Rockstars: Night the Second

So our little posse from night one literally doubled overnight.



Night two saw the addition of fellow Deerfield-alum Clarence who is one of those kids that is a total dick (he likes golf...and teenage girls), but is kind of awesome.



We bar hopped around the Lan Kwai Fong area, hitting up about 7 or 8 different bars and quickly adding new members to our group as we went.

Bar hopping really isn't the best idea because the area is hilly and bars and streets are spread out over hundreds of staircases that I'm sure many a drunk person has plummeted to their death from.




At one vodka bar, which was in a giant "freezer" (really just an extremely air conditioned room with plastic walls made to look like ice), they provided us with coats to keep warm:



There we met some cute guys who followed us around for the rest of the night.




We did some dancing...



Tim did more splurging...



And I bonded with this babe named Roxanne.



I will miss Hong Kong.

OH THE FURY...

I AM EXTREMELY ANGRY AT BLOGGER RIGHT NOW FOR EATING MY LAST TWO POSTS.

To make a long and extremely fun story short, I found out that TimLoh (who I love just slightly more than life)(and meatballs), was in HK on business.

We met up in Lan Kwai Fong, where the white people and non-ugly Asians hang out and it's like New Year's Eve every night of the week.



As a pair being exponentially taller (me) and more beautiful (TimLoh) than anyone else in this city, we attracted quite a bit of attention. In fact, we had groupies.

Totally random women came up to us asking us to take pictures with them. One of them made me hold her leg. One of them had amazingly jacked-up teeth. One of them set Tim's hat on fire.





We also met some girls who asked us to come with them to Dragon-I, one of the new clubs in HK. They were on the list. We didn't have to wait in the 1000-person line. Sweetness.



So what's better than great company, great dancing, and a roomful of Asian celebrities?

TimLoh's penchant for bottle service.



I'm not sure how clubs/people justify charging/spending $3000HK for a bottle of vodka but god bless the world of finance jobs.



It was a fantastic night and I got home at 5 am and actually wrote a really fun semi-coherent entry all about it. But alas, it has been erased.

DAMN YOU BLOGGER!!!!

hello?

blogger is retarded and i think it ate my blog

That shit was bananas...

Today we went to Shenzhen, China. Shopping capital of the world. Already I have spent almost all of my New Year's money. It's really quite scary.

I need to go home now before it's too late.

Also, I have an eating problem.

We went to Genki Sushi for lunch, home of the best conveyor belt sushi ever. And I am checking myself into a fat farm when I get home.



We spent the afternoon in Shenzhen. Shopping. Eating. Shopping. Bought lots of cool souvenirs. Mom got a one-hour foot massage from a blind man for $2 (totally disgusting / I would eat my own ears before becoming a foot masseuse). We left around 5pm, hoping to make it back by dinner.

The trip back to Hong Kong, however, took about four hours. Three of those four hours were spent waiting in line to cross the border. It was crazily crowded. INSANELY crowded. Hundreds of thousands of greasy unwashed Chinese people. More than a couple I'm sure were carrying the chicken flu.







I need to take a shower. I smell like a tofu.

Brokeback Mountain might not be suitable for grandparents...

Karaoke is fun when you're with friends, in a bar, drinking heavily.

Karaoke is not as fun when you're sitting on the couch with your grandma watching overweight uncomely Asian people butcher classics like "Rose, Rose, I Love You", "The Moon Is Sings Over Kowloon Bay", and "Ni Hao, My Baby".

We had to sit through three and a half hours of this absolute turdfest of a Chinese New Year Karaoke Marathon (kind of like American Idol but with horrendous middle-aged people allowed to perform on the stage in front of the giant clapping elderly audience) before my grandma handed over the TV so that we could have a family viewing of Brokeback Mountain (my 3rd time). In case you're out of the loop, it's been nominated for 8 Academy Awards.

And yes. It is true. I am already in possession of the bootleg DVD!



We tried to convince my grandma that it "wouldn't be for her". She said ok, and went in the other room to watch her Chinese soap operas. Then, of course, curiousity got the best of her and she slowly shuffled her way back into the room about half an hour into the movie, just seconds before that fateful first "love" scene.

Heath Ledger is asleep on the ground, shivering under a tiny blanket, and she goes, "AI YAH....DEENG GUY KUY FUN HAI DAY HAAA GA??? (why is he sleeping on the floor???) YONG GUM BOK GOU PEI!!! (And with such a light blanket!!!) WOO ZOU TONG MAI GUM DUO CONG...(It's dirty and so many insects...)

Then Jake persuades Heath to join him in the tent and she's like, "ahhh. GUM ZHOU ZHANG DI LE (That's smarter.) LUI BEEN MO GUM DONG (It's warmer in the tent.) FUN HAI TSUT BEEN CHEE SEEN (Crazy for sleeping outside in the cold...)"

Mom and I cringed as we knew what was about to happen.

Let's just say it kind of caught my grandma by surprise.

She was in the middle of some inane comment and then she just stopped, her jaw dropped, and for the next hour or so she looked like she was riding a rollercoaster.

We kept checking on her to make sure she wasn't dead.



Fun times.

Scenes from the Palace

The Chinese New Year mayhem has passed and we have settled back into the daily Hong Kong routine.

Mom has been working out daily. She does tai-chi on her bed when she wakes up and then goes downstairs to the gym and does strange exercises which involve leg lifts and pelvic thrusts. I'm tempted to join her. She claims she's lost one pound. Go Mom.



We went for to the supermarket to get bread and oranges for breakfast. I have been eating lots of oranges. Oranges are yummy. I have a cool way of peeling them now and it is very very exciting.

For lunch I ate a porkchop and subsequently felt very bad about myself.

Then, at dinner, fate handed me another porkchop.

(My grandma, after noticing that for a couple days I haven't been eating any of the fishes or abalones or chicken feets or weird fungal creations that the maids have been making, decided to take it upon herself to go to the market and buy some porkchops.)

Breaded, fried, and served on a bed of homemade french fries.

Oh my god. I am such a porkchop.

I went and did lunges around the pool.

The rest of the evening was uneventful. There were some fireworks over Hong Kong harbor that we watched from the balcony:





My grandma watched some soap operas:



Uncle Steve practiced his salsa stretching exercises and danced around the living room:



And I played with Mercy and Jo who I want to take home with me because they cook and clean and even iron my t-shirts and underwear.





If you look closely, Mercy's apron reads (and these are not typos):

"Welcome to the North Pole!"
"White bear wants to know everything about you!"
"Welcance with me!"
"I hope you'll always be"
"White Bear & Black Penguin be a friedy in the world."
"Sunshin allways make me joy!"

You gotta love Asia.

On Asian Names and People:

It's 7:30 am. I am jetlagged. The city is sleeping.

So I did what any normal person would do, I signed onto friendster for a marathon profile browsing session.

People in Hong Kong (more-so than other Asian people, I think) (but maybe not) name their kids/themselves the weirdest, most unforgiving names. And also they're weird looking.

From what I understand, everyone has to learn English in elementary school. Those who haven't been provided with an English name by their parents are allowed to choose their own. Often, the "names" come from textbooks, pop culture, street signs, fruits, candies, etc. Often, totally outdated names like "Ignatius" or "Bernard" are chosen. Often, totally normal names are butchered beyond recognition. Or maybe they just throw some cookware down a flight of stairs and see what random sounds come out of it. And the teachers, like "Veronique Wong" and "Maybelline Mao", just don't know any better.

Thank god their peers don't know any better either, lest they suffer severe beatings and clowning their entire life.

So....here we go:

Bunnel.

Like the...cake...?



Celix.

(I think Felix was already taken.)



Certain.

As in "I'm fairly certain that isn't really a name..."



Creamy.

I hope that's the dog's name...

Actually, wait. No. That might be even worse.



Cherry.

Not as bad as Apple, I suppose...



Nocturne.

It sounds kind of creepy and child-molest-y...it's perfect!



Haemoglobin.

Add an "a" and POOF! It's a name!



Heimerich.

(He must be part German.)



Mosquito!

"Nice to meet you...Mosqui--OH MY GOD WOMAN YOU'RE HIDEOUS!!!"



Chocolette.

"Oh! That's so pretty!!!"



Fiance.

Uh huh, right...good luck with that...



Jabbie.

Ok...but only because you're kind of cute...



Lopez.

It's kind of a name...maybe not a first name...



May-ball.

Why stop at May?



Nestle.

"Oh! You should meet my friend Chocolette!"



Meavus.

Kind of like a cross between Mavis and...Beavus...?



And last but not least...



MeGOAOA.

(She thought using funky capitalization would help people remember her better...)

The Year of the Dawg

Gung Hay Fat Choy!!!

It's Chinese New Year!!!





Today we stayed at home and received visitors all day.

Because my grandma is the matriarch of the family, all the family members and extended family members and old friends and staff came to pay their respect.



It's an all day semi-feast ("semi" because the food is not that great). Basically as guests arrive, they set the table and serve a meal of assorted cakes, puddings, crackers, and things. Everyone eats and drinks tea and catches up. Then the guests leave. The table gets cleared. Everything gets washed. More guests arrive. The maids frantically cook and clean. The table gets re-set. New food (the exact same meal we just ate previously) is served. And we all sit down again to eat with the new guests. This goes on all day and at the end of the day we've gone through the whole cycle about twelve times.









What makes it all worthwhile?

Little red packets of lai-see.



All containing $$$.

Each adult visitor brings a packet or two for each "child" for good luck.

Also, there is a dragon dance.



Interesting fact: Dragons eat oranges and lettuce. And money.

By the end of the day, everyone is exhausted and sick of turnip cakes and old, talkative people who just don't know when to LEAVE.





But then we remember that we have our wonderful little red packets of joy and FINALLY we get to see what's inside.





Chinese New Year. Is awesome.