@ Prosperity Dumpling

Engrish fills me with such joy.



This is what blows my mind:

A. The fact that it is not a typo, someone took the time to write this with a marker.

B. And that they didn't know the word for, or how to spell, "S-P-O-O-N"...and so they just wrote "FROKS" and crossed it out.

Asian name sighting...

On Asian Names and People #2

Several years ago while I was in HK, I wrote a blog post about Asian Names and People and how they are usually ridiculous looking with little rhyme or reason to how they choose their names.

So, I was just browsing around and somehow wound up back on Friendster (where the Asians live)...and ended up prowling around for a new batch of sillies.

Though these may never live up to the hilarity of the original bunch, here's what I found:

Alas.

"We tried to get her to choose a different name...like 'Alice'...but alas..."



Alberg.

Albert...Alberg...same difference.



Constant.

Uhhh... were you trying for Constance?



Meow.

Stupid face. Stupid name. Cat-like licking expression. Seems about right...



Queenie.

"Hi! I'm QUEENIE! Beakbird knows all your secrets."



CmHoLmOeE

"Pleases to meet you! My neme is CMHoLmOeE!!!! Haha! Yesss is a mouthful!"



Choihead.

"Choi" means vegetables. And "Head" means...well...head.

So "Choihead" means Vegetables Head. Which, of course, makes perfect sense...



Money.

She's a gold-digger. And not at all subtle about it.



DoLpHiN LoVeR

Ummm....try again.



Invisibelle.

"oh the name that does ring of beauty...I will murder you in your sleep."



Leopiccolo.

"Smile honey! You are in Piza!"

"Yes...but I am named Leopiccolo."

"Yes son. After the great Leopiccolo Da Vinci!"

"God I am so hungry."



Melee.

It's nice sounding, sure...but I will bet you twenty-six American dollars that she has no idea that her name is pretty much the EXACT OPPOSITE of something cute and fluffy...



Secret.

"Hi! What is your name?"

(quiet Asian whisper) "Isss Seeeecret..."



Mosquito! (on left)

Yes!!!! Can you believe I found another person named Mosquito (see On Asian Names and People #1) ?!?!



Fervor.

He wanted an English name that conveyed great warmth and intensity of emotion. Literally.



Ka-Ching

"OOOOH. You should meet my friend Money! Hahaha! KA-CHING!!!! ...Oh wait, no, you are a child molester..."



Flowerelle

"Name so pretty... Flower so pretty... Face so GAHHHHHH!H!H!!H!H!H I'M BLIND!!!!!"



Creapy.

Nail on the head.



Zing.

"It is my birthday! So I will hold a sign to the camera! Wishing a birthday to you...even though the birthday is.....uhhhh mine....uhhh...my face is stupid...ZING!!!!!"



Damn...I still think Asian Names and People #1 was better...

Japanese Lady Produces Unique Camouflage

Aya Tsukioka, a Japanese experimental fashion designer, has developed a line of completely whack camouflage for crime-worried citizens. The designs include soda and vending machines, fire extinguisher bookbags for kids, and even a purse that resembles a manhole (you know...so if you're being chased by some mugger you can just throw it into the street and not get your stuff stolen...just run over).

I have no freaking idea who in the hell Ms. Tsukioka thinks she's kidding -- I can't imagine anyone but the blind falling for these things. And me. On a recent trip to Japan I spent over twenty minutes trying to figure out how the hell to use the Coke machine. Turns out it was a freaking woman! (She stole my money.)

Why I love the Asians...

On Asian Names and People:

It's 7:30 am. I am jetlagged. The city is sleeping.

So I did what any normal person would do, I signed onto friendster for a marathon profile browsing session.

People in Hong Kong (more-so than other Asian people, I think) (but maybe not) name their kids/themselves the weirdest, most unforgiving names. And also they're weird looking.

From what I understand, everyone has to learn English in elementary school. Those who haven't been provided with an English name by their parents are allowed to choose their own. Often, the "names" come from textbooks, pop culture, street signs, fruits, candies, etc. Often, totally outdated names like "Ignatius" or "Bernard" are chosen. Often, totally normal names are butchered beyond recognition. Or maybe they just throw some cookware down a flight of stairs and see what random sounds come out of it. And the teachers, like "Veronique Wong" and "Maybelline Mao", just don't know any better.

Thank god their peers don't know any better either, lest they suffer severe beatings and clowning their entire life.

So....here we go:

Bunnel.

Like the...cake...?



Celix.

(I think Felix was already taken.)



Certain.

As in "I'm fairly certain that isn't really a name..."



Creamy.

I hope that's the dog's name...

Actually, wait. No. That might be even worse.



Cherry.

Not as bad as Apple, I suppose...



Nocturne.

It sounds kind of creepy and child-molest-y...it's perfect!



Haemoglobin.

Add an "a" and POOF! It's a name!



Heimerich.

(He must be part German.)



Mosquito!

"Nice to meet you...Mosqui--OH MY GOD WOMAN YOU'RE HIDEOUS!!!"



Chocolette.

"Oh! That's so pretty!!!"



Fiance.

Uh huh, right...good luck with that...



Jabbie.

Ok...but only because you're kind of cute...



Lopez.

It's kind of a name...maybe not a first name...



May-ball.

Why stop at May?



Nestle.

"Oh! You should meet my friend Chocolette!"



Meavus.

Kind of like a cross between Mavis and...Beavus...?



And last but not least...



MeGOAOA.

(She thought using funky capitalization would help people remember her better...)