I am in hell. | Day 8

Today was my worst day so far.

I had pain all day and trouble swallowing all day. And I've been bleeding off and on.

I knew it was going to get bad. I know I'm already SO lucky for not having been in extreme pain the whole time and not vomiting blood and not being able to swallow anything. I know I know. I was freaking out before surgery because I knew what I was getting into.

Still, I secretly hoped I would be that special person who sailed  through this stupid tonsil recovery thing like it wasn't no thang.

I'm terrified of going to sleep because for the last 30 hours anytime I fall asleep for more than half an hour my throat dries out and I wake up bleeding and having to gargle cold water for 20 mins or so to make it stop.

I honestly haven't slept for more than two hours straight since my operation last Wednesday. 

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I've been emailing with my doc. She says a little bleeding is normal. But if I start bleeding massively to call her and/or call 911. I don't think it'll get that bad. I also might go in just to see her during office hours tomorrow just for peace of mind.

Also. Confession. I hear people lose 15-20 lbs while recovering from tonsillectomy because of this soft-food only diet. But yesterday I liquefied a meatball in a blender and mashed it up with some mashed potatoes and ate it... and it was DELICIOUS. I've probably lost like 2 lbs.

So basically this has been awful and I'm still obese.

Yay.

It's not that bad. I know I'm going to be fine. I'm just so sick of recovery and not eating real food and not leaving my freezing apartment and being terrified of sleeping and talking like a quiet little mouse.

Oh and being super constipated from pain meds.

TMI? Sorry.

I'm going to work on a blog post about something fun and fabulous so that I can feel better about my life.

Be right back!

Tonsils Day 6

I just coughed up my first semi-bloody mucus scab-ball and I've never been so happy in all my life. It was monstrous. Like the size of a golfball. Recovery!!!! The end is near!!!!!!

Tonsils: The Dreaded Day 5

Today is the first time I've felt it. True pain.

The last few days have kind of been a breeze. My throat was sore.

Today I woke up and actually felt pain. Stabbing throbbing pain that went down under my tongue, through my lower jaw into the back of my throat and head and into my ears.

Thank god for the internet so I knew to expect this.

I've been spending my days on sites like www.tonsillectomyrecovery.com which are such an amazing resource because they pool the collective experiences of everyone who has gone through this (and felt the need to post). I recognize now though that those who are vocal about it are the ones having the most awful experiences with recovery.

Late last night I think I felt my first scab. You know what it's like to have a scab peel off right? Well imagine one in the back of your throat. Now imagine several in your throat. Now imagine they just kind of hang there and you can feel them every time you swallow and they might kind of rip off slightly (causing you some pain) but for the most part stay there and you have to just wait for them to fall off naturally over the course of a few days because they are helping you heal.

Yup it is the worst.

I took my meds and over the course of typing this out my pain has subsided a little. Thank god.

I found this on the internet. This is not a picture of my own mouth. But it's basically what my mouth/throat looks like. (I have much prettier teeth, of course.)

Tonsils Day 4 Night

Most of the day went ok. It is noticeably harder and more painful to swallow today.

My friend Brian came over to visit and after 10 minutes I just wanted him to leave because talking was too painful and exhausting.

I took a tiny bit of a nap this evening and when I woke up it felt like someone had stuck a dagger under my tongue and pushed. It feels like that right now.

I'm not due for pain meds for another 2 hours. This must be what everyone talks about when they say Day 5 is the worst.

I'm glad I was somewhat prepared for it otherwise this would be totally freaking me out.

Eeeeeeeeeeeek...

In other news, Jihan sent me some beautiful balloons today and it was the highlight of my day. Thank you Jihan!!! 

Excuse me, I'm going to go try not to die now.

Tonsils Day 4

I guess this is the beginning of Day 4.

My throat is starting to hurt more. Up until now it has only felt sore. Today for the first time I swallowed and it felt a little like razor blades. I've been expecting this. And I think it will probably get worse. There's a ton of mucus/scabbing at the back of my throat that I can't cough out and can't swallow. It just kind of sits there. And everytime I swallow water I feel it kind of shifting around, occassionally it makes me gag a little. It is so gross. It also makes it hard to sleep. Not that I've really been sleeping at all.

Last night/yesterday I took a couple of half-hour naps.

I'm starting to run low on my tylenol/codeine mix which worries me a little, but I haven't had to resort to my super pain med hydrocodone yet.

Also there's a constant bitter nasty-tasting film on my tongue that won't go away and I taste it all day and especially anytime I swallow.

Still staying hydrated, still on top of the pain meds, still trying to eat a bit everytime I have to medicate.

Am actually getting a bit of work done, reorganizing my hard drive and stuff. Wheeee.

Tonsils: Day Three, Morning

Well...it happened.

Exhaustion took over. After 48 hours of being awake or waking up after a 40-minute nap, I finally just passed out and slept through one of my alarms sometime between around 7am to 10am. I think I was only out for about 2 hours, but the second I woke up, I was in much greater pain than ever before...my throat had dried out.

Luckily...I think I caught it just barely in time. It was right before my next scheduled pain medicine intake. I immediately drank several gulps of water to re-moisten my throat. Ate a mouthful of mashed potatoes. And drank my medicine. Now I'm just trying to rehydrate constantly.

I've heard Day 3 and 5 are both tough ones. Will probably update again later today. Will see how it goes...shudder...

Tonsils: Day Two

Day Two of my tonsil recovery was similar to Day One.

Again it was mostly just soreness. I was sticking to my schedule of not allowing myself to sleep more than an hour straight and keeping myself medicated and hydrated. (I read several times online that allowing yourself to sleep for an extended period of time would dry out your tonsils which would lead to EXTREME PAIN.)

I was surprised I was able to eat quite a bit of "food". I had some scrambled eggs, some mashed potatoes, some chicken noodle soup. I had also ordered $80 of baby food last night to be next-day delivered off Amazon.com (I blame the meds and lack of sleep).

The second I had my first "sip" I deeply regretted my decision. It was revolting.

Thank god I know a couple babies I can hand this off to...

Near the end of the day I started to feel mucus in the back of my throat...just hanging there.

The annoying thing is there's not much I can do about it. It's too painful/impossible to cough it up. And it's part of the scabbing/healing...so I have to just let it sit there and wait it out...for the next several days. Ughhh...

I've heard from everywhere that even when things start out great, they get worse...and Day 5 of recovery is supposed to be torture.

We shall see... I'm bracing myself for the worst but hoping for the best. 

Tonsils Day One:

I went to the hospital at 6am. Went into the operating room at 7:30am.

Was out of surgery around 9am. Sat in the recovery room for a bit with a sore throat. It didn't feel all that awful. Just a little loopy. Must've been the drugs.

Left the hospital around noon.

I hear the next few days is when it starts to get worse and worse as the meds wear off and the burn sites (they burn out the tonsils) start to heal. Bracing myself for the worst but hoping for the best.

I've been sitting up at home doing a little bit of work and just watching TV. Sipping iced water. And eating a little jello and applesauce.

I've heard lots of horror stories. This is supposedly one of the most painful recoveries ever. Some say it's worse than childbirth. Some say Day 5 is when you descend into misery. Hoping I'm one of those rare cases where it's not so bad. Trying to stay on top my med schedule to keep the pain away. I created this little chart to track my food and medicine intake and have set up a bunch of timers to keep me on track.

Hope hope hope this recovery isn't so awful. OK I'm going to focus on trying to watch TV.

Byebye. I love you.

Tonsil Surgery

EEEEEK!!!!

I'm on my way to the hospital for a tonsillectomy.

And I am SO scared.

I've heard it is the most painful recovery EVER.

Please say a prayer for me.

And if I go brain-dead I just want you all to know I am very happy and have had a wonderful wonderful life.

Recovery Day 2

Day 2 of recovery was not so bad. I basically lay in bed all day patiently waiting for my nose to heal.

I've been very good about taking my pain meds (Tylenol, nothing crazy) and antibiotics on schedule every 8 hours to prevent infection or further headaches. And it's not really painful at all. Just uncomfortable.

My nose has been full of blood and snot, but I'm not allowed to blow my nose (because it can hurt the stitches) so I just cover it up with gauze and leave it there or wait for it to drip out naturally which feels gooey and gross. So basically you just feel super congested and have to breathe through your mouth. But again, it's not so bad...it's nowhere near as bad as breaking your ankle.

Today, Day 3, will be much of the same. I've been actually quite productive, reorganizing my hard drive and getting a little work done while watching plenty of TV.

Thank you everyone for your texts and calls and messages and for the few people who have come to visit, you are extra super special.

Lady Di gets in from Arizona this afternoon to hang out, that is going to be fun! Too bad I don't think we're going to be able to gay-dance, but imma see if I can convince her to get her nose all dressed up like we got twin nose-jobs and go out on the town.

Post-operation

I went in for my surgery at 10:30am. I spent the next two hours waiting in different rooms for the doctor who was running late on her other morning operations.

Then finally she I went into the pre-op holding area. Where she said hi and asked if I was nervous.

Of course I was nervous duh.

Then the anesthesiologist stabbed my hand like 5 times trying to hit a vein while putting in my IV. That was actually the worst part of the operation.

The operation was done under local anesthesia and sedation. I think it started around 1pm. I was awake for the whole thing. This sounds scary, but you're actually pretty comfortable.

She told me I wouldn't remember a thing but as of now I remember it quite well.

Once sedated and lying on the operating table, they stuck me with the numbing needle. And then it was time to go. I didn't really feel them cutting the insides of my nostrils open. But I felt the dull pressure and heard the awful bone crunching sound when they started scraping away the bone of my septum. The operation was supposed to take about 45 minutes...but it felt like it only took like 10. The final part of the operation was the turbinoplasty where they shrink my turbinates.

Here's a cool animation I found that shows what they do.

They poke the turbanite with a needle that emits a radio frequency and this creates a lesion which, as it heals, causes the turbanite to shrink. The size of the large turbanites it was causes a lot of breathing issues so when they get smaller, you have a larger pathway for air to go through.

I could smell some kind of burning as they were doing it and it sent a shock through the roof of my mouth and teeth. None of this really hurt because I was all numbed, but they were still odd sensations. And then in what felt like 15 minutes it was all over and I was standing up and walking back to the waiting room with gauze pads taped under my nose.

By 3pm, I was in a cab on my way home with my lovely friend Dave who picked me up.

Immediately following surgery I actually felt great. I was pretty lucid and I felt like I could breathe totally clearly and the pain meds were still keeping me from feeling any pain.

By the time I got home though I started to feel a headache. And then at 4pm it was an unbearable headache that felt like a brainfreeze that would not go away. I had to lie down (on stacked pillows because I'm not supposed to lie flat) and turn off the TV and close my eyes because sound and light seemed to make everything worse.

I'm pretty sure I didn't fall asleep. I just focused on breathing out of my mouth and it felt like an eternity. But I finally opened my eyes just now and it feels like the worst of that headache has gone away.

Now I'm all stuffed up and probably filled with dried blood but I'm not supposed to blow my nose for the next week or so. Starting Friday I can spray some saline in my nose to clean it out a little but for now I just feel like the most congested I've ever been in my life. I'm amazed I was able to sit down here and type this out, but it has actually felt great and distracting to do something other than focus on the headache.

Overall it's not that bad and I think (and hope) the worst of it is over and it will just be a bit of soreness and dripping blood from here on out.

Will update again soon.

I love you all.

Nose Surgery tomorrow eeeeeeeek!

I'm going in for a septoplasty and turbinectomy tomorrow.

It's a non-cosmetic procedure. It's what people claim to be getting when they are actually getting a nose job (rhinoplasty).

Not that there's anything wrong with getting a nose job, if it makes you feel better, you should totally go for it. It's an easy surgery. I've seen some amazing nose jobs. And as a headshot photographer, I've definitely seen some BEAKS that, if chiseled and refined, could improve someone's appearance tenfold. I personally just don't happen to think I need one because I've always been satisfied with the way my nose looks.

Still...I like saying I'm getting a nosejob. It feels so LA.

I just hope recovery won't be too bad.

I'll keep y'all updated. I probably won't be leaving my house for a few days.

Krazy Kripples!

Remember when I destroyed my ankle?

Well a couple weeks ago our dear friend Quail had a freak running accident where she stubbed her toe and ended up shattering her hip socket.

It may or may not be worse than a trimalleolar ankle fracture. Equally awful, I'd say.

You get to stay off your injured leg for 4+ months. You get to re-learn how to walk. You probably get to have metal stuff in you for the rest of your life...

Well, I popped in to have lunch with our Quailfriend, and she seems to be in good spirits. She's recovering at her friend's fancy home in the Palisades...things could be worse.




She's keeping busy, writing a bit.

Oh the krutches. They back memories.






Don't worry Quail! Things will get better. Just enjoy the free time you have.

Lots of positive things come out of Krippledom.

Remember how I got to be on American Idol like 20 times?

Or how I got to skip all the lines at Disneyland?

Or how we befriended Smileyjohn and gave him his nickname?

All these things would not have happened had I not been a Kripple!

And furthermore I probably never would have moved to NYC, which basically changed my life for the best.

Everything happens for a reason and there will many good things to come from this Quail! Just wait and see!

Super-FML

Jesse and I were on our way from Bobby's to the bar last night, happily strutting down the street to the sounds of Lady Gaga on dark little Abbott Kinney Blvd.

We could not have been more happy and joyous and singing when I went and strutted myself right into a random hole in the sidewalk and WIPED THE F*CK OUT.

iPhone went flying. Sprained my good ankle.

Worry not. It's only sprained. I know what a broken ankle feels like.

I can walk. It's just a little sore.

But I'm taking it easy and icing it anyway.



FML

1-Year Ankle-versary

I forgot to mention that two days ago was the one-year anniversary of my breaking my ankle.

The ball of my foot still bugs me a bit when I walk because I still have a limited range of motion...but I'm so grateful to at least be able to walk.

Eeek. I still cringe re-living the experience in my mind.

New Gym

So back in November I was in the best shape I'd been in in like 20 years. Which is not to say I was in great shape, but I was definitely in good shape relative to the rest of my life.

Everywhere I went friends and families commented on my slimness and it was the greatest feeling in the world.

Then I broke my ankle.

And then I wasn't allowed to walk for 4 months.

And still I can't walk all that well.

But. I have my life back, for the most part.

I do everything I want to. Except run. And jump. But that's fine. I'm mobile. Yay.

So I booked my tickets to go to Southern Decadence in New Orleans the first week of September.

And today I went with Felly and joined our neighborhood gym - Dolphin Fitness. It is this terrifying basement gym where I'm pretty sure serial killers, ex-convicts, and rapists work out.



Only half the people there speak English. The majority of them are terrifying and you definitely would not want to be stuck on a dark and empty street with them.

(We did, however, spot Padma Lakshmi on the elliptical today, trying to workout unnoticed since most serial rapists probably do not watch Top Chef...)

Also, I went to wash my hands and a cockroach was running around in the sink. A small one, yes, but a cockroach nonetheless.

But it was a good deal for what I need right now. Not an EPIC deal. But an OK deal. For NYC. And I get to work out with my Felixfriend!

New Clownshoes!

So lately the ball of my foot has been bugging me. Maybe it's the amount of walking I do in NYC...and the fact that my reconfigured ankle exerts more pressure on parts of my foot that weren't used to bearing so much weight.

Hmmmm...don't know. Going to have to see the doc about that.

In the meantime I visited the New Balance store the other day and purchased the largest, most expensive pair of sneakers I've ever owned. (I gotta wear two sizes larger now that I have a cankle-foot.)

Yay clownfeet!

More sadface!

Teresa fell down some stairs and broke her face!

She has stitches in her head!

Please take a moment and shoot her a wall post or text message and tell her how lovely and wonderful she is. Even if you don't know her.

She is a great person!

She wheeled my broken-footed ass all the way home from the hospital in a stolen hotel cart!



TL I hope you get better soon!

And until then I will photoshop all your injuries away.

Ohhhhh noooo!!!

Obama's appointed justice lady Sotomayor broke her ankle!!!



Supersadsquareface!!!!!

Does anyone have her email? Send her to the broken ankle blog!

-- Post From My iPhone

Another day, another ankle

Thomas's daddy broke his ankle this weekend while skydiving for his 60th birthday.



Supersadnessface!



Send ankle healing thoughts in the direction of Hartford!