a small cavity...my first in ten years. So I had an appointment set to have it taken care of.

Yesterday we took care of it with a filling.

Because it was kind of a shallow cavity, he opted not to use Novocaine, promising if it hurt and I could feel the drill, we could stop and he would give me two Novocaine injections. Me no likey injections, so that sounded good to me.

Filling went well. It was done in about 10 minutes.

"Alright, I think we're all set!" he said.

And then...he removed the drill from my mouth.

AND DROPPED IT ON MY FACE.

It was so shocking and painful I jolted up, eyes wide, and screamed bloody murder.

Instantly I started gushing blood. It was a small puncture wound, but it was pretty deep.

"Oops! Just a small cut..." is all he said as he proceeded to apply heavy pressure and gauze to my lip.

It didn't stop bleeding for 15 minutes.



And now, forever, I will dread going to the dentist.

The over-hyped, over-priced suckfest.

There was so much potential.

EVERYBODY came. NOBODY got in.

Everyone waited in line at least an hour. Kristy & Barry ended up having to slip the hobag at the door $100 to get 5 people in. Pete and the other McMaster people did the same.

I was inundated with angry text messages and phone calls for much of the night.

Total shitshow.

When everyone did finally get in after either bribing the doorperson or after Naia finally went down to escort them in they were angry, upset, and not really in party mode. Drinks were expensive. Kristy bought 5 drinks. $90.

Grrrrrr...

My night from hell.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKITTY FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKERTON FUCK

We went to a nice dinner. Me, Katie, Meghan, Evan. Waited a good 35 minutes to be seated for a reservation we showed up on time for.

Got a tip from Christian that Victoria is having a party. We go there. And of course it is a private dinner party. Feel very awkward. Wonderful hostess Victoria welcomes us . We chat and exchange pleasantries. Minutes later we realize that it is actually a BIRTHDAY dinner party. Worse, it is VICTORIA's birthday party. We realize this as they start singing and bring out a birthday cake. We have been greeted and welcomed and have failed to wish our hostess a happy birthday. Awkwardness increases exponentially. Throw in a little post-hookup/oops-my-ex-boyfriend-is-standing-at-my-side tension between two friends and I can now officially welcome you to the most uncomfortable moment of my entire life.

Felt horrible. Apologized to Victoria. Left the party. I suck.

Drive to Bar Marmont to meet up with Naia. Find a moderately sweet parking space a few blocks away. Wait in line for half an hour. Naia finally comes and gets us in.

Bar is ok, kind of small. And sweaty.

Have a drink. Leave around 1.

Walk back to the car.

It has been towed.

TOWED.

Hollywood Fucking Department of Transportation says no parking after midnight on Sunset. FUCK FUCKKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK

Take a cab to Hollywood tow. Retrieve my car. Damage is $177.

Little dude in a golf cart drives me to my car. Get in. There's a fucking parking ticket on my windshield. 45 fucking dollars.

I can't deal with this right now. Excuse me. Hi. Yeah. I'm UNEMPLOYED.

I wish I could tell you I drove straight from there into a brick wall and died a horrible screaming death. But alas I am not suicidal. Yet.

It has been a fucking shitty-ass week. Understatement of the century.

My karma must be so very bad right now. I think I should go adopt a one-armed orphan or something. I am actually fearing for my life. This might possibly be the week that I die. Airplane debris is just going to fall from the sky and impale me from skull to sternum.

Hold me.

A new beginning.

I got fired today.

Yes. It is true.

F-f-f-f-fired.

It was an unfortunate blogging incident.

Packed up my things and left.

Cried a little bit in my car like a girl.

It happened in the span of two hours.

The old blog has been shut down. Here begins a new one.

Very very sad. For legal reasons I probably shouldn't explain. But it's done.

I am unemployed.

I have very mixed feelings about it all. It's kind of my fault. And I understand why I had to be fired. Kind of. I AM glad to have free time again. Finally. It wasn't a hostile firing. It was just what needed to be done. We parted with hugs.

So I guess I'm going to read. Watch movies. Learn about photography. Work out. Play tennis.

Spent the afternoon on the beach with KG. Very glad to see him and Heidi. I wasn't originally going to get to see KG on his supershort visit, since he was only in town for one day. But I guess everything happens for a reason. And that worked out. So yay.

And the funniest part is, my boss called me about four hours post-firing while I was eating a delicious fried lunch on the beach and said, "Uh...I don't know how to burn DVDs..." And I had to talk him through it on the phone.

Everything happens for a reason.

(deep breath)