Live Music + Cock

Sunday night we went to watch Matt's band, Manixview, perform at The Good Hurt, a cool little bar where the bartendresses dress like sexy nurses.



We brought with us quite a cheering section, complete with screaming girls, candle-waving, and drunken love proclaimations.



Afterwards we got Double-Doubles.



And then, Kristy made us get a second round of cheeseburgers. There were no protests.

ScarJo Day: Part 2

Also...there was vodka.

Doug left our place at midnight, went to some bar, and threw up on a girl.



Epic.

ScarJo's boobs are enormous...

Yesterday was National Scarlett Johansson Day.

We started the day by watching The Island. Still so very good. Still so very underrated.

Got a haircut, went to an evening showing of Match Point, and left the theater thinking about love and life and never ever cheating on a spouse.

After the movie I came home to a pleasant surprise. All the boys were over (Doug, Chris, Dan, Euge) and were hanging out, TOTALLY UNSUPERVISED. No Kwans in sight.

I love that our home is so comfortable and wonderful that friends hang out even when we're not there.

I also love that I came home to pizza...from ANTONIO'S.



Daniel Spencer had brought slices of Chicken Parm AND Buffalo Blue Cheese all the way back from Providence in his carry-on bag.

Why? Because he is the best friend EVER.

As I finished my last few bites of delicious Parmesan-kissed crust, I decided three things:

1. Scarlett Johansson is absolutely beautiful.
2. Her boobs might be real.
3. Pizza is good.

Other fun stuff to do with guests...

The Getty Museum.



Ashes and Snow at the Nomadic Museum.



And drinking.

Celoobrity sighting!

This weekend I have the pleasure of enjoying a Mumivisit!

She arrived yesterday, fresh off a business trip to Vegas.

I took her to see all the wonderful sights Los Angeles has to offer.



The PCH overpass!



The Santa Monica Pier!



Bums!

..........................................

We also had the pleasure of spotting the great Tara Reid, riding in a Porsche with her beau of the moment.

She actually looks quite put together when she isn't drunk ho-ing it around St. Tropez with her boob hanging out all over the place.



(Sorry. That was the best I could do.)

CompUSA FUCKERS

CompUSA has fucked me over and fucked me over so hard I can't even stand.

MY COMPUTER IS RUNNING AT QUARTER SPEED!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHhHHHHhhhhHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And it makes me more angry because I could have totally screwed THEM yesterday.

Scene: CompUSA

Our young, handsome hero approaches the customer service counter to be greeted by three overweight, moronic-looking drones.

DK: "Hi. I'm here to pick up my computer..."
Moron CompUSA Employee: "Ok...hang on one second."
(Moron CompUSA Employee picks up phone. Presses "intercom")
Moron CompUSA Employee: ALBERT PLEASE DIAL "1". ALBERT. PLEASE DIAL "1".
Other Moron CompUSA Employee: "Uhhhhr....Albert's not in today..."
Moron CompUSA Employee: "Oh. I'll go in back and check on your computer. What's your name?"
DK: "Dennis."

23 minutes later...

Moron CompUSA Employee: "Here you go....hmm.......Albert didn't attach any of the receipts..."
DK: "..."
Moron CompUSA Employee: (scratches head) "That will be $45"...
DK: "Uh....excuse me?"
Moron CompUSA Employee: "You paid for all the hardware already, right?"
DK: "yeah........i mean...um....(thinking about the karmic repercussions)....no."
(DK smacks himself in the head)
Moron CompUSA Employee: "Oh...good thing I asked..."
DK: "Grrrrr......"
Moron CompUSA Employee: "That'll be $654."

Bjoern Bjoern Bjoern. I love Bjoern.

Today I went to CompUSA and picked up my computer.

Trouble is I think the dude forgot to install the extra memory I requested. So...this piece of shit is running super slow. And I mean super. S-U-U-U-UUUUU-PER.

Like I-typed-these-letters-26-seconds-ago and-they-are-just-now-showing-up-on-this-here-screen slow.

I might have to take it back in. Oh god. Please don't make me do it.

.................

Got to Bjoern's at 2pm after visiting the Shakey's Pizza buffet.

Yes. I went alone. I have a problem.

Proceeded to watch seven straight episodes of "Lost: Season Two" while "working". Bjoern needed about 438 super-high-quality shots uploaded and had me watch the episodes, which he had downloaded from iTunes, in the interim.

Getting paid $20/hour tax-free to watch the best show EVER?

My job kicks so much ass.

Master of my own (and several other people's) destiny...

Bjoern called me after dinner this evening to ask me to go over to his place to check out the proofs from the GodHead shoot. The pictures were SICK. I wish I could show them to you. But unfortunately I cannot.

I now have a renewed confidence in my photography career and am very excited to get my computer back from the shop and finish getting my shit together. (It's getting a total overhaul: 250 GB hard drive, Dual DVD burners, 1 Gig of RAM.) VERY VERY EXCITING.

.................



Earlier today I did alumni interviews for a couple of kids who are applying to Brown.

The first was Lame Orchestral Susan.

Short and awkward phone interview. As she stuttered her way through her boring-ass answers I could just see the sweat dripping from her round stupid forehead onto her inch-thick nerd glasses.

The comments I submitted to the admissions office:

Plays violin. Is shy. Recommend? No.
My second interview went much better.

Cool Asian Chris. Confident. Intelligent. Varsity Tennis player. Video game lover.

I brought him to lunch. He ordered meatballs.

He received a GLOWING recommendation.

My comments:

Chris is a well-spoken, mature, confident, and extremely personable individual with a wide range of interests and obvious potential. If this kid isn't Brown material, I don't know what is.

I like alumni interviews. I feel like a god.

GODHEAD!!!!

Yesterday Bjoern took me on my first pro-photoshoot. He was shooting this band called GodHead.



Over the course of the incredibly awesome 5-hour shoot, I learned a shit-ton of new tricks, discovered a bunch of lofty light-filled locations to shoot people, and basically just got to see how a pro photographer directs people.

Bjoern described their music as cyber-techno-punk. I expected them to be totally creepy and that we'd be talking about drinking lamb blood and burning babies, but they turned out to be the nicest sweetest guys ever. The lead singer, Jason (the bald one), was actually really shy. We talked about Lost, 24, David LaChappelle, and how amazing the OC soundtrack is.

Playing in a punk band is only a side job for them and has been for 10 years. They make decent money and have put out 6 albums, but the guys all have side-jobs as Photoshop experts, voiceover artists, audio engineers, and real estate mini-moguls.

It made me realize that it really is all just a business and their creepy image is just part of their marketing. They're not in a band because they expect to be the next U2, they do it because they love it and that's what people do out here in LA because they can. There are just so many ways to make money creatively that you wouldn't have the opportunity to in any other city.

All the money that the band makes (which sometimes is and sometimes is not enough to live extremely comfortably off of) is deposited directly into their retirement accounts. They're not hardcore drug addicts or partiers. They have families!

And Bjoern got paid almost 2 G's for less than five hours of work.

I can't wait to be Bjoern.

Smershio signs a lease!!!

Last night we went to the lovely little bar/foodie place Father's Office to celebrate the Schmonster's impending move to Venice.

Yes, yes. KATIE IS MOVING TO THE WEST SIIIIIIIIDE!!!

Ohhhhhh the fun that will be had.

So. Father's Office. Home of the most delicious sweet potato french fries with garlic-parsley aioli dip and The Office Burger: Dry Aged Beef w/ caramelized onion, applewood bacon compote, gruyere, matag blue cheese and aruuuuugula.

Yum-O.



In other news, Eugene has accepted a dinner-date with Steven on Friday.

Also, he has begun referring to him as "my boyfriend".

Jokingly, of course.......maybe.

Thought I was dead, didn't you?

Apologies, dear reader, for my extended blogging hiatus.

The past few days have been most unpleasant.

On top of my usual dry-eye problem, my body has assaulted me with a number of new ailments. Since I landed back in LA last Monday, I have been unable to get a full night's rest. Every morning I wake up at 3am, unable to return to my peaceful slumber. I haven't had REM sleep in over a week. At first I thought it was jetlag, but I'm beginning to think I might have sleep apnea.

Saturday I strained my back and broke out all over, becoming the new poster child for adult acne.

Sunday and Monday my problems worsened when I noticed that my heart was beating incredibly strong, shaking my body with each ventricular pump. Add to that an uncomfortably dry mouth, stomach ache, and burning esophagus and you have one cranky, exhausted giant.

Blogging was trumped by more productive activities like laying on the couch and whining. I seriously felt like I was going to have a heart attack or worse.

Today I feasted on a lunch of Tums and water, which seems to be alleviating my over-acidic stomach ever-so-slightly.

In more exciting news, Eugene went on a date yesterday...with a man.

Jennifer Aniston still doesn't know I exist...

Tonight...I saw Jennifer Aniston.

"Saw" is the key word. Unfortunately, I didn't get to meet her.

I'm confident that the meeting will happen at some point. But tonight it was only a sighting.

Brie called me around noon today with the pant-wetting news that Jen and Vince would be attending the Ashes & Snow exhibition at 8pm this evening.

Now I wouldn't do this for just any A-list celebrity, but come on, it's JENNIFER ANISTON. My future BEST FRIEND. I arrived promptly at 7:50 to assist Brie in greeting her.

And I was not disappointed.

At exactly 8pm a black Porsche Cayenne rolled up and the pair hopped out (Jen in tears because the whole thing was a surprise for her birthday). Gregory (Colbert, the photographer) met her with an embrace, quickly introducing her to Brie (who got to shake her hand), and immediately they were whisked away into the museum, disappearing forever.

I would have stayed to meet them as they emerged, but in the end they ended up staying a couple of hours (the place had been emptied for them), probably making out in movie room.

She looked beautiful, as would be expected. And as she greeted Brie, with a simple, "Nice to meet you, Brie," the warmth of her voice was instantly recognizable.

Someday, my friends, she will be mine.

Surprise!!!

I got a phone call from Sandra today...

"Come downstairs..."

(pause) "a-whaaaaaaa???????"

"I'm downstairs..."

"No you're not."

(buzzer rings)

"AHhhhhhhhhhHHHHhhhhhhhHHHHHHH!!!!!"

I ran downstairs, and sure enough, sitting on my doorstep was my little sister. All the way from Indiana.

She's staying with her new pseudo-boyfriend who Kristy and I e-introduced her to. We gave the boy her info so that he would have someone to show him and his friend around Hong Kong while they were visiting for New Years. NOT what I had in mind...

I feel dirty.

Cupcake fun!

Yummmmmmy cupcake
yummy yummy cupcake
Yummmmmmy cupcake
Eat it with your head.

(sung to the tune of "Alouette")







Epic.

Match.com: Day 1

So this what I managed to scrounge up on my first day on Match.com:

Hey Dennis hows it going? You know what, I like guys who are tall, and I am so trippin' out on how tall you are and that you are Asian. Where did you get the height from? Anyways, I like what you have in your profile. You seem like a fun guy to hang out with and get to know. Man I bet you get asked all the time if you play ball. So don't worry I won't ask. Hey if you feel cool about it, hit me up. I'd love to hear more about you or you can email me at xxxxxxx@hotmail.com
Take are and hope to hear from you

Javier



I especially like the fact that he automatically knows not to ask if I play basketball.

Also he is 6'2".

I must say I'm quite pleased.

The only catch is that his profile says he does not drink.

All in all though, I think day one can be considered a success.

The first day of the rest of my life.

It's official.

I have admitted defeat.

I have joined match.com.

Midnight Meatballs

I think this will be a completely uninteresting post because I have been a completely uninteresting person today.

In fact, I have probably reached an all-time low in uselessness.

Aside from uploading and captioning old Hong Kong photos, I've done nothing.

I woke up at 5am, jet-lagged. Farted around on the internet. Caught up on the Bachelor. Napped on the couch from noon until 6:30. And ate dinner (my first meal of the day).

I then popped into Cabo for a quick drink, tempted the whole time to order boneless buffalo wings (I had only had one meal so far today and thus technically am allowed a second.) Alas, I resisted temptation.

I came home to Eugene passed out (of course) on the couch...



Kristy making meatballs...



And Meghan, eating cookie dough.

It's only my second meal of the day.

Home Sweet Crackhouse.

I have returned home to food explosions and moldy goodness.

But after a 16-hour flight from Singapore (officially the longest existing flight route at the moment) I am very happy to be home.

Mercy and Jo want to say "hello!" Click below and say hi!


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Also I found out the other day that my dad used to curl his hair. With a curling iron.



Classic.

Layover fun.

First flight over. I have not yet died.

One hour layover. Singapore.

The man next to me is farting.

He's Sasian.

I guess it's to be expected.

Gratitude

I'm writing this from the computer of the Singapore Airlines Lounge while eating unlimited dim-sum and finger sandwiches and drinking free beer.

What did I do to deserve this life???

I have an hour to kill so I think I'll spend this time reflecting on the wonder of life and Hong Kong in case my plane gets hijacked and I die a horrible screaming death.

Not realizing I still had any friends in this city until the past three days left me lots of time to think.

I think it's incredibly cool that I kind of feel at home here in Hong Kong and that I can come to this foreign country and get around and communicate with people and I don't have to translate stuff in my head. In a way these are my peeps** and it just feels kind of natural.

I also think it's incredibly cool that I can meet awesome people to hang out with way out over here.

This is a fantastic city and I live a ridiculously awesome life. Perhaps not as awesome as Tim Loh's or Oprah's, but it's still friggin sweet. We all live awesome lives. Especially compared to people elsewhere in the world.

Jo and Mercy have really made me think about life.

Here they are, two awesome Filipino women in their 30's. Smart. Educated. With children. But they work full-time as live-in maids in a foreign country because that's just what a lot of Filipino women do. They spend hours cooking each daily 5-8 course meal. They sleep in BUNK BEDS in a CLOSET. They wash the car every morning. The dust the house daily. They vacuum daily. They make the beds. They iron UNDERWEAR. And they do it all singing and laughing happily. They see their families once a year, if they're lucky. They get a day off a week, if they're lucky. Otherwise they work weekends and holidays, from 6am when they wash the car, to 12am when they finish cleaning up the kitchen and picking up after everyone. All this just so they can send some extra dollars back to their families in the Philippines. They don't aspire to rule the world, and yet they still find time to be happy.

I feel bad for them, but in the world of Hong Kong maids, they have it pretty good. They have each other. And my grandma is generally pretty nice to them. And we all love and appreciate them (though Uncle Steve sometimes orders them around like slaves). They call each other best friends. I guess if you had the shittiest-ass job in the world, it'd be nice to have someone to commiserate with.

I admire them and I hope they take the skills they've acquired (Jo has become a ridiculous cook over the last 10 years) and can use them to be super successful if they ever go back home.



And now I must return to my food because I'm about to board the plane and I promise this will be the last time I eat like a heifer.

Thank you all for being awesome people.

Go out and have some fun.

**Being "my peeps" does not, however, free the Hong Kong-ians from ridicule for butchering the English language, or for horrible fashion and general unattractiveness.)

Rockstars: Night the Second

So our little posse from night one literally doubled overnight.



Night two saw the addition of fellow Deerfield-alum Clarence who is one of those kids that is a total dick (he likes golf...and teenage girls), but is kind of awesome.



We bar hopped around the Lan Kwai Fong area, hitting up about 7 or 8 different bars and quickly adding new members to our group as we went.

Bar hopping really isn't the best idea because the area is hilly and bars and streets are spread out over hundreds of staircases that I'm sure many a drunk person has plummeted to their death from.




At one vodka bar, which was in a giant "freezer" (really just an extremely air conditioned room with plastic walls made to look like ice), they provided us with coats to keep warm:



There we met some cute guys who followed us around for the rest of the night.




We did some dancing...



Tim did more splurging...



And I bonded with this babe named Roxanne.



I will miss Hong Kong.

OH THE FURY...

I AM EXTREMELY ANGRY AT BLOGGER RIGHT NOW FOR EATING MY LAST TWO POSTS.

To make a long and extremely fun story short, I found out that TimLoh (who I love just slightly more than life)(and meatballs), was in HK on business.

We met up in Lan Kwai Fong, where the white people and non-ugly Asians hang out and it's like New Year's Eve every night of the week.



As a pair being exponentially taller (me) and more beautiful (TimLoh) than anyone else in this city, we attracted quite a bit of attention. In fact, we had groupies.

Totally random women came up to us asking us to take pictures with them. One of them made me hold her leg. One of them had amazingly jacked-up teeth. One of them set Tim's hat on fire.





We also met some girls who asked us to come with them to Dragon-I, one of the new clubs in HK. They were on the list. We didn't have to wait in the 1000-person line. Sweetness.



So what's better than great company, great dancing, and a roomful of Asian celebrities?

TimLoh's penchant for bottle service.



I'm not sure how clubs/people justify charging/spending $3000HK for a bottle of vodka but god bless the world of finance jobs.



It was a fantastic night and I got home at 5 am and actually wrote a really fun semi-coherent entry all about it. But alas, it has been erased.

DAMN YOU BLOGGER!!!!

hello?

blogger is retarded and i think it ate my blog

That shit was bananas...

Today we went to Shenzhen, China. Shopping capital of the world. Already I have spent almost all of my New Year's money. It's really quite scary.

I need to go home now before it's too late.

Also, I have an eating problem.

We went to Genki Sushi for lunch, home of the best conveyor belt sushi ever. And I am checking myself into a fat farm when I get home.



We spent the afternoon in Shenzhen. Shopping. Eating. Shopping. Bought lots of cool souvenirs. Mom got a one-hour foot massage from a blind man for $2 (totally disgusting / I would eat my own ears before becoming a foot masseuse). We left around 5pm, hoping to make it back by dinner.

The trip back to Hong Kong, however, took about four hours. Three of those four hours were spent waiting in line to cross the border. It was crazily crowded. INSANELY crowded. Hundreds of thousands of greasy unwashed Chinese people. More than a couple I'm sure were carrying the chicken flu.







I need to take a shower. I smell like a tofu.

Brokeback Mountain might not be suitable for grandparents...

Karaoke is fun when you're with friends, in a bar, drinking heavily.

Karaoke is not as fun when you're sitting on the couch with your grandma watching overweight uncomely Asian people butcher classics like "Rose, Rose, I Love You", "The Moon Is Sings Over Kowloon Bay", and "Ni Hao, My Baby".

We had to sit through three and a half hours of this absolute turdfest of a Chinese New Year Karaoke Marathon (kind of like American Idol but with horrendous middle-aged people allowed to perform on the stage in front of the giant clapping elderly audience) before my grandma handed over the TV so that we could have a family viewing of Brokeback Mountain (my 3rd time). In case you're out of the loop, it's been nominated for 8 Academy Awards.

And yes. It is true. I am already in possession of the bootleg DVD!



We tried to convince my grandma that it "wouldn't be for her". She said ok, and went in the other room to watch her Chinese soap operas. Then, of course, curiousity got the best of her and she slowly shuffled her way back into the room about half an hour into the movie, just seconds before that fateful first "love" scene.

Heath Ledger is asleep on the ground, shivering under a tiny blanket, and she goes, "AI YAH....DEENG GUY KUY FUN HAI DAY HAAA GA??? (why is he sleeping on the floor???) YONG GUM BOK GOU PEI!!! (And with such a light blanket!!!) WOO ZOU TONG MAI GUM DUO CONG...(It's dirty and so many insects...)

Then Jake persuades Heath to join him in the tent and she's like, "ahhh. GUM ZHOU ZHANG DI LE (That's smarter.) LUI BEEN MO GUM DONG (It's warmer in the tent.) FUN HAI TSUT BEEN CHEE SEEN (Crazy for sleeping outside in the cold...)"

Mom and I cringed as we knew what was about to happen.

Let's just say it kind of caught my grandma by surprise.

She was in the middle of some inane comment and then she just stopped, her jaw dropped, and for the next hour or so she looked like she was riding a rollercoaster.

We kept checking on her to make sure she wasn't dead.



Fun times.