LA / Matt's Tranny Past

I left NYC ass-early on Wednesday morning. Never have I ever been so thrilled to be leaving the city for warmer climates. We took off just as the sun was rising and I haven't looked back.

Upon landing I went over to Matt & Kelli's to meet their new little baby. She was sleeping so I didn't get to take any pictures. And Matt & Kelli were busy in some health insurance customer service battle which left me some time to snoop through some old photo albums and OMG am I glad I did!!!

Looking through I found some vintage pictures of Matt... in women's clothing!!!!

W.T.F??!??!?!?!?!??!

Seriously. I was like "MATT WTF IS THIS?!?!?!?"

Turns out in 2004 when they did the poster art for the movie White Chicks, the Wayans brothers were too lazy to dress up in drag themselves for the photoshoot, so their heads were just photoshopped onto some supermodel bodies.

Amaaaazing.

In the evening I met up with David Alan and Rebecca and we hit up SoHo House for a special (terrible) movie screening.

The SoHo House WeHo screening room is EPIC. (I did not take this picture. It's directly from their website.)

The movie starred Vanessa from Gossip Girl. She is the most annoying character on that show. And she was annoying in this.

Girlfriend is cute but CANNOT act.

It feels really awful walking out of a movie screening when the film's director was sitting directly behind us. But it had to be done.

Since SoHo House doesn't allow pictures, EXCEPT in the Photobooth, we did lots of Photobooth.

Oooh and we had a celeb sighting. Getting out of the photobooth as we were getting into it was Anna Faris!

Love her!!!!

Yay old photo albums...

So I'm hanging out at my dad's house scanning in old photos from our old photo albums.

It is fun to look back and re-live your childhood once in a while. Awkward as it may have been.

I started out as a pretty cute kid.






I would even venture to say super-ridiculous cute.

Like I think I should have been a little Gap kid or something.





Also my dad was once hot-ish. Go figure.



And this whole time while I'm off being this adorable photogenic little toddler, Sandra was a total chubbo...



Of course, the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh...

..................

We moved to RI in the fall of '87. (Around this time I apparently busted out my very first GayPose as well...)



And I was able to enjoy a year or two more of cute skinny goodness...



...but before long, my teeth disappeared and my eyes failed me.



And from there it went downhill real fast.



Sandra used to gloat like a little b*tch, knowing that her chubbo years were over and that she had just been professionally anorexified, while I was about to endure a decade or more of awful, incomprehensible awkwardness.



I know everyone from Denise Richards to Mahatma Gandhi claims to have gone through "an awkward phase" at some point in their lives, but I 98.8% promise you that your awkward phase was nothing like this.





(P.S., I'm not making faces in these pictures. I really just looked like this.)






God. So awful.

Looking back... it's kind of funny.

But gosh it was cruel.

To take the most beautiful little toddler...and rip out his teeth? AND THEN slap enormous tiger-rimmed glasses on him? AND THEN give him a bowl-cut? AND THEN grow him taller and more chubbo than everyone else so that family, friends, and total strangers could proceed to point and laugh at him for next decade and into the rest of eternity?

Soooo unnecessary.

If you want the more extensive album, I uploaded it here:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2108289&l=1352e&id=1001693

Enjoy, you bastards.