Golden Birthday!

28 on the 28th.

And I'm sporting the zit the size of Connecticut.

Dealing with the facemonster.

Those of you who have seen me over the past few days have probably seen me like this:



I've taken to wearing the nose-mask (above) because it's better than walking around sporting the giant facemonster.

See, if you just walk around with the facemonster exposed you're telling the world "hello i have a mostrous zit that i may or may not know about" and people stare and wonder if you even know what's on your face and if you're just too poor to take care of it...

If you sport the mini-mask, however, you are saying "Yes. I have a nose zit. And yes, I am aware of the situation and it is being dealt with."

DK Logic 101.

I offer full courses for a bargain basement price of $5,000/week.

I'm ugly.

So a couple SARS-tastic weeks ago when I was lying on the couch dying from my hacking dry cough, I happened to catch an episode of Rachael Ray's talk show (yes, she has one) featuring a very handsome man named Simon who was CEO of this company called Ugly Models.

They are an agency in NYC that specializes representing "unique-looking" talent and models for photo shoots, commercials, etc etc.

Uglies, obeses, tatoo-eys, and of course, talls.

(They also have a few token hotties. But very few.)

Through the power of internet-smartness and deductive reasoning, I figured out Simon's email and sent him this picture.

Within minutes I had a response from Simon and a request to come in for a meeting next time I'm in New York.

............

So I went over to their Midtown offices and met with Simon and the rest of the Ugly staff.




The day was 2/8/08. A very lucky number in terms of Chinese numerology.

28 = easy money.

They signed me on the spot.



I was even sporting my sweet nose zit (which now is worse than ever).

They didn't care.



Actually that picture isn't that bad. Here's another.



I must once again sing my praises for the wonder of Photoshop.

I'm a model!

(For those new readers who don't know me, I'm 6'7".)

Nose Zits #'s 2, 3, and 4

They decided to all come in at the same time this time.

I don't know if you remember the last nose-zit I had...but it was AWESOME.

These ones are not as bad. But there are three, so my entire nose looks like a bulb.



Thank the lord for Photoshop.

Matt gets a zit...and a billboard.

So, I dropped Matt off at the airport yesterday because he's flying to New York to meet with Hugo Boss as one of their top choices for the face of their new fragrance. It's a huge deal because apparently fragrance campaigns can be worth hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Unhappily, he has a zit.

A big one.

"One of the top three biggest zits of his life."



Poor poor model boy.



In other news, his Newcastle billboard is up at Sunset and Highland!



It's totally lame-looking.

I mean why bother hiring someone so hot if you're going to make them look so stupid?

Ye Olde Giant Nose Zit

It is really awesome.

My first nose-zit ever.

And it is enormous and takes over my entire face.

I must only touch within a 3 inch radius and pains dart through my entire head.

Nose zit. You are my friend.

I suck at flirting...

So I went to this bar/restaurant to meet up with Natalie...

Stopped at the bar to grab a drink.

This hottie turns and starts talking to me...

Blonde. 6'2". Really really good-looking. Works for a hedge-fund.

Touches my arm a lot. Asks lots of questions.

I felt kind of awkward. (Also I have a huge zit on my nose, first nose-zit EVER (I'm actually kind of excited about it.))

Lots of eye contact.

More arm touching. Smiling. Eye contact. Arm touching.

Finally I excuse myself to go back to see Natalie and Co.

We swap numbers...

And then I tell her I'm gay.