Day Nineteen: The Perilous Journey

I had a 4 am wake up call.

I showered. Room service arrived. Sweet succulent pineapple breakfast.



We hopped in a private motorboat at 5am to head to the airport. Grandma almost fell into the canal while boarding the taxi.



There was a lot of waiting at the airport. Granny fell asleep.



Their flight left at 7am. Mine at 11:30. 4 1/2 hours of waiting, yay.





During this whole time I started taking random pictures.

I witnessed the biggest size disparity ever...



And also some questionable parenting...



My flight was delayed.

When I got to London, I realized I actually was at London GATWICK and my next flight left from London HEATHROW. Had to hop on an hour-long bus ride to the other airport.

At Heathrow I received some horrendous directions and went from one wrong terminal to the next (had this been the Amazing Race, I would have been eliminated). Also the terminals were spread so far apart that they required a 15 minute subway ride to get to.

When I finally did get to my flight, it was delayed 2 hours.

Finally arrived in Boston after having travelled and waited a total of 22 hours, complete with incredibly uncomfortable airplane-air-induced eye dryness.

Heidi picked me up. We had curry at the Kebab Factory.

It's good to be home.

Day Eighteen: Even MORE Venezia!!!

Our last day in Venice.

We decided to celebrate with a superb dinner at our favorite restaurant, Bacaro.

I had the lobster special.



WE had the lobster special.



And because the aunties were afraid they were no match for the yumminess...



I cleared my plate.

And I took a picture.

But it was too depressing to think about so I deleted the picture.

...........................

Earlier today we visited the Palazzo Ducale.



Saw some neat bludgeoning weapons.



And some centuries old artwork.



It's pretty mind-blowing to stand in a place that was painted centuries ago that still exists looking exactly the same now as it did back then.

Day Seventeen: More Venezia!!!

We started the morning with breakfast downstairs at the Ristorante Bauer (as in Jack Bauer).

Delicious delicious soooo delicious buffet breakfast overlooking the Grand Canal.

Also there were delicious delicious sooooooooo very delicious sausage meatballs.



Following breakfast we hopped on a private boat (a LIMO boat, a step up from yesterday's taxi boat) and headed to the island of Murano.



Murano is where all the pretty glass sculptures and things that Venice is known for are made. We visited a glass factory and watched a grubby-looking fat man (he looked basically like a drunken deadbeat dad) take a bright red ball of glass and mold it into a pretty little horsey. A glass artist! Who would have known?

Auntie Liz seriously contmplated purchasing a fancy glass cup for $4000.

They said pictures weren't allowed of any of the incredible glass art-pieces. And I know that's no excuse. But still. There are no pictures to show. Only little glass trinkets.



Also they make masks.



Later in the evening the Aunties decided we should go on a gondola ride.



Apparently a gondolier is not equal to a taxi driver:

#1 They own their gondolas.

#2 They sing. (Often poorly.)

#3 They wear nifty little uniforms and hats.

#4 They charge 200 euro ($270) an hour.

#5(?) They take advantage of little asian Aunties and their insane spending habits.

Nope. Being a gondolier would not suck.

Nor would being an Auntie.

Day Sixteen: Venezia!

We finally returned to Rome and got away from Octagenarian Mania which was my cruise.




Oh god I was so ready to be off the boat.

We got to the airport, where I had three hours to peruse Italian magazines and found a spread featuring our very own Matty in L'Uomo Vogue.




Then hopped on a plane and headed to Venice. Just me, Gooma, my grandma, Auntie Liz, and Auntie Ilanu (prounced Elan-yoo). No crazy aunties. No Uncle Steve.

Short plane ride + exit row = me likey.

Venice is AWESOME. Not Santorini awesome, but a totally different kind of awesome. Actually maybe it is Santorini awesome.



We arrived at the airport and headed to our hotel on a private MOTORBOAT. (Traveling with fancy aunties and grandma is cool.)




We got to the hotel, The Hotel Bauer (as in Jack Bauer) Which is posh, for sure, but not so posh as to warrant how ridiculously overpriced it is.



It's basically on the Rodeo Drive of Venice. Sitting right on the Grand Canal next to St. Mark's Square and across the street from Versace, Prada, and Valentino. (Traveling with fancy aunties and grandma is sooo cool.)





Also. I have my own king-size room with king-size bed and bathroom because Gooma said she'd sleep with grandma.

The sad news is that Venice is sinking and there are signs of it everywhere.



SAVE THE POLAR ICECAPS!!!!!

Day Fifteen - Sicily

Sicily is totally depressing.

Nice buildings. Graffiti everywhere.






Also it smells like piss.

This cruise has been kind of anticlimactic.

Ultimate Jackpot Bingo is tonight, however, and given our family history of Jackpot Bingo (Kristy and Toni won about $1400 on the last cruise), I could walk away with more than $2000...

Also I want to throw Uncle Steve into the ocean.

Day Fourteen - Malta

You'd think that a place that was home to Brad Pitt for several months (while filming the epic crapfest Troy) would be slightly spectacular right?

WRONG.

It is boring. It is lame. It is unbearably hot.




Also there is a creepy man in a knight's costume.



We spent an hour in a tiny poor man's palace. Walked around some ghetto Maltese streets. Listened to a totally annoying tour guide provide too much information on too much stuff. And cruised around some smelly old canals.

I am ready to go home.

I miss you guys.

I think I have the flu.

I am tired of old people. (Did I mention that fake WalterDriver is one of four people under the age of 62 on this boat?)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhh



Granny's having fun, though!

Day Thirteen - At Sea

You know you’ve been on a cruise ship too long when you’re working out in the gym and you find yourself checking out a semi-jacked 60-year-old and thinking to yourself-

…I am not going to finish that sentence.

Day Twelve - Turkey

We arrived in Kusadasi, Turkey at 7 am wholly unimpressed since we had just spent the previous day in Santorini. It’s hard to top perfection.

I had been hoping to see Tee, Ale, and Chloe, who just happen to be somewhere in country, but I have a feeling that it’s kind of big place and our chances of running into each other are slim.

Turkey (or least this part of Turkey) looks a lot like New Hampshire…aside from the whole ancient ruins thing.



We started the at the Virgin Mary’s House, way high up in the mountains. It’s said to have been her final home and was endorsed by the Pope as a sacred place.



I’m not sure if I really buy it, but there was a wishing wall and a natural spring which dispenses holy water.





I wished for my stupid stupid eyes to be cured.

………………………

Following this we visited the ruins of the city of Ephesus. This was an ancient city that was somewhat recently discovered only like 100 years ago and is currently still being excavated.



Did you know that the reason so many ancient cities lie in ruins is because they were destroyed and not because of normal wear and tear?

Maybe I’m totally dumb, but I never considered this.

Apparently almost all ancient cities were destroyed when the empires that controlled them fell because invaders would destroy columns and structures to get the metal out of the bars that held all the marble and stuff together. Every single column is actually made out of several pieces of stacked marble that has a hollow tube running down the center. During construction, they’d stack the columns and then pour melted metal down the tube to meld the columns together. When cities were invaded, the hostiles would destroy the columns, melt the metal, and make it into weapons.

Also it is fun to destroy the homes of your enemies.

Day Eleven - Santorini, Greece

What can I say...

I'm in Santo-fucking-rini.

This has to be THE most beautiful place I've ever seen.

If ever I am to have a honeymoon or romantic vacation, it will be here.



Basically it's a Greek Island that was formed when a volcano (seen below in the center of the body of water) erupted several times about 3600 years ago. The whole place reminds me of Waterworld.




It's pretty ridiculous. All the houses sit perched so high up at the top of these massive cliffs made of lava rock that they actually look like snow-capped mountains. It's not until you get up there that you realize there are actually thousands and thousands of awesome little villas and stuff lining the edges of the cliffs, all overlooking the ocean.






Someday I will live here. With Sean Faris. And my life will be complete.

Day Ten - FIRE!!!!/Katakolon, Greece

Apparently last night there was a fire down on the C-Deck.

It was apparently threatening enough for the Captain to make a ship-wide announcement at 3am warning us that we may have to evacuate the ship.

An hour later, all was ok and they somehow managed to contain the fire.

Of course, somehow my grandma and I both managed to sleep through the announcement and all 12 members of our party failed to alert us of the situation.

We could have died a horrible screaming death and noone would have ever known.

Very reassuring.

...........................

In other news, today we visited arrived in Katakolon, Greece. And journeyed to Olympia, the site of the original Olympic Games.





It's basically a whole bunch of ruins and is semi-interesting if you use your imagination and picture the thousands of people (and really hot Greek athletes) competing there thousands of years ago.

Day Nine - Corfu, Greece

We were having a delicious lunch today at a streetside eatery in the beautiful seaside town of Corfu when a giant white squirming spider descended from the ceiling and came to a stop right next to my head.

Needless to say, I jumped up screaming like a terrified little schoolgirl.