(who remembers it all much better than Felix or I do)
To start the night off, we had an awesome meal at home, surrounded by Kwanz and a few bottles of Prosecco.
While I was getting ready...
I suggested to Dennis that we have roadies made for the subway ride to HK Island.
Roadies in general are a fabulous idea.
Roadies, when made by someone who mixes drinks with a 4:1 vodka:mixer ratio (Mercy), are a bit dangerous.
And off we went.
It was a beautiful night.
The subway was PACKED.
Editor's note: Halfway through our subway ride, I looked over at Anne who seemed to be pale , wide-eyed, and staring ahead blankly.
"Annie, are you ok?"
"....."
"Do we need to stop?"
"....."
(Train doors open at the Jordan MTR stop)
(Anne shakes her head a little and is suddenly focused.)
"We're getting off the train."
"Now?"
"NOW."
With that I looked behind me, grabbed Felix (who was in mid-swing around a subway pole) and we shoved our way out through the crowd, eyes darting back and forth searching for some kind of restroom.
Nothing.
We ran out of the nearest subway exit, up a few escalators, and into a semi-closed shopping mall where after rounding several corners we finally found a public toilet.
We waited for our pretty little companion for a few minutes, during which we got in several sets of lunges.
I seriously thought this was the end, but Anne rallied like a true champion.
And now I will give you back to her.
...................
By the time we arrived in Central District, Felix and Dennis were in fine form and ready for the countdown. It was a little after 11, they had each finished off a water-bottle roadie and about a bottle of prosecco each.
Due to previous instances of stampede-ing, the streets leading to the Lan Kwai Fong area were blocked off from traffic and sidewalks were routed to accommodate the enormous influx of people.
We finally got to LFK which was a total mob scene.
Luckily we had our Asian giant to lead us through the masses.
Then, almost magically, someone near our group spoke to a (or bribed) a group of policemen who then helped us plow through the crazy crowd, right up to the entrance of our club.
Editor's note:
Since TimLoh was off making the panties drop Stateside, Chev took the reins in planning our New Year's celebration and got us set up with a table and an epic New Year's Eve party at Cliq, yet another new HK club.
It was SO MUCH FUN. I wish I had not been blacked out for most of it.
Back to you, Anne.
..................
The club was so fun!!!
Bottle service, Felix running away from all the random Chinese girls who wanted to dance with him, and Dennis rocking a bad-ass Asian flush the likes of which I have never seen.
(Editors note: In case you're new and wondering why I'm wearing a hand-bandage, click here.)
We rang in 2008 with Dennis' friends and extended friends - definitely the nicest, prettiest group of people I had met in HK! (People in HK are seriously hideous.)
The countdown was fast- 10-9-8-7…1. It took us about 3 seconds total, but we weren't even sure when the New Year had come as the DJ had no mike.
Dennis got more and more disheveled by the minute...
...while Felix danced up a storm and literally had to fight-off female admirers.
One girl, who looked like a flapper from the 20's (with stupid hair to match), pursued him AGGRESIVELY.
Dennis stuck his tongue in Felix's ear to show her who was boss.
Everyone was so nice and we made a bunch of new friends.
Did I mention that Dennis was kind of wasted?
Sometime after midnight, I was chatting to my new friends Cindy and Dan about their plans for a possible move to Hong Kong from Australia, when I realized that Dennis was slumped on a couch, with Felix in a quasi-headlock. Felix did not look particularly upset about this arrangement, but we decided it best to take some evasive action and go get some noodles.
The Chinese have a culture of staring.
If something or someone is deemed interesting - an attractive woman, a disabled person, a group of foreigners, or in our case, a very tall and stumbling Asian male - he is stared and pointed at and spoken to.
Dennis is the only tourist I know who goes to other countries and has his picture taken constantly by the locals. He likens it to being kind of like a celebrity.
Leaving the club, we were greeted by the usual Dennis fans, who all pester him about his height, or giggle or just yell "You are so tall!!!"
Usually, he smiles or just politely answers questions, but being 20 drinks deep and highly belligerent, Dennis took a different approach this time, yelling at the entire group of people waiting in line for the club: "You are all... SO... SMALL!!!"
This was received with cheers and laughter. Yay! The tall Asian is funny too!!!
Having a group of people laugh and cheer at a Drunk Dennis comment is like giving positive reinforcement to a 5-year-old.
Dennis continually repeated his triumphant roaring of: "You are all SO SMALL" every five minutes or so for the rest of the evening to random cowering passers-by, occasionally adding-in: "I WILL SQUASH YOU!".
The thing about tall people is that they tend to walk very quickly and not notice, especially when 20 drinks deep, leaving me and Felix jogging frantically behind Dennis to keep up.
Felix, who is a fabulous dancer, added skipping, dancing and clicking his heels to the routine.
At one point, Dennis' friend Eugene texted him, asking us to come to the Grand Hyatt for another party. Dennis texted back: "Sorry. Wasted. Vomiting everywhere." (He wasn't actually.)
.
He stands by this statement as an effective way to bail on plans.
..................
The subway was a nightmare.
Dennis was practically falling on everyone, swinging around the subway car-handles like a very drunk "monky". He was right, he COULD crush everyone. There was a baby carriage next to us that Dennis nearly squashed, and after uselessly scolding him several times, the mother got off the train. I was annoyed and also scolded Dennis. He shrugged, swung around his subway pole, and drunkenly replied, "Whellll mayyybe certain PEEEEple should get bigger BABBBYYYY CARRIAGES!!!!"
I shot him a look of dismay. "Come on Dennis. Seriously?"
It went right over his head as he continued swinging and twirling.
At this point I realized some German tourists were taking pictures of the whole scene. I turned to them and said, "Oh God. Please stop." Dennis wanted to be in the pictures, but Dennis was also having trouble standing upright.
The noodle place was not where we thought it would be. But, in Hong Kong it is not hard to find another. We sat down to a greasy table and stares from everyone in the restaurant. I tried to order (Dennis could not) but the restaurant had given me menus of food they weren't serving late-night. Felix kept telling me that: "It's fine" and to order: "Chicken-Pork-Chicken" which was of zero help.
Dennis, meanwhile, kept pointing to the menu saying to the waitress "We'll have THIS...and THIS....and THIS..." when everything he was pointing to was in the condiment section.
We finally got menus and ordered 3 bowls of wonton-noodle soup and some drinks.
When our food came, Felix added hot sauce which resulted in a concoction that was so hot it was inedible. He had tears streaming down his face, and was laughing hard. Felix was spooning chucks of shaved ice from his soda into his soup and mouth to cool off.
Dennis kept trying to add a certain sauce out of a group of like six sauces to his noodles but kept picking the wrong one, and exclaiming "AHhhHH!!! It's the WRONG SAUCE!!!" before picking a different one (or sometimes the same one) and trying another one.
Dennis also was not coordinated enough to eat with chopsticks or a fork and knife and so instead opted to eat (ineffectively) with his face, splattering me with soup/sauce constantly.
At the time, it was NOT amusing.
Dennis practically fell into his noodles, and I kept grabbing his head to prevent it from hitting the bowl. I got the check.
When Dennis was done, he called the waiters over 3 times to ask for the check even though I already had it, and then he kept standing up even though Felix was still eating.
Finally he just got up and walked out.
I told Felix, "Felix, I don't know if you've noticed, but we're on the move."
Felix shoved a final mouthful of noodles in his mouth and we scurried out of the restaurant (with noodles still dribbling from Felix's mouth) to find Dennis already a block away making his way zig-zaggedly toward an ice cream truck (late night Hong Kong is so random).
Felix got us ice cream, and I handed mine to Dennis, who promptly dropped it face-down on the sidewalk within seconds.
Dennis looked at it and then looked up at me with the saddest little puppy dog eyes saying, "I really did want to eat it..."
Getting a cab home was difficult.
There were few cabs going off of Hong Kong Island. Other people kept hailing them further up the road. I tried to motivate the group to another block, but it took some time, and keeping Dennis from getting run over was hard enough.
I got an economics lesson while we waited. Felix proposed waving 500-dollar bills at cabs. He explained to me that people respond to incentives, and that Hong Kong is a free market, so someone had to stop eventually. Dennis was busy chasing down cabs that were already full and giving them the finger.
We got a cab in the end, and somehow managed to get home in one piece.
And then Dennis twisted his ankle.
Happy New Year!!!
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