We checked into our room at the Renaissance, a gorgeous resort hotel.
And we spent a good hour or two dancing around our hotel room and being really really gay.
Then we stopped at a Jewish deli for giant sandwiches.
And then it was on to the pretty little house Diana and her ladyfriends had rented for the weekend for a little preparty.
Originally our entrance was supposed to be a surprise...but some awful secret-keeper failed to keep it a secret.
Diana love love LOVES the gays, as you can probably tell from her frequent appearances when we go gay dancing. So the theme for the night was RAINBOW.
Our preparty was super fun. We decorated the bride-to-be in the usual phallic accoutrements.
And we stood around and played several rounds of Never Have I Ever "It's gotta be SEXUAL!!!" edition as we eagerly awaited the arrival of some "special guests".
Finally our guests, the strippers, arrived.
We had ordered them from www.palmspringsstrippers.com and hand-picked "Drew" and "Travis" to appear.
But upon arrival, it was VERY clear that neither of our visitors were Drew or Travis.
And one of the strippers was SO FAT and REFUSED to take off his shirt, saying "I'm so out of shape." To which we responded, "Then WHY are you HERE?!?!?" It was ridiculous that he had the audacity to even show up AND that he expected to be paid. It made for a funny story though.
In fact...a couple weeks before, I had been ichatting with Jesse and we had said:
me: wouldn't it be HILARIOUS
if he was hideous
6:26 PM
and he tries to dance on everyone
and each person who he goes up to is like ewww! ewww! get away!!!
Jesse: and we all SHRIEK!!!
me: HAHHAHAHHAHA
Jesse: lol
omg!
me: like he's a cockraoach!!!
me: hahahahahhaa
Jesse: lol
omg
dennis!
And that's pretty much EXACTLY what happened.
Obviously these pictures are going to be froggified.
But you can kind of get idea of what went down.
SO we had one FAT STRIPPER. And then the other stripper was a HOMOPHOBE. He refused to make eye contact with any of the boys. After about half an hour we asked them to leave. Never in my life would I ever have thought I'd be asking a stripper to LEAVE!
.............
From there we cabbed it to Hunter's. A fun dancey bar.
I was gesturing wildly and accidentally poked Jesse right in the eyeball. Literally I felt it squish. It was so gross. That's why he's squinting in this group picture.
We loves a rainbow storm!
There were so many girls and names to remember that we came up with the funniest nicknames for everyone. Sunshine...Azul....Coral....Macy...Katinka....Jeeem...
Late arrivals Danny and Steven were a welcome addition as always.
All us boys wore capes by the way. And EVERYONE was SO JEALOUS.
And then came the RAINBOW STORM!
It followed Lady Di everywhere she went.
So amazing.
And Will channeled Erykah Badu.
"I LOVE GAYS!!!!!!!!"
We just danced and danced and danced and acted SILLY.
It was SO FUN.
---------------------------------
Some other hilarious quotes of the night.
"I'm actually a really successful realtor. I've love to come back when I'm in shape and show you what I can do." -The Fat Stripper
"Yeah right...BUH-BYE!!!!" -Jesse
"I only want to sleep under a rainbow!"
"I'm really nice....TO YOUR FACE." -what Smileyjohn's tagline would be if we were in a reality show
"We don't NEED to be the center of attention...we just ARE!" -what Jesse's would be
"Rainbow storm!!!!! Rainbow storm!!!!"
"D-I-N. DIANA!" (cheered to the tune of Madonna's "Gimme All Your Luvin")
"SmileyJohn, you're SO smart but then you say something totally stupid like that Coral is a shade of blue... give us back your Ph.D!"
"Wait....you have other gays?!?!?!" (to Diana when we found out other gays were attending)
"Oh they're from work? That's ok. Every workday needs a work gay!"
"We LOVES Lulu!!!" (30 minutes later) "We HATE Lulu!!!!"
At brunch the next day we sat separately from the girls because we weren't sure if maybe they had overloaded on Gay and if Diana suddenly woke up and realized that she HATES gays.
But no...she still loves us.
Happy Bachelorette Lady Di!
