Karaoke is not as fun when you're sitting on the couch with your grandma watching overweight uncomely Asian people butcher classics like "Rose, Rose, I Love You", "The Moon Is Sings Over Kowloon Bay", and "Ni Hao, My Baby".
We had to sit through three and a half hours of this absolute turdfest of a Chinese New Year Karaoke Marathon (kind of like American Idol but with horrendous middle-aged people allowed to perform on the stage in front of the giant clapping elderly audience) before my grandma handed over the TV so that we could have a family viewing of Brokeback Mountain (my 3rd time). In case you're out of the loop, it's been nominated for 8 Academy Awards.
And yes. It is true. I am already in possession of the bootleg DVD!
We tried to convince my grandma that it "wouldn't be for her". She said ok, and went in the other room to watch her Chinese soap operas. Then, of course, curiousity got the best of her and she slowly shuffled her way back into the room about half an hour into the movie, just seconds before that fateful first "love" scene.
Heath Ledger is asleep on the ground, shivering under a tiny blanket, and she goes, "AI YAH....DEENG GUY KUY FUN HAI DAY HAAA GA??? (why is he sleeping on the floor???) YONG GUM BOK GOU PEI!!! (And with such a light blanket!!!) WOO ZOU TONG MAI GUM DUO CONG...(It's dirty and so many insects...)
Then Jake persuades Heath to join him in the tent and she's like, "ahhh. GUM ZHOU ZHANG DI LE (That's smarter.) LUI BEEN MO GUM DONG (It's warmer in the tent.) FUN HAI TSUT BEEN CHEE SEEN (Crazy for sleeping outside in the cold...)"
Mom and I cringed as we knew what was about to happen.
Let's just say it kind of caught my grandma by surprise.
She was in the middle of some inane comment and then she just stopped, her jaw dropped, and for the next hour or so she looked like she was riding a rollercoaster.
We kept checking on her to make sure she wasn't dead.
Fun times.
I just laughed so hard reading that.
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